


Heart Song

by CarolPeletier



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Caryl, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 22:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 80,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6677881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolPeletier/pseuds/CarolPeletier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol Peletier has fought her way back from the darkness of the most unimaginable loss.  She decides to make something of this life and do something extraordinary for her dearest friends.  On the biggest day of her brand new life, she meets Daryl, and she begins a journey of joy and love and heartbreak and healing.  Falling in love can be so easy, and it can hurt more than words could ever say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing from The Walking Dead.

Heart Song

Chapter 1

_Am I really doing this?  Oh God, what if this is a mistake?  I didn’t think this through.  Well, it’s too late, now.  It’s done._

Carol glanced around nervously, pressing her knees together awkwardly despite the fact that she was lying back and her feet were up in the stirrups.  She was lying at a downward angle, and the doctor had promised to be right back.  It had been at least thirteen minutes, judging by the ticking seconds Carol had counted in time with her anxious heart. 

She was honestly having trouble remembering exactly how she’d gotten herself into this situation, but in reality, she truly had thought about it for a long while before actually deciding to go through with it.  She just couldn’t believe the day had finally arrived. 

Here she was, lying under a thin, cold gown that did little to cover much of anything, and she’d just been filled to the brim with a stranger’s sperm.  It hadn’t been the most awkward situation she’d ever been in, but it certainly ranked pretty high.  Still, as she looked up at the chipped nail polish on her toes, she bit her lip and tried to remind herself that this was the best thing she was ever going to do with her life.

The door opened, and Carol recoiled, slamming her thighs together as her ankle slammed hard against one of the stirrups.  She cried out in pain and sat up, and the doctor glanced at her sympathetically from the door. 

“Am I done here?” she asked nervously, tugging at her gown, trying desperately to get it to cover her knees, despite the fact that it was beginning to sag low at her shoulders.

“All done.  Now I don’t want you to be discouraged if it doesn’t take.  Aaron and Eric have made it clear that money’s not the issue.”

“I know,” Carol said quietly.  “I hate for them to put so much into this with such small chance of it actually happening the first time, you know?”  Dr. Green smiled at her and put his hand on her shoulder.

“I have a good feeling.  This is such a kind thing to do, Carol.”  Carol fidgeted on the table and shivered.    “Do you have any questions?”

“Um…I don’t think so.  Well, I guess…I mean, what happens if it doesn’t take?  I mean, what’s the timeline here?”

“We’ll wait until your next cycle and try again,” Dr. Green replied with an understanding nod.  “If you choose to do that, of course.”

“Of course.”  She cleared her throat.  “How soon should I take a pregnancy test?”

“I always advise my patients to wait at least two weeks.  In that time, I would suggest to go ahead and start taking vitamins, refrain from smoking or drinking.”

“So basically, you want me to pretend like I’m pregnant already?”

“Just make healthy choices,” Dr. Green chuckled.  “How’ve you been Carol?”

“Oh, I’m alright,” she said quietly, picking at the hem of her gown.  “I’m just a little in shock, I guess.  I honestly still can’t believe this is happening.  But Aaron and Eric…they’ve been there for me through so much.  And I know they’ll be amazing parents.”  She felt that familiar wave of sadness wash over her, and she bit back a little sob.

“I never got the chance to tell you how sorry I was for the loss of your girl.  I know this can’t have been an easy choice to make.”

“Sophia would’ve been six this month.”  She smiled sadly and ran her fingers through her short, auburn hair.  “I didn’t make this decision lightly.  Aaron and Eric were there for me at my lowest.  I want to do this for them.”  She wiped at her eyes. 

The truth was, they had never actually asked her.  They’d been talking about starting a family for a long while, and given Carol’s own loss, asking her had never been in the equation.  But she’d seen them go through the excruciating search for a surrogate, only to be let down each time.  And on the first anniversary of Sophia’s death, she’d made a choice.  She was going to bring a new life into this world, a life that would be so loved and so wanted, and she was going to give her friends the greatest gift she could think of. 

To say they’d been stunned was an understatement.  Many tears and glasses of wine had been shared, and they’d waited several months before deciding to put a plan in motion.  Now, here she was, sitting in a doctor’s office, hoping she was knocked up with a stranger’s sperm, because more than anything, she wanted to do something for the friends that had seen her through her darkest days.

“I know we’ve all sat down and talked about this,” Dr. Green said quietly, “but you’re certain this is what you want?”

“It’s a little late to ask that now, isn’t it?” she said with a little smile.  “Yes, it’s what I want.  I’m just scared.  But I want this.  I want to do this for them.”  She wiped at her eyes. 

“Go home and rest.  Put your feet up and just try not to think about it.”  Carol nodded in agreement, despite the fact that she knew that it was going to be absolutely impossible not to think about it. 

*~*~*~*~*

Carol Peletier had never been alone in her life.  She’d gotten married right out of high school.  She’d gotten pregnant during her first year of college.  She and Ed had divorced by the time Sophia was three, but she’d still had her little girl.  And then time had been stolen from her and her girl, and Sophia had died a few months before her fifth birthday.   It had been an accident, but it had taken Carol a long time to forgive herself. 

She had normally driven Sophia to school, but the little girl insisted on letting the big bus pick her up.  The pre-school bus made its usual rounds, often skipping the Peletier residence, because Carol opted to drive instead.  But at Sophia’s insistence, Carol had finally allowed her to ride with her schoolmates, only for the bus to be hit by a drunk driver that very morning.  Sophia and a little boy from her class had been killed instantly, and the responsible party was now just a year into a ten year prison sentence. 

Losing Sophia had been the worst thing she had ever experienced, and she still ached daily when she remembered the last time she saw her little girl, grinning so wide from the bus window, waving excitedly as she stuck her tongue out from the gap her missing two front teeth made. 

So when Carol walked through the front door of the house that afternoon and saw Sophia’s jacket still hanging on the hook by the door, she put her hand on her stomach, feeling that overwhelming urge to cry washing over her again.

Deciding to be a surrogate hadn’t been an easy decision, but doing something beautiful for her friends had been.  Maybe it wouldn’t work out.  Maybe it wasn’t meant to work out.  But whatever happened, she felt a sense of peace in knowing she’d taken a step at trying to find a place in this world again.

It had been a tough year, to say the least, but she’d gotten through her darkest time.  She remembered waking up in the hospital a few days after Sophia’s funeral.  Holding one hand had been Eric.   Aaron had held her other, and they’d sat with her and let her cry until the tears had run dry.

Now she was venturing out again, finding joy in spending time with friends, in taking long drives, in getting back into her work at the children’s hospital where she was a secretary.  On the weekends, she volunteered by reading to the children in the cancer ward, finding joy in their laughter when she’d always do the voices for each character in a unique way.  Somehow, being near them, letting their laughter fill her heart, made her feel closer to Sophia, as if Sophia were somehow still with her. 

But she was still alone.  She’d thought about adopting, but each time she thought of it, she thought of Sophia’s sweet, hazel eyes and her silky brown hair, and she felt the pain of losing that little girl all over again.  She couldn’t even consider ever having to go through something like that again.

Yet, here she was, volunteering to carry someone else’s child, only to have to give that child up at the end of nine long months.  Perhaps it didn’t make much sense, but it was a kind thing to do.  A good thing.  She could give a child a life, and when it was all over with, she could look back and say that she did something good with her life, even if she couldn’t have the same happiness she’d had when she’d been a mother herself.

Something good _had_ to happen.  It was time.  And she needed this for Aaron and Eric, for herself, for this baby. Whatever happened next, it was time to start living again. 

*~*~*~*~*

_Six hours earlier_

“You one hundred percent do _not_ have to go through with this,” Eric offered, pulling his arms around Carol’s shoulders. 

“I one hundred percent have made up my mind,” Carol replied, hugging him tight as she stepped through the door of their two-story home.  Aaron came walking out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

“Did he tell you you don’t have to do it?  Because you really don’t.”

“Shush,” Carol insisted, hugging Aaron carefully to avoid spilling the coffee.  “I’m doing this.  _We’re_ doing this.”  She took a deep, shaking breath, and Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“You’re scared.”

“Of course I am.  Aren’t you?  I mean, this is a big deal,” Carol replied quietly.  She smiled a little.  “I loved being pregnant.  Ok, I hated it a little bit, but after Sophia was born, it was worth every minute.  I mean, you two are going to make amazing parents, you know that?”

“Well, Eric will.  I’m pretty sure I’ve never changed a diaper in my entire life.  I’ve actually made efforts to avoid holding babies, changing diapers, basically doing anything that would involve interacting with an infant.”  Carol smirked at that. 

“You’ll be great,” Carol promised.  She bit her lip nervously.  “So where is he?”

“He?  Oh!  _He._ ”  Eric cleared his throat.  “He’s on his way.  He’s psyching himself out, you know?”

“Let me guess, he’s going to get the ‘you don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to’ talk, too.”

“Already gave it to him twice this morning on the phone,” Aaron grinned.  “You’re amazing.  I mean, you have the oven and egg, and all we need is the, well, you know.”   Months ago, they’d both been informed they were infertile.  Aaron had a slightly higher sperm count than Aaron, but that wasn’t saying much.  So they’d decided that if and when they ever decided to have a child, a sperm donor would be the better option.  And thankfully, they hadn’t had to look far.

“You two are going to make a gorgeous baby,” Eric pointed out.  “And we are _so_ grateful.  Leave it to us to be the most infertile dads on the planet.” 

“You guys are amazing,” Carol smiled.  “You’re going to be great dads.”  Aaron and Eric glanced at one another, before Aaron cleared his throat.

“Can we ask you something?  A favor?  I mean, besides the huge favor of actually bearing out child.”

“Alright,” Carol said slowly. 

“I know we talked about you being Auntie Carol, about you being there to help out, because of course you’ll be there.  But we were thinking…well, we want this baby to know who you are.  To know that you’re its mother.  I know losing Sophia was…unbearable.  I can’t even imagine.”  Aaron shifted slightly in his seat.  “We don’t want you to just be Auntie Carol.  We’d be honored if you’d just be ‘mom.’”  Carol’s breath hitched in her throat, and she felt the tears prickle in her eyes.

“I don’t…you…I don’t know what to say.”  She felt the ache in her heart again, and she shook her head.  “I don’t know.  I…”

“You don’t have to.  I mean, you can be whoever you want.  You can be as involved as you want.  But you mean _so_ much to us, and we want this baby to know how much love was put into getting it here.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “You don’t have to decide right away.  We just wanted to let you know.  This thing you’re doing for us…it’s amazing, Carol.”

“And we know how much you were hurting after Sophia.  We miss her, too,” Eric said softly.  “And I wish there was something we could do to repay the favor you’re doing for us.”

“You really don’t have to do anything,” Carol murmured.  “I offered.  I want to do this.  I want you guys to have a family.  And I just…I don’t need you to do anything for me, because I promise you, whether I’m mom or Aunt Carol or just a family friend, I will be happy knowing you are both happy and that this baby is happy.”  She chuckled then and brushed the tears from her eyes.  “Look at us talking like the baby’s already here.”

The rumble of a motor interrupted them all from thought, and Eric stepped over to the window to peek out.

“Oh, look.  There’s the man of the hour.”  Carol felt the anxiety coil tightly in her chest, and she wondered what in the hell was wrong with herself.  Yeah, they were going to be making a baby together, but that didn’t mean it was going to be anything else.  Still, it didn’t stop her from feeling like she was about to meet somebody who was going to be a very important part of her life, regardless of whether or not that was the truth.

Swallowing hard, she felt Aaron’s fingers curl around her own.

“You ok, sweetie?”

“I’m nervous,” she chuckled.  “I mean, I guess this guy’s gonna be the father of our kid.  Your kid.  Shit.  I don’t…”

“It’s ok,” Aaron chuckled, kissing her hand.  “Just breathe.”  Carol nodded  quickly and followed Aaron to the door.  Coming up the path wearing a leather jacket and carrying a pair of sunglasses in one hand was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.  Rugged but gorgeous with hair that swept down into his eyes and stubble on his chin.  She could already smell his cologne when the breeze swept it up the path, and she shivered the second his blue eyes settled on hers. 

“Hey, guys,” he said with an awkward nod.  “Guess today’s the big day?”

“Thanks for coming,” Aaron offered, giving him a handshake.  Both men paused and smirked at one another, and Eric rolled his eyes.

“Nice choice of phrasing, babe.”  Daryl stepped past Aaron, eyes still on Carol, and he reached out to shake her hand.

“You Carol?”

“Yeah,” she said with a smile, feeling the heat flood her cheeks when a grin pulled at the side of his mouth.  “And you must be…um…wait, I don’t think I caught your name.”

“I’m Daryl Dixon,” he said with a nod.  “Guess this means we’re makin’ a baby today.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Carol had met Aaron shortly after starting her job at the children’s hospital.  He’d been working as an IT guy and always seemed to be up on her floor fixing the glitches that always seemed to show up in the system.  She’d met Eric not long afterward, and the three had become pretty close friends.  When Ed had come along, he’d made his feelings about her friends quite clear, and in the end, those friends had been the ones to stick by her during the divorce and then when Sophia had died.  They’d been her rock and her constant, and she was grateful for them.

She was grateful for her small group of close friends, and she counted herself lucky for each of them.  One of those close friends was her next door neighbor, Michonne, who had formed a bond with Carol, because they shared something very painful in common.  They’d both lost a child.  Her son, Andre, had had his life stolen from him while at his father’s house for the weekend.  The little boy’s father, Mike, had been high and hadn’t heard the boy slip out of the house.  He’d drowned in the pool, and Michonne had nearly lost her mind. 

It had happened more than a year before Sophia’s passing, and Sophia’s death had opened old wounds for Michonne.  But she’d stayed strong for her friend, helping her thought it the only way she knew how.  Patience.  Understanding.  Space.  She tried not to hover, tried not to check in too often, because she had known from experience how suffocating hovering people could be, especially when all a body needed sometimes was just to be left alone.

Michonne was sweeping off her front porch when Carol came walking out the morning after the insemination. 

“Well, look at you,” Michonne said with a bright smile, as Carol bent down to grab for the newspaper.  Carol gave her friend a weak smile and started down the porch steps and across the yard.  “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” Carol admitted, stepping up to give her friend a hug. 

“Having second thoughts?”

“No.  Absolutely not,” Carol said firmly.  Then her shoulders slumped.  “Would you think I was horrible if I said I was?”

“Come inside.”  The screen door screeched on its hinges, and Carol followed Michonne into the house.  Lining the walls of the entryway were photos of Andre from birth to his last month of life.  Each frame was dust-free, lovingly cared for and never forgotten.

Michonne led her to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of bottles of orange juice out of the cupboard.  She handed one to Carol, and they both pulled out a bar stool to sit at the counter.  Carol took a sip of the tart liquid before screwing the cap back on.

“I had a bad night,” Carol explained.  “I went home, and I took a nap, and I just…I tried to think good thoughts.  And then one of those…you know, those god awful noise-making toys that were created to drive parents insane?  Well, apparently, one of Sophia’s still had the battery in it.  I haven’t been in her room in…longer than I care to say.”  She ran her fingers through her hair.  “It was a bad day.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Michonne said softly, putting her hand over Carol’s. 

“I keep playing the last time I saw her over and over in my mind.  And she was so happy.  She was so excited and so proud to be riding on the bus with the other kids.  And I was heartbroken, because my baby wasn’t a baby anymore.”  Carol blinked back the tears.  “If I’d known it was the last time...”  She shook her head.  “She begged me to let her have cookies for breakfast that morning, but I told her she had to wait until she got home.  I just…”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Michonne murmured.  “We both know where that road leads.  You were a _good_ mom.  All you have to do is look around your house, see all those pictures of that sweet, smiling little girl, and you’ll know she was loved.”  Carol nodded and sniffled. 

“I keep thinking about Aaron and Eric and how excited they are to be parents.  I want that for them.  I do.  But then I think back to everything I went through after Sophia died, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“You got through it.  And what happened to Sophia…it won’t happen to this baby.”

“Nobody can make those promises.  We both know that.  We both lost our babies, and now I might be bringing another one into this world.  God, look at me.  I’ve thought about this a million times.  I made a choice.  I want them to have a baby.  I want that so bad.  I just…”

“You’re human.  You want to save them from ever having to feel that kind of pain.”  Michonne reached over and squeezed Carol’s hand.  “Alright, I’m going to give you some advice that my therapist gave me when I was going through a rough time after Andre.”

“Michonne, I’ve heard it all before,” Carol insisted.

“Just hear me out,” Michonne insisted, staring at Carol until the other woman met her gaze.  “Do something you’ve never done before.  Take a chance.  Whatever you _have_ to do can wait.  Do something for you.”

“Like what?”

“Anything,” Michonne offered.  “Think about it.”

“Well, what did you do?”

“Oh,” Michonne laughed, “I went out and bought all different colors of really bright paint and just painted every room of the house a different color.”  Michonne grinned.  “It was crazy and beautiful and fun.  And the next day I covered it all up with, you know, normal colors.  But I did it, and it helped me.”  She shrugged.  “I don’t know.”  Carol smiled then. 

“Well, I’ve always wanted to have a garden.”

“Then plant a garden.  Hell, buy a cow!”

“Oh God,” Carol laughed.  And when Michonne raised an eyebrow, Carol smiled at her friend.  “Thank you.  I needed that.”

“Anytime.  Hey, you know I’m here for you.  Whatever happens, I’m gonna be here.  I’m gonna help you through this.”

“Thank you,” Carol whispered, wiping another tear from her eye. 

“Now, get out there and do something for you, alright?”

*~*~*~*~*

She’d really meant to do something fun.  Something crazy.  She’d thought about renting a fishing boat and going out despite never having been fishing in her life.  She’d thought about going wall climbing at the sports complex.  She’d thought about packing up her car and taking a road trip and just getting the hell away for a while, but she felt like that really wasn’t an option considering she might currently be growing her best friends’ baby.

So she’d ended up in the park with a bag of stale bread in her hands.  She tossed the crumbs into the duck pond and watched as the geese and ducks snapped at one another and fought over the bread.  She sighed.  This wasn’t at all what she’d had in mind, but at least she was out in the sunshine and fresh air. 

This was what she’d done with Sophia every Saturday.  They’d gone to the park and fed the ducks, and then Sophia had worn herself out climbing all over the jungle gym.  She’d been so full of energy and spirit, and Carol had always been so exhausted when they got home that she’d take a nap right along with her daughter.

She could practically hear Sophia’s excited giggles, but then she realized that it was someone else’s child nearby, and her heart began to ache.  She felt the tears prickling at her eyes, and she knew she was done for the day.

She stood to leave, just as a small child came running right into her, startling herself and Carol. 

“Oh!  Sweetheart, are you ok?” Carol asked, kneeling and putting her hands on the child’s shoulders.  The little girl looked at her with wide, blue eyes and nodded her head.

“Sorry, ma’am,” the girl stammered, looking over her shoulder. 

“Are you lost, honey?  Is your mommy here?”

“I don’t have a mommy.”  The little girl pushed her curly blonde hair out of her face, and Carol stood, looking around for anybody who might be with the child.  A sense of alarm rushed through her, and the second the little girl with flitting off around her, she turned to see her running straight at a newly familiar figure.  Daryl Dixon. 

 “Katie, you can’t go runnin’ like that.  How many times I gotta tell you?  You stay close.  Near gave me a heart attack.”  He scooped the child up in his arms, and that was when he saw Carol.  He froze.  “Hey.  Carol, right?”  It seemed an odd question to ask considering that not even twenty four hours ago, she’d been inseminated with his sperm.

“Yeah.  She’s yours?”

“My niece,” he said with a nod.  “I got her for a bit, ‘cause her daddy’s on…vacation.  Ain’t that right, princess?”

“Daddy goes on vacation a lot,” Katie said with a nod, scrunching her nose.  “I like it at Uncle Daryl’s.”

“Katie, did ya apologize to Miss Carol for runnin’ into her?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You sure?”

“She did,” Carol said with a little smile. 

“You bring your kid?” Daryl asked, squinting into the sunlight and looking around.

“I don’t have any kids,” Carol said quietly, suddenly realizing how strange it must have sounded, considering she was at the park.  “Um, what is she?  Five?”

“Four.  Tall for her age,” Daryl chuckled.  “Don’t know where she got it from.  She’s gonna be taller’n me soon, I think.”  Carol laughed at that, and Daryl smiled, and she felt her breath catch in her chest. 

Daryl watched her, noticing the way her eyes were rimmed red, like she’d been crying.  She looked like she could cry now, still, and he cleared his throat, putting Katie down.

“Hey, we were just goin’ for ice cream.  You wanna join us?  Nice day, and if ya ain’t got any other plans, me and Katie’d be happy to have ya join us.  Ain’t that right, Katie?”

“Do you braid hair?  Uncle Daryl don’t know how.”

“Doesn’t,” Daryl corrected her.

“You say don’t,” she pouted.  Carol couldn’t help but smile at the charming child, and she looked at Daryl for a moment, wondering if this might be the most awkward situation she’d ever encountered, aside from the ordeal at the doctor yesterday, of course.  “Can you do a braid?  Like this?”  The little girl reached into the pocket of her dress, and she pulled out a wrinkled picture of a beautiful blonde woman with her long locks pulled back in a French braid.  Carol knelt down in front of the little girl and took the picture in her hands.

“Oh, she’s beautiful,” Carol cooed softly, watching as the little girl smiled brightly and looked eagerly up at her. 

“That’s my mama,” Katie explained.  “She’s an angel in heaven now.  She watches over me.  I want look like her someday.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you already _do_ like her.”  The girl smiled wider. 

“That’s what Uncle Daryl tells me all the time!”  Carol looked up at Daryl, who looked down proudly at his young niece and put his hand atop her head.

“Hey, kiddo, you want chocolate or vanilla?”

“Both!” the girl giggled, taking her picture and stuffing it back in her little pocket.  “Miss Carol?  Will  you come with us?”

“Oh, honey, I should get home.”  _To what?  To who?_    At the little girl’s crestfallen look, Carol looked anxiously at Daryl.  He gave Katie’s hand a squeeze.

“You’re welcome to join us.  Can’t remember the last time I had a conversation that wasn’t ‘bout ponies or dollies or cartoons.”  Carol chuckled at that, remembering that feeling all too well.

“You know what?” she asked, hitching the strap of her purse over her shoulder.  “Ice cream sounds great.” 

“There’s a place just across the park.  We can walk.  You feelin’ up to that?”

“Yeah,” Carol said with a little smile.  “Absolutely.”  He nodded then, holding onto Katie’s hand, and the three of them began to walk across the park.  All the while, Carol couldn’t help but feel that maybe _this_ was the one thing she was supposed to do for herself today.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“M’sorry,” he said quietly, as they sat at the picnic table outside of the ice cream stand.  Katie was playing on the little carousel that only took 25¢ to run.  She was sporting a fresh French braid courtesy of Carol and kept running her little hand over the back of her hair in awe.   “I feel like an ass.”

“What?”

“Earlier.  I asked you if you brought your kid.  I know…I mean, Aaron told me.  I wasn’t thinkin’.”

“It’s ok,” she said quietly.  “I’m alright.”  She cleared her throat.  “I do it sometimes, myself.  I’ll be making breakfast, and I’ll grab one of Sophia’s little princess plates.  It’s just…it happens.”  She wiped her mouth with a napkin and began to twist the thin paper between her fingers.  For a moment, they sat together in silence, and Daryl cleared his throat. 

“Why are you doin’ this?”

“Hmm?”

“For Aaron and Eric.  I mean…”

“Well, why are you?” Carol asked with a little smile, crossing her legs and folding her hands in front of her on the table.  Daryl paused for a moment before he chuckled.

“Honestly?  ‘Cause they asked me.  Hell, Aaron’s been a buddy of mine for a long time.  Went through some serious family shit in college, and he always offered to let me crash at his place.  He’s been like a brother to me.  Hell, m’closer to him than I am to Merle.  ‘Sides, they’ll be good dads.”  Carol smiled at that.

“They will.  Aaron’s freaking out about it a little.”

“He’ll be alright.  I mean, hell, I get it.  First time I got Katie for a few days, she was just a few weeks old. I didn’t know what the hell I was doin’, and I damn near went outta my mind.  Her mama died havin’ her, and Merle wasn’t copin’ well.  He was on a bender, and he asked me to keep her over night.  Overnight turned into half a week.  I thought I was gonna go crazy, and I damn near left her at the fire station.”

“Oh, you did not,” Carol smiled.

“Hell, it crossed my mind,” Daryl admitted.  “See, I work road construction, so I’m used to long hours out in the excruciatin’ heat, barely gettin’ any sleep between shifts.  But havin’ a kid around?  Damn, I thought I was gonna die of exhaustion.  She just never stopped cryin’, and she sure as shit wouldn’t sleep.  I honestly wasn’t sure neither one of us was gonna make it.  But that third night, I think it was, she ate when I offered her the bottle.  She slept when I put her down.  We got a little routine goin’.  It worked out.”  Carol smiled then, and she chewed her lip for a moment.

“I know they’ll be amazing parents, and I think that they deserve this.  I know they’ve wanted this for a long time.  I was young when I had my daughter.  Barely nineteen.  In a lot of ways, I was still just a kid.  I grew up a lot, and the one thing I know without a doubt is that I loved my daughter and she transformed my life.  I want them to have that chance.”

“You don’t think it’ll be hard to give up a baby you carry all them months?”  He watched the pain fill her eyes for a moment, but she smiled through it.

“It’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it to see how happy _they_ are.  This baby’ll have a good life.  If there’s a baby.”  She sighed softly.  “Is this weird for you?  Sitting here talking to me, knowing this kid might be coming and that it’s a part of you?”

“Yeah, it’s a little weird,” he admitted.  “But I think what you’re doin’ is awesome.  Don’t know if I’d be that brave.   I mean, hell, all I did was…well, you know what I did.”  His face reddened.  “You got the hard part.”  Carol felt the knot in her stomach grow, and she sat up a little.

“I should go,” she said quietly.

“M’sorry if I upset ya.  I didn’t mean…I guess I just ain’t never met nobody that ever did somethin’ like this before.”

“Daryl, it’s ok.  You didn’t upset me.  I’m just…I’m feeling a little tired, and I should be getting home.”

“You need me to follow ya, make sure ya get home ok?”

“That’s really sweet, but it’s not necessary.”  She stood and smoothed her hand over the front of her shirt and grabbed for her purse and keys.  He stood, too, and she could see he still wasn’t entirely certain he hadn’t offended her in some way.  “Thank you for the ice cream and for the company.  I had a good time.”  He nodded then and called Katie over. 

“Are you leaving?” Katie asked sadly.

“Oh, I have to.  But thank you for the lovely afternoon, Miss Katie.  And might I say your hair looks beautiful.”

“Thank you, Miss Carol.”  Katie pulled her arms around Carol’s middle and hugged her.  To say this child had a way of pulling at her heartstrings was an understatement of epic proportions.  “I just hope your Uncle Daryl was paying attention.”

“Uncle Daryl’s all thumbs,” Daryl pointed out with a smirk. 

“Well,” Carol replied with a grin, as Katie unwound herself from Carol, “I really do have to go.  Thank you both for keeping me company.”  She patted the top of Katie’s head and gave Daryl the briefest of smiles that paled in the presence of her tears.  And then she turned and started across the park and toward her car. 

Daryl watched after her, watching the way she hugged her arms to herself, the way she looked down as she walked, as if he’d opened some old wound and made it bleed anew.  He felt like shit, and he wished there was something he could do to lift her spirits.  But he barely knew this woman, and as Katie grabbed hold of his hand, he felt an ache in his chest at the idea that maybe he never would.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Carol’s eyes flew open, and she sat straight up in bed with her hand against her stomach.  She groaned in pain, screwing her eyes shut as she gripped the bed sheet through what felt like an extremely painful cramp. 

“Oh, God,” she panted, kicking her legs over the side of the bed and flipping on the lamp on the table.  Her heart was racing, and she bit back a sob as she stood up, checking the bed for any sign of blood.  Nothing. 

With a shaky hand, she grabbed for her cell phone and rushed to the bathroom, tugging down her underwear to find the slightest bit of spotting.

“No.  No.  Please.”  Trembling, she sat down on the toilet and cleaned herself up, thankful there was only just a hint of blood.  She glanced at the phone.  It was only ten thirty, and while she hated being _that_ patient, she was also concerned and frightened. 

She quickly found Dr. Greene’s number and called, sitting there with trembling fingers as the phone rang in her ear.

“Hello?”

“Dr. Greene?  I’m sorry to bother you.  This is Carol Peletier.”

“Yes, Carol.  Is everything alright?”

“I’m…I’m not sure,” she admitted.  “I just woke up.  I’m cramping pretty badly, and…and I’m spotting.  I don’t know if this is…I don’t think it worked.  I don’t think the insemination took.”

“Ok.  Calm down.  Calm down.  This happens sometimes.  Every woman is different.  It’s only been 48 hours since the procedure. This could just be ovulation. I want you to listen to me.  Just relax.  If you work tomorrow, call in. Just stay home and rest.  Take it easy for a day or two.  The important thing is to remain calm.”

“What if it didn’t work?”

“If it didn’t work, we try again.  Alright?”  Carol closed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead.  “Carol?”

“Alright,” she said softly, voice trembling as she clung to the phone. 

“Carol?  Are you with anyone?  Do you have anyone who can come stay with you?”

“I’m, um, I’m alone,” Carol admitted.  “My friend Michonne is next door.  I could…”

“Do me a favor and call her.  Have her come sit with you a while.  Are you gonna be ok?”

“I’m…I’m ok.  I’m sorry, Dr. Greene.  I’m sorry to bother you.”

“You’re no bother, I assure you,” he chuckled.   “Trust me, I’ve gotten far worse phone calls in the middle of the night.  I don’t think you have anything to worry about.  But I do want you to take it easy for a few days.  Doctor’s orders.  Why don’t you call Aaron and Eric?”

“I don’t want to worry them,” she murmured, placing her hand to her stomach. 

“I’m certain they’d be worried about you,” he offered.

“I’ll be ok,” Carol promised.  She bit her lip and took a deep breath.  “The cramping’s stopping.  I feel better.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.  She took a moment, sitting up straight, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

“Yeah.  Yeah, I think so.  Ok.  Thank you, Dr. Greene.  I’ll call you if I have any more problems.”

“Yes, please do.  And even if you don’t, you can feel free to call.”

“Thank you,” she sighed.  After a few more minutes of conversation, Carol ended the call and placed her hand against her stomach again.  “Ok.  Ok.  This is fine.  We’re ok.  This is…this is going to be fine.”  She pulled up her sleep shirt and looked at her bare belly.  No changes.  Nothing.  She’d been pregnant before, so of course she knew there’d be no obvious signs this early.  Still, she was hoping for a sign.  Any sign.  She needed good news.  As much as she’d waivered back and forth the past couple of days about her choice, she knew for certain that she wanted this to work.  She wanted to be pregnant.  She wanted to do this for Aaron and Eric.  And most of all, she wanted that reminder that life went on, life began anew, life found a way in this crazy world that had already hurt her beyond measure.

*~*~*~*~*

“Beer?” Aaron offered, as Daryl sat down on the front porch steps with a cigarette in his hand.

“No thanks.  Can’t stay.”  Daryl cleared his throat and pushed his hair back out of his eyes.  “Gotta pick up Katie in a bit.”

“Alright.  So what’s up?” Aaron asked.  “He settled down onto the stoop with his friend and took a pull at his own beer since, hell, he didn’t have any place to go tonight.  Eric had already planned out a whole movie night, and he was currently mulling over the options in the den while Aaron sat with Daryl.

“Ran into Carol yesterday,” Daryl said quietly, taking a puff on his cigarette.  “What’s her story?”

“Mmm, story?” Aaron asked, running his fingers through his thick curls, scratching at his scalp awkwardly, because he knew Carol’s story really wasn’t his to tell.  “Well, she’s twenty-five.  I know this because I’m the one that organized her last birthday party, and Eric never would’ve let me live it down if he knew I forgot how old she was.”  Daryl smirked at that.  “She’s divorced.  You know about Sophia.”

“Yeah,” Daryl said quietly.  “She’s still pretty broke up about it.”

“Yeah, she’s in a better place now.  I honestly…I was so surprised that she wanted to do this for us.  I feel guilty, but she says she wants to do this.”

“She does.  I can see it.  Still, I think she’s havin’ a tougher time than she lets on.  Think I upset her yesterday.”

“What happened?”

“Dunno,” Daryl shrugged, taking another pull on his cigarette.  “We were just talkin’, and she got real quiet and had to go.  Just think she’s havin’ a hard time talkin’ about her girl.  And it probably didn’t help that Katie was there, y’know?”

“She’s been through hell,” Aaron offered.  “Scared the hell outta me after Sophia died.  Thought we were gonna lose her, too.”  Aaron took another drink of his beer.  “Look, it’s not my story to tell.”  He narrowed his eyes at Daryl.  “You like her.”

“Didn’t say that,” Daryl murmured, bringing the cigarette to his lips and taking a final pull before flicking the last of it onto the sidewalk. 

“Why don’t you ask her to dinner?” Aaron offered. 

“She don’t know me.”

“Well, that’s the whole point of it.  Get to know her.  She’s finally in a place where she’s laughing and smiling again, and I’m honestly not sure she’s been on one single date since her divorce.  After Ed left, she focused on Sophia one hundred percent.  She’s not going to come out and ask somebody, but if somebody were to ask her…”

“Look, what makes you think I wanna take her out, anyway?” Daryl asked.

“Well, you’re the one that drove all the way over here just to ask me about her.  I think there’s something there.”  Daryl scoffed at that, but Aaron smirked.  “And it’s been, what, six months since you and Jenny split?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, any prospects?” Aaron offered.  “Look, I haven’t heard you say you’re going out or even mention another woman.  And I know you’re still interested in women.  I mean, I’d be more than happy to introduce you to a few guys at work if I thought that was your thing.”

“I got Katie,” he said quietly. 

“For how much longer?  Merle will be home soon, and then what excuse are you gonna have?”

“Merle ain’t gonna be around,” Daryl replied quietly.  “Look, I practically raised this girl since she was born.  She ain’t got no mama.  Her daddy can’t seem to keep himself outta trouble.  I’m all she’s got.”

“And what do you have, Daryl?” Aaron asked.  “You have a niece that takes up all of your time when you’re not at work.  And don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she’s got somebody like you to take care of her and make sure she’s ok.  But what about _you_.  I saw how you looked at her when you came over yesterday.  I mean, it was like every corny romance novel’s first meet cute.  I’m surprised the wind didn’t start blowing your hair all around while the birds heralded your arrival with a serenade.”  At Daryl’s scowl, Aaron grinned.  “Ask her out.  It’d do you both some good.  Here.  Give me your phone.”

“Why?  What for?”

“Just do it,” Aaron insisted.  Daryl sighed and dug his phone out of his pocket.  Aaron made quick work of tapping through the screens to the contact menu.  After a moment, he handed it back to Daryl, and Daryl stared down at it to see that Aaron had put Carol’s number in his contact list.  “Just ask her to dinner.”

Daryl stared down at his phone, and Aaron sighed when he saw the frown crease his face. 

“Oh, come on.  This isn’t seventh grade.  You’re both adults.  Just give her a call.  What’s the worst she could say?  No?  Then at least you can stop thinking about it.”  Daryl scowled.  “Hey, I’ve known you a long time, Daryl.  Just take a chance, alright?  You might like it.”

“Babe, I can’t find my copy of…oh, nevermind.  Got it.”  Eric stepped out onto the porch with a stack of DVDs in his hand, and he smiled when Aaron and Daryl turned to greet him.  His smile fell when he saw the serious look on both of their faces.  “Oh hell, what did you do?”

“What?” Aaron asked.

“He’s sulking.  What did you say?” Eric asked, raising an eyebrow as Aaron and Daryl stood.

“Oh, I just suggested he invite a pretty lady to dinner.  It’s not like he has to marry her.”

“Oh, a pretty lady?  Do I know this pretty lady?” Eric asked.

“Carol,” Aaron remarked with a chuckle.

“Carol?  As in our mutual friend and possible mother of our child who just so happens to have been inseminated with _his_ sperm?”

“The one and only,” Aaron said with a nod.  Eric pursed his lips for a moment before he let out a little laugh.

“Well, this could get complicated.”

“See?  Bad idea,” Daryl replied, shoving his hands in his pockets.  “Look, I gotta get to work.”

“It’s Sunday.  You don’t work on the weekends,” Aaron pointed out, as Daryl made a beeline for his motorcycle.

“Well, I got things to do,” he grumbled as the engine roared to life, and he took off down the road with the roar of the engine ripping through the air.  Aaron and Eric looked at one another, and Aaron smiled, shaking his head.

“Did you just plant a seed?” Eric asked.  “Because this could get _really_ messy, really fast.”

“You know, I don’t think I did.  She was already in his head when he got here.  I think I may have just nudged him in the right direction.”


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Daryl paced back and forth with his phone in his hand.  He peered down at the call screen, thumb hovering above the call button.  He could call her.  It would be as easy as breathing.  But then came the awkward talking part, and that, he knew, would fuck him up completely. 

Aaron’s words kept rattling around in his head.  Just ask her to dinner.  Ask her out.  It sounded so easy.  And he liked her.  He really did.   He’d been pushing Katie on the swing when he saw her sitting there by the pond tossing crumbs to the ducks.  And she’d looked so sad.  All he’d wanted was to go and talk to her, to check on her.  And those beautiful blue eyes had sparkled, and she’d smiled at him, and he’d damn near fainted from the way his heart was rattling around in his chest like greasy coin in and old tin can.  He’d been shaking on the inside, and he was actually amazed she hadn’t caught on. 

He’d grown up a lot in the last few years.  He’d gone from punk kid who smoked two packs a day and slept ‘til two in the afternoon to being somebody’s caretaker, to being responsible for someone other than himself. 

And it was getting harder and harder to tell Katie that her daddy would be home in a few days.  Daddy was just on vacation.  Daddy would call.  And sometimes he would, but often times he wouldn’t, and it infuriated Daryl when Katie would cry herself to sleep because her daddy hadn’t come walking through that door again.  He hated seeing that little girl’s heart break every time her daddy didn’t call or some home.

He’d grown up so much, grown into someone he hoped his niece would be proud to call her family, someone he hoped Merle could be for that little girl someday.  He held down a job that was steady in the summer and pulled in enough money to take care of things during the months that road work wasn’t as plentiful. 

But his social life had pretty much taken a back seat to his home life when Katie fell into his care.  The state awarded him custody of her just a few months ago, until Merle could get his shit together.  But his shit was never going to get together if he kept going off on these little ‘vacations’ to the slammer every time he turned around. So, that hadn’t left much time for relationships.  The past few dates he’d gone on had never led to second dates.

And there had been a few potentially good dates that maybe would have worked out, but Katie had gotten sick, and he’d stayed home, and he didn’t blame the child for that at all.  He’d been bitter toward Merle at times, because he was supposed to be the kid’s uncle, not the guy making sure she ate her vegetables and checking for monsters under the bed. 

When the phone buzzed in his hand, he jumped.  He didn’t recognize the number which meant it was most certainly Merle.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he grumbled, answering the call despite the fact that he knew he’d regret it.  “Merle?”

“How’d you know it was me?” his older brother asked with a chuckle.

“Just a hunch,” Daryl replied quietly.  “You out?”

“Yeah.  I’m out,” Merle promised.  “Hey, look, it’s probably gonna be a few days ‘til I can come by for Katie.  I wanna thank you for takin’ such good care of her.”

“If your ass would stay the hell outta jail, I wouldn’t have to,” Daryl pointed out.  He instantly felt guilty.  “I don’t mind havin’ her.  She’s a good kid.  You’d know that if you ever stuck around longer’n a week.”

“Look, I fucked up.  I know it.  Hey, let me talk to her for a minute.”

“It’s nine thirty.  The kid’s been in bed for an hour and a half.”

“Oh,” Merle said quietly.  “Well, I’ll call back in the mornin’.  I got a job lined up, and I wanna make sure it’s legit before I come home.”

“A real job or somethin’ that’s gonna get your ass thrown back in jail?”

“Have a little faith, baby brother,” Merle chuckled.  “Tell my baby girl her daddy’s gonna be home ‘fore she knows it.”

“I ain’t tellin’ her shit.  She cried for an hour tonight ‘cause you weren’t here.  I ain’t promisin’ her nothin’ from you.”  He sighed heavily.  “Just don’t fuck up again.  If you’re gonna come around, then clean yourself up.  She deserves a dad, not some prick that needs a fix more’n he needs to see his own kid.”

“Give me a little credit, bro.”

“Nah, you gotta _earn_ that credit.  I got her.  Don’t hurry if you ain’t ready, ‘cause I might just be her uncle, but I’m responsible for her.  I gotta protect her, even if that means I gotta protect her from her own daddy.”  Merle was silent for a moment, and Daryl was feeling the heat at the back of his neck, while his throat clenched and his eyes burned from the tears that welled there.  “She’s safe.  She’s growin’ like a weed.  And you ain’t here to see it.  Yeah, I know what you care about.”  He ended the call and threw his phone onto the couch. 

It was then that he heard a little gasp from the stairway.  He looked over to see Katie standing there clutching her doll to her chest.  Her lower lip trembled, and Daryl ran his hand over the back of his neck.

“Hey sweetheart,” he said quietly, taking a few tentative steps toward the staircase.  She clutched her doll a little closer and sat down on the step.  Daryl moved to get at eye level with her, and he reached out to take her little hand in his.

“Daddy’s not coming home, is he?”

“He’s gonna try, Katie.  Let’s give him a few days, ok?”

“He always says it’ll be a few days,” she pouted.  “He’s not coming back.”  Daryl sighed, wanting to comfort his niece but not wanting to lie to her either.  He hated that his brother was so selfish, that he was so caught up with garbage that he couldn’t put his daughter first. 

“C’mon,” Daryl said softly, lifting the little girl into his arms.  “I’ll read ya a story ‘til ya go to sleep, ok?”  She just nodded sadly and let him carry her back up to bed.

When Daryl got her tucked back in, he reached for her favorite book, and she curled onto her side with her doll in her hands, staring at Daryl with the saddest eyes he’d ever seen. 

“Can I live with you forever, Uncle Daryl?” she asked softly.  “I like it here.”  Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat and leaned forward, brushing the girl’s hair out of her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead.  He couldn’t make her that promise.  Oh, he wanted to, but he couldn’t.  He wasn’t going to break her heart like that. 

“Want me to do the voices?” he asked gently, opening the book.  She grinned and nodded, closing her eyes as he began to read to her.  By the time she was sleeping, Daryl resigned himself to the fact that his life was always going to revolve around this child.  He wasn’t bitter or angry at her.  He hadn’t asked for this, but this was the way life worked out.  Merle made the mess, and he cleaned up after him.  He wouldn’t let Katie be just another mess that needed managed.  Katie was worth more than that, and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure she never had to feel like just another obligation.

*~*~*~*~*

Carol paced back and forth, bare feet slapping against the tile floor. Two weeks had flown by and crept by at the same time if it was possible.  The nights were the longest, because it would take hours to fall asleep.  She was exhausted from worrying, when she knew she wasn’t supposed to be worrying. 

Today marked two weeks since the insemination, and she’d gone out after work the night before and bought four pregnancy tests.  She was a nervous wreck, but she wanted to be sure.  She knew that in her state of mind, one positive or one negative was not going to do.  She needed proof, either way, so that she could move on, move forward, maybe even try again.

She peered down at the little white stick balanced on the edge of the sink.  Nothing yet.  But she’d just peed on it, so it wasn’t like it was supposed to pop up with a bright pink line right away.  With a sigh, she pushed back from the sink and moved into her bedroom, trying to distract herself with folding laundry until the timer went off in the bathroom.

But just as she was grabbing for a fluffy white towel, her phone buzzed in her pocket.  She grabbed for it and checked the caller, not recognizing the number.  Deciding it could be someone from Dr. Greene’s office, she answered.

“Hello?”  Nothing.  “Hello?  This is Carol.”

“Hey.” 

“Hey…who’s this?”

“I…uh…this is Daryl.  Um, Dixon.”  What other Daryl would it be?  “’Course, you probably don’t know any other Daryl’s.”

“Not really,” she chuckled. 

“You’re probably wonderin’ how I got your number.  Uh, Aaron gave it to me.  I hope that’s ok.”

“That’s…that’s ok, Daryl,” she said slowly, sitting down on the edge of her bed. 

“Listen, are…are you busy?”  She glanced toward the bathroom, where the pregnancy test waited for her.  She heard the faint ding of the timer and felt her stomach jump a little.  She heard a fumbling on the line, followed by a thud.  _“Shit._ ”  She couldn’t help but cover her mouth to stifle a little laugh.  “Sorry.”

“I’m not busy,” she said gently, intrigued. 

“You ain’t?  Well, Katie’s in school for another couple hours, and I thought maybe you’d wanna meet for coffee.  Or…well, there’s a diner downtown that’s nice.”  He cleared his throat, and Carol bit her lip, feeling her neck grow hot and her cheeks flush.  He was _really_ bad at this, and it was the sweetest thing she’d heard for a while.  “Or would…I mean, maybe that’s weird.  I mean, with the situation and all…”

“I’m actually a little hungry,” she offered.  She cleared her throat, standing on trembling legs as she started for the bathroom.  “I could meet you there in twenty minutes.”

“Yeah?  Alright.  That’s…that’d be good.  Ok.”  He cleared his throat again.  “Just wanted to thank ya for braidin’ Katie’s hair that day at the park.  I know it was a while ago, I just wanted to…she was real happy about it.”  That was probably the biggest reach of an excuse to ask a girl on a date she’d ever heard, but it was unbelievably sweet and charming, and the smile that spread across her face was telling.  She glanced up at her own face in the mirror, and for the first time in a long time, she truly looked happy.  Her heart jumped, and her hand shook as she held her phone.  Maybe it was the excitement of taking this test, maybe it was the surprising happiness she felt by his phone call, or maybe it was a little bit of both.  But she felt great, and that was progress.

“I’m glad,” Carol responded with a little smile as she stepped over to the sink.  She peered down at the little stick and nearly dropped her own phone. 

“You ok?” he asked, as she fumbled to press it back to her ear.

“Uh, yeah,” she chuckled, clutching the edge of the sink as her heart began to race.  “I’m great.  I’ll see you in twenty, Daryl.”  With that, she ended the call, and she slowly sat down on the edge of the tub, grabbing the test and peering down to see one pink line and the tiniest, faintest hint of a second line.  It was barely there.  But it was there.  And the moment it hit her that she was pregnant, she began to cry.  And then she was laughing, clutching the test in her hand as she leaned over with her head in her hand. 

This was happening.  This was really happening, and the joy the filled her heart told her all she needed to know.  This was the right thing.  This was good.  And everything was going to work out.  She could feel it. 

She tossed the test in the trash, making a mental note to take the other tests later for good measure, and then she rushed around, heart racing and stomach twisting into knots as she prepared for this date—or whatever it was—and wondered how things had suddenly become so beautifully complicated.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Carol was starving by the time she arrived at the diner.  Daryl had chosen a table in the back, private and out of the glare of the sun.  She smiled when she saw him wave her over, and she waitress nodded knowingly when she told her she was with the guy in the back.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” she said with a little smile.  “I got stuck in traffic.”

“Nah, just got here myself,” he offered.  Carol sat down across from him, feeling suddenly nervous.  She hadn’t been on a date—if that’s what this really was—in so long, and she felt a little silly for being so giddy about it when she was currently pregnant with his child and they’d never so much as kissed.  It was a little odd, to say the least, but it felt nice to get out, to have someone to talk to other than the usual suspects, Michonne, Aaron and Eric.  “You ever eat here?”

“Hmm?  No, I don’t think so.”

“You’re missin’ out,” Daryl chuckled.  “They make a mean smiley face pancake.”  At her grin, he chuckled.  “I bring Katie here a lot.  She likes to have breakfast here, and I ain’t so much of a cooker.”  Carol grinned. 

“I love to cook.  I know, very Suzy Homemaker of me, right?  I enjoy it.  I like to try new things.  I used to be obsessed with watching those cooking shows,” Carol chuckled.  “I wanted to try new things, and when I got pregnant with Sophia, I wanted her to grow up liking healthy foods, so I tried to get Ed to eat the stuff I’d make.  He hated most of it.”  She shook her head.  “Sophia was pretty much content with eating canned spaghetti and peanut butter and jelly.  Oh well.”  She smiled a little at the memory, and Daryl watched the way her lower lip trembled for a moment. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, taking a sip of her ice water.  “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t gotta apologize.”  He cleared his throat.  “I don’t know what it’s like to go through somethin’ like that.  Hope I never find out.”  He watched as she wiped at her eyes with the heels of her hands, and he shook his head at the waitress when she headed over.

“I usually wait until I’m at least five minutes into a date before I start weeping,” she joked, taking another sip of ice water before she realized what it was she said.  “I mean, not that this is a date.  That’s…not what this is, is it?  I mean…God, I’m screwing this up already.”  She sniffled and shook her head, feeling the knot in her throat unbinding and her stomach slowly settling. 

“I asked Aaron for your number, ‘cause I liked talkin’ to ya the other day.  It was nice.”

“It was,” she agreed.  “But this is _so_ complicated.”  She smiled a little.  “I was actually happy you called, but I’m sitting here looking at you and trying to wrap my head around this whole situation, and it’s so…I don’t think I’ve ever known anything like it.  I’m really not sure how we do this.”

“Me neither,” Daryl said quietly, folding his hands in front of him on the table.  He shifted anxiously, and Carol smiled at the waitress when she started back toward them.  They ordered quickly, and when the waitress walked away, Carol turned her attention back to Daryl.

“I don’t go out a lot.  I work all day, I come home, I clean, I fix supper, I read or watch TV.  It’s pretty much become my routine since I lost Sophia.  When you called, I was actually surprised at how good it felt.  Being with you and Katie the other day was nice.”

“I thought maybe I upset ya, you know, about your little girl.”

“No, you didn’t.  It just comes with the territory, I guess.  It hurts like crazy, and it doesn’t ever stop.  But sometimes, I can go a whole week without tearing up.  It comes in waves, and sometimes I’m a complete mess.”  She shook her head.  “I miss her so much.”  She felt the tears in her eyes again, but she held them back.  She was getting better at that.  “I’m sorry.  I really do have better days than this.”

“Like I said.  Ya don’t gotta apologize.  I get it.  I ain’t been there myself, but I get it.”  He cleared his throat.  “You ever think of havin’ another one someday?  I mean, your own, not for somebody else.”  Carol smiled at that and shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m twenty-five.  I have my whole life ahead of me, right?  It feels a little surreal that I’ve been married, divorced and lost a child all before my thirtieth birthday.  I feel like I’ve already lived a lifetime in the past six years, you know?”  Daryl nodded.  “I won’t rule it out.  Maybe one day.”  She thought back to that positive pregnancy test and how happy and scared she’d been at the same time.  This was life.  This was moving forward.  This was good.

“Katie’s a handful for me,” he chuckled.  “I know I ain’t her daddy, but she’s like my own.”

“So your brother…”

“He called last night.  Oh, he’s outta jail, but he thinks he’s got a job.  I know what it means when he says that.  Means he’ll be back in jail before he even comes up to see Katie.”  He shook his head.  “She’s hurtin’.  Bravest little girl I know, but she’s hurtin’.”  He took another drink of water.

“She’s lucky to have you,” Carol offered.  “You’re good with her.”

“Don’t know what the hell I’m doin’ half the time.”

“Can I let you in on a secret?  None of us do.  Poor Sophia was my little guinea pig.  I had no idea what I was doing, but I learned a lot along the way.  Katie’s happy with you.  You keep her clean, keep her fed, make sure she goes to school.  She’s in good hands.”  She cocked her head to the side.  “I know it’s none of my business, but have you ever thought about adopting her?”  Daryl eyed her.  “I mean, she has a stable home with you.  I don’t know anything about your brother Merle or her home life when he’s around, but she seems happy with you.  She’s loved.”  Daryl looked down for a moment.  “I’m sorry if I overstepped, but I’m just telling you what I observed the other day.  I don’t know you.  I don’t know Katie.”

“I have custody of her,” he said quietly.  “State turned her over to me a few months ago, and it’s like Merle ain’t even tryin’ to get better.  I know he wants to, but he’s so far in, takin’ all kinds of shit that ain’t good for him.  It’s gonna kill him one day, and then where’ll that leave Katie?”  He swallowed the lump in his throat.  “He’s my brother.  She’s all he’s got.  Can’t just take that from him after everything.”

“But you have to do what’s best for Katie.”

“I am.  She’s got a roof over her head, food in her belly, a bed to sleep in.  But she ain’t gonna lose her daddy.”

“I didn’t say that,” Carol offered sternly.  “But, Daryl, that little girl looks at you like the world revolves around you.  _You_ are her daddy.  For all intents and purposes, you are her daddy.  You stepped in where her father couldn’t.  She’s gonna know that.  She’s gonna remember that.”  Daryl nodded then, and Carol gave him a reassuring smile.  “I know it isn’t my place.  But it sounds like your brother isn’t ready to be a dad.  But I think you became a dad the second that little girl wrapped you around her little finger.”

*~*~*~*

Daryl cut the engine to his truck when he pulled up behind Carol’s car out in front of her house.  They’d had a nice lunch, and they’d had some easy conversation once they’d gotten past the topics of Sophia and Katie, and Carol actually found herself laughing and having a good time.  She’d told him about a leak she had in her kitchen sink, and while he was no plumber, he offered to take a look. 

The thing was, toward the end of their little lunch date, Daryl had had this look on his face, a look that made her think there was more he wanted to say, maybe a question he wanted to ask.  And she was nervous.  She wasn’t used to men looking at her this way, but then again, she wasn’t used to noticing the way people looked at her, considering she’d been so wrapped up in her grief this past year.  She was starting to break out of what had become a comfort zone, a safe place inside of herself.  And it felt good to be stepping out and partaking in a little adult interaction, but at the same time, she wondered if maybe she should run for the hills.  She’d never been good at relationships, and the last thing a nice guy like Daryl Dixon needed was an emotional mess, especially when said emotional mess was currently embarking on a very fragile journey.

So, when they walked into the house, Carol showed Daryl into the kitchen, and he took a quick peek, assessing the situation.

“Ah, yeah.  You got a tool box?”

“In the basement,” she said with a nod.  “Ed never took it with him when he left, so I figured it might come in handy.”

“Alright.  Basement is….”

“The door in the pantry,” she said with a little smile.  “I really appreciate this.”

“Ain’t no problem.  It’ll be an easy fix, but I gotta have the right tools.  If you ain’t got what I need, I’ll have to go get my tools from home.”

“Oh, Ed had just about everything in there.  I’m sure you’ll find what you need.  Um, can you excuse me?  I have something to do.  I’ll just be a few minutes, and then I’ll be back down.”

“Yeah, sure,” Daryl offered with a nod.  Carol excused herself and headed upstairs.  She locked herself in the bathroom and grabbed another pregnancy test.

As she waited for the results, she placed a call.  After two rings, Michonne picked up.

“Carol?”

“Hey,” Carol said quietly.  “You’re at work?”

“I’m on lunch.  What’s up?”

“So, I’m upstairs, and Daryl’s downstairs, and I’m a little nervous.”

“Daryl?  Who?  Oh!  The sperm guy?”

“Yeah,” Carol groaned, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub.  “It’s weird, right?”

“What’s he there for?”

“He’s fixing a leak in my kitchen sink.”

“Ok, so that’s not weird.”

“But we sort of just went on a date.”

“Ok, still not weird.”

“It is when you consider the fact that I’m _pregnant_ with his baby.  Well, not _his_ baby, but his baby, you know?”

“Oh, ok, I can see the weirdness now.  Ok, but first of all, you’re pregnant?!”

“I took the test this morning.  One solid line and another very faint one.  And I’m waiting on test #2.”  She leaned over to peek at it.  “Yep, definitely two lines.”

“Oh my God,” Michonne chuckled.  “So we’re…we’re happy?”

“We’re very happy.  But terrified.  And anxious.  I need to call Dr. Greene, but I’m terrified to tell Eric and Aaron, because it’s so early, and I don’t want them to get their hopes up.”

“Well, of course not.  You can keep it to yourself for a while.  I know I won’t say anything,” Michonne offered.  “Are you…are you ok?”

“I’m ok. I’m gonna be ok.  But Daryl’s in my kitchen, and he’s been looking at me like he wants to ask me on another date, and I’m terrified.”

“Do you…do you want to go on another date?”

“Yes.  I do,” Carol muttered.  “I want to go, but I’m afraid to want to go.  I mean, where can this guy?  He’s the sperm donor.  I mean, it’s…”

“Don’t say weird.”

“Awkward?”

“Ok, that’s a little better,” Michonne chuckled.  “Carol Peletier, I am _so_ happy for you.” 

“You are?”  She chewed her lip anxiously as she stood and paced the bathroom floor with the second positive pregnancy test in her hand.

“Yes!  This is a good step.  You like him?”

“I do.  He smells like…well, tobacco and cologne, and you know I don’t normally like a smoker, because Ed smoked, but it’s not so strong on him.  And he has this smile that…and his eyes.  And I’m a hormonal mess already.  I think I may have scared him with my weeping.”

“You wept?”

“We were talking about Sophia,” she replied quietly.  “I know, not exactly the happiest of topics for a first date.  But he got me laughing, and we had a really nice time.  And I really do like him.  So if he asks me…”

“Then say yes!”

“Should I?  I mean…”

“Yes.  Just do it.  Don’t think it to death,” Michonne offered. 

“It could get messy.”

“Life is messy.  Life is _always_ messy.  But I haven’t seen you this happy since before you lost Sophia.  Honey, this is a _great_ thing, and I want you to know you’ve got my support.  I’ve got your back.  Whatever happens, I’m here.  If it goes nowhere, that’s ok, but it could go somewhere, couldn’t it?”

“I think…I think it really could.”  She bit her lip but couldn’t hide her smile from herself in the mirror. 

“Do you want it to go somewhere?  Carol, if you don’t want to do it, you can say no.  If he’s friends with Aaron and Eric, I’m sure he’s a  great guy, and if he can make you laugh and make you happy, then I’m on board with this.  Just go with your gut.  But don’t let morning sickness fool you into thinking you’re making a mistake.”  Carol chuckled at that, and she sniffled, tossing the test in the trash.  “You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok.  I just needed to talk to somebody.”

“I’m always here for you.  Remember that, ok?”

“Thanks, Michonne,” Carol said softly before ending the call.

She tucked her phone back into her pocket and washed her hands, splashing water over her face and toweling off.  She looked no worse for wear when she returned to the kitchen to find Daryl lying on his back with upper body halfway under the kitchen sink.

“You doing ok down there?”  He sat up quickly at her voice and banged his forehead against the metal pipe. 

“Shit,” he grumbled.

“Oh, God.  I’m sorry,” she gasped, kneeling down on the floor next to him as he rubbed at the red mark on his forehead, making it even redder.  He chuckled and winced.

“S’alright.  No harm done.”  She relaxed a little then and leaned forward to rub a smudge off of his cheek.  When she touched him, his gaze locked on hers, and she felt her heart skip a beat.  He brought his hand up to gently wrap his fingers around hers before he gently pulled her hand away from his face.   “Don’t worry.  I hit my head worse’n this before.”

“Well, I feel terrible.  You’re being so nice and fixing my sink, and I’m coming in here and scaring the hell out of you.”

“Hey, I wasn’t scared,” he gruffed with a little smirk.  “You just sneak up all quiet-like.”

“I’ll stomp next time,” she teased.  Daryl chuckled at that and ducked back under.  A few moments later, he pulled himself back out and wiped his hands on the sides of his jeans.

“Got it,” he announced. 

“Really?”

“Yeah.  Simple.  I can show ya for next time,” he offered.  “Or you can just call me.  Be happy to help ya.”  Carol smiled at that, and she watched as he stood and tucked Ed’s old tools back into the box.  He placed the metallic red box on the counter and cleared his throat, turning toward her.

“So you wanna—“

“I had a nice—“

They both paused the let the other speak, and then Daryl chuckled nervously, raking his fingers back through his hair.

“I had a nice time,” she said with a smile. 

“Before or after I made ya cry?”

“You didn’t,” she promised.  “Thank you for lunch.  It was amazing.”

“You wanna do it again sometime?”   He watched the blush fill her cheeks as she pondered her options, and then she nodded.

“Yeah, I think that would be ok,” she offered.  “Um, I’m gonna be pretty busy with work for a few weeks.  Paperwork and the board of health is coming in.  But maybe after things settle down a little…”

“Yeah,” he nodded.  “Um, so I don’t wanna pry, ‘cause it really ain’t my place to ask, but…when are ya gonna know if you’re…”

“If I’m pregnant?” she asked, finishing the question when she realized how he was struggling with it.  He nodded.  “Soon.”  He nodded.  “Is that a problem?”

“Huh?  No!  No, it ain’t a problem.  It’s just…”

“Yeah, I know,” she said with a little smile.  “It’s awkward.”  They were walking down the hall now and toward the front door.  When they stopped, Daryl shoved his hands into his pockets and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Ain’t that it’s awkward.  It’s just…different.  Ain’t never been in the middle of somethin’ like this before.  I mean, my part’s pretty much done unless they need me to do it again.”

“You’d do it again?”

“Aaron and Eric’ve been good friends to me.  Yeah.  I ain’t got no regrets.”  He eyed her.  “Do you?”

“Mmm, no,” she offered with a little smile.  “But if I am pregnant, you’d be ok with…you know, getting to know each other?”

“If I had a problem with it, I never woulda called,” he said quietly.  “I don’t scare easy.”  Carol trembled under his gaze, watching the way his ice blue eyes softened and his lips curled up in a little smile.  That smile could be the death of her, and she knew it.  “I’m gonna call you tomorrow.  That ok?”

“Yeah,” she said with a little smile, as he brushed his hand over her shoulder and leaned in to place a kiss against her cheek.

“Alright.  You gonna answer?  ‘Cause if you’re gonna change your mind, you can, ya know.”

“Stop,” she chuckled.  “I’ll answer.”  She took a shaky breath as he gave her shoulder a little squeeze, and then, he stepped out onto the front porch and ducked his head slightly as she watched him through the screen door.  “Daryl?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Told you it ain’t a problem.  Easy fix,” he said with a little shrug.

“Not for the sink.  Just…thank you.  I had a really nice time today.”  She watched him duck his head again before he nodded, and then he gave her a little smile.

“I’ll call you tonight. Don’t think tomorrow’s soon enough.”  Then he turned and started down the porch steps, and Carol felt her heart do a little dance when he looked over his shoulder before sliding into his truck and pulling away. 

Things were getting brighter and better, and she absolutely could not wait for her phone to ring again.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Week 2 – You’re On Your Way, Baby!_

_Today, I took 4 home pregnancy tests and got 4 positive results!  I’ve decided to write a diary of this journey for you to read one day.  You aren’t even here yet, but you are already so loved and so wanted.  This is a very special situation, and I am assuming that if you’re reading this, your dads have decided that it’s time for you to learn about your extraordinary journey into the world._

_I don’t know what you call me.  Maybe it’s Aunt Carol.  Maybe it’s Carol.  Maybe your dads packed up and moved to Hawaii and you don’t even know me.  No, I doubt that’s the case._

_Your dads are wonderful men, and I am proud to call myself their friend.  And I hope you understand that your existence in this world has brought a new hope into my life.  I lost my own daughter over a year ago, and it was the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through.  Deciding to help your dads have you was not a choice I made lightly.  But I knew they would make wonderful parents, and no matter if you’re upset or frustrated with them sometimes, they love you.  I know this.  And you aren’t even here yet.  They don’t even know about you yet.  You’re my little secret.  And Michonne’s.  Shh.  Don’t tell your dads._

_Biologically, I’m your mother, though I don’t know if you think of me as that.  I didn’t have you to be a mother, and I don’t mean that in a bad way.  I decided to have you so your dads could be parents, and yes, we share a genetic link. Whether you want it to be more than that, I suppose we’ll know years from now.  But just know that I already love you with everything in me, and that will never change._

_Your biological father is Daryl.  He’s a kind man, and I’m just beginning to get to know him.  I know you probably think your family is crazy, but as crazy it may seem, you have been the priority since the moment the plan to have you was set in motion.  On this day, you’ve made me cry and smile and laugh just by existing.  Just know this.  You are loved.  That will never change._

_Love,_

_Carol_

Carol was pretty satisfied with four positive results.  The second she tossed the last one in the trash, she made an appointment with Dr. Greene’s office.  And then she found herself pacing with her cell phone in hand, awaiting Daryl’s call.

He’d only just left an hour ago, and she knew it was crazy to be this eager for a call from a man she barely knew.  But she was excited.  She hadn’t felt like this in so long, and just thinking about him put a smile on her face.

To think on it for long may have had her doubting herself.  Given that she was pregnant and embarking on a surrogacy for her friends, she knew that starting a new relationship would only further complicate things, especially considering Daryl was the biological father of the child she was carrying.  Still, she hadn’t felt this happy in so long, and she wasn’t about to deny herself some positivity after all the pain she’d been through.

When the phone rang, she nearly jumped out of her skin, and when she checked to see who was calling, she put her hand over her heart, feeling it racing beneath her fingertips.  It was Aaron.

“Hey,” she said cheerfully, heading down the stairs and into the living room where she flopped onto the couch.

“You ok?  You sound out of breath?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she laughed.  “I’ve been pacing.”

“What’s up?”

“Daryl left a little bit ago.  He says you gave him my number.”

“I hope that was ok.”

“Thank you,” Carol said softly.  “I had a great time with him today.”

“So you two went out?” Aaron asked with interest.

“We did.  Well, sort of,  Maybe it wasn’t a date.  We had lunch, and then he came and worked on my plumbing.”  She heard Aaron choke on the other end of the call. 

“Sorry, that sounded oddly sexual.”

“Oh, hush,” Carol snorted.  “He wants to see me again.”

“He’s pretty smitten, I have to say,” Aaron chuckled.  “Good for you.  You sound happy.” 

“I am,” Carol said with a happy sigh.  “Hey, what are you doing right now?”

“Oh, we’re looking at puppies at the pound.  Eric thinks if we get a puppy, it’ll give me a head start on parenting.”

“Eric does know a baby isn’t anything like a puppy, right?”

“Yes, he does, but he wants to start me out with a puppy and see how I do there.  Can you believe this guy?”

“You tell him to leave you alone.  You’re going to be a great dad.”  She swallowed hard and pushed back the urge to spill the news, but the last thing she wanted to do was get their hopes up before an actual doctor’s appointment.  “So, what’s up?”  After all, he had been the one to call her.

“Oh, we just wanted to invite you over to dinner sometime this week just to say thank you.  I mean, a pot roast really isn’t anything compared to the gift of life, but it’s a start, right?”

“Oh, that’s definitely a start,” Carol laughed. 

“How’s Thursday night sound?”

“Sounds great,” Carol said with a little smile. 

“Hey, any luck with the pregnancy tests?  I don’t want you to think we’re pressuring you or anything.  We’re just a little anxious.”

“Um, I haven’t...I haven’t gotten around to taking them yet,” she lied.  “I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Greene.  Just to, you know, follow up.”

“Oh,” Aaron said quietly.  “Sure.  I understand that.  Are you feeling ok?”

“I feel great,” Carol replied softly.  “Hey, I’ll let you know how the appointment goes, ok?”  She heard a beep as another call tried to come through, and though she felt guilty about ending her talk with Aaron so quickly, a part of her just knew it was Daryl calling.  “Hey, I’ve got someone trying to call.”

“It’s Daryl, isn’t it?”

“Hey,” Carol laughed, “give me some credit.”

“Oh, I give you _all_ the credit.  And I fully support this, by the way.”

“Thank you,” Carol chuckled.  “Love you.”

“We love you, too.  Now don’t keep him waiting!”  Carol laughed and ended the call before answering the next one.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Daryl said quietly, making Carol blush with excitement.  “What’re you doin’?”

“Um, right now?  Laying on my couch, staring at the ceiling and thinking about painting my entire house.  You?”

“Uh, just got home.  You got plans tonight?”

“Aside from curling up with a good book?  Not really.”

“Well, Katie was wantin’ to invite ya over for a movie night.  She just picked out a movie at the store, and she wants you to come watch it.”

 “Sure, _Katie_ does,” Carol teased.

“Hey, it’s a serious Princess movie, for the record.  Princess movies are a very serious business in our house.”

“Oh, ok.  In that case, how could I say no?”

*~*~*~*~*

If she wasn’t so enthralled by the way his biceps looked in that t-shirt, she’d have probably been embarrassed of herself.  But she couldn’t help it.  She’d been absolutely unable to focus on the movie.  She’d been too busy watching him deal with Katie, watching him act like a total goof ball just to make the little girl laugh.

And then Katie would leave the room to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water, and he’d be still and quiet, and he’d look at her, and she’d feel the heat fill her face, and she’d wondered if he could see her blush.  She’d never been so… _taken_ with a practical stranger before, but sitting in his living room and watching him in  his element and seeing the genuine, mutual adoration this little girl and his man had for one another and how good he was with her just made her heart flutter. 

And she felt a little guilty that her gaze would roam down his chest and over his stomach, watching the way his shirt clung to him every time he took a deep breath.

 And then, somehow, the movie was over far too soon, and Daryl was in the middle of a standoff with a very stubborn four year old.

“But Uncle _Daryl_!  _Pleeeeeeease!_ ”  Katie pouted as she sat on the edge of the couch with her doll clutched firmly in her arms.  “Five more minutes?”

“I gave you five more minutes twenty minutes ago,” Daryl said sternly.  “You gotta go to sleep.”

“But…”

“No buts.”  He knelt down in front of her and looked her in the eye.  “You don’t wanna be sleepy at school tomorrow, do ya?”

“No, but…I wanna talk to Miss Carol.”  Katie poked her lower lip out for good measure, and Carol’s heart just about broke in two.

“Aw, sweetheart, maybe we can watch another movie again soon, ok?  But your uncle Daryl’s right.  You really need to get some sleep.  Sleep helps you grow, and you wanna grow up to be a big girl, right?”

“I guess,” Katie pouted.  Carol bit her lip to keep from laughing. 

“You want me to read you a bedtime story?” Daryl offered.

“No.  Miss Carol, can you read to me?”  Carol felt her heart jump up into her throat.  Sophia had loved bedtime stories, and in some ways, this little girl reminded her so much of her daughter. 

Daryl caught the pain in Carol’s eyes, and he cleared his throat.

“Maybe some other time, Katie,” he said softly.  “Miss Carol’s tired.”

“Oh, it’s ok,” Carol offered, walking over and taking Katie’s hand.  “I’ll read to her.  I know a really good Princess story.”

“I want a motorcycle story,” Katie murmured as the two walked down the hall to the bedroom.  Carol cast a glance over her shoulder at Daryl who gave her a thumbs up before following down the hall.  If Carol was going to tell his niece a motorcycle story, he was damned well going to have to get an earful of it.

*~*~*~*~*

“I’m impressed,” Daryl chuckled, as he and Carol slipped down the hallway and into the living room.  “For somebody who don’t know much about motorcycles, that story was pretty convincin’.”

“Well, thank you,” Carol laughed.  “I’m pretty good at improv when I have to be.”  She smiled and took a seat on the couch.  “I swear that kid is the happiest kid I’ve ever seen.”

“Ain’t always like that,” he said quietly, sitting down next to her, keeping a bit of distance between them.  “But I try and keep her mind off of her daddy not bein’ here.”  He shook his head, and Carol gave him a sad smile.

“You know, Ed didn’t come around much after the divorce.  He’d pick Sophia up maybe once a month, and she would ask for him.  She’d cry.  She loved me, but sometimes a little girl just wants to run to her daddy.  She didn’t have that with Ed.”

“What’d you do?”

“I did the best I could.  I tried to keep her busy and not thinking about what she was missing out on.  Most days were good, but sometimes she’d be inconsolable at night.  I hated it, and I hated Ed for not being there for his daughter.  The divorce was one thing, but he was still her father.” 

“You ever see him?”

“The last time I saw him was the day we put my daughter in the ground.  I’d never seen him look so…brokenhearted.  I think he lives with it every day.”  She sighed heavily and took a deep breath.  “I think I need a long vacation.”

“That don’t sound bad,” Daryl said with a nod.  “Just time to get away and be by yourself.  I get it.”

“Oh, I have too much to do at work, and we both know what I’ve got going on otherwise.”  She smiled a little and shook her head.  “Maybe after the baby gets here.”  Daryl eyed her.  “I mean, if there’s even a baby.”  She blushed then, and Daryl raised an eyebrow.

“You know, don’t ya?”

“I…no!”

“You do.  I saw ya touchin’ your belly earlier, and I thought maybe…”

“I’m not, Daryl.  I just…it’s the power of suggestion.  I’ve just been thinking about it, and…”

“You’re a really bad liar,” Daryl snorted.  Carol sighed then, shoulders slumping. 

“I haven’t told Aaron and Eric yet.  I’m afraid to get their hopes up.  I want to be a little further along before I tell them.  I want to be sure.  I haven’t even seen the doctor yet.” 

“So you…it’s really happenin’?”

“Yeah,” Carol said with a little nod, placing her hand on her stomach.  “This is real, and I’m…just glad I’m not hyperventilating into a paper bag.”  Daryl glanced down at her stomach, watching the way her fingers bunched the fabric up, and he looked back up at her face, seeing the way her lower lip trembled.  “I’m scared.  I’m really scared.  But I’m happy and excited, and I know it’s normal to feel this way.  I’m just…I can’t believe it.”  She took a deep breath and relaxed against the couch, feeling her stomach flutter when Daryl turned slightly in his seat to face her.  “So tell me I’m crazy.”

“For what?”

“For…this.”  She gestured emphatically between the two of them.  “I’ve been sitting here all night trying to focus on this cute little movie, and all I could focus on was your hands and your eyes and your mouth when you smile.  And it’s probably too soon to blame hormones, but I keep watching your mouth and wondering what it’d be like to kiss you, and I swear I’m not usually like this.  And I’m pregnant with…well, _your_ child, and it’s _not_ our child, and I’m wondering how the hell we’re supposed to do this, because I _really_ want to be kissing you right now.  So tell me I’m crazy, because this is obviously the craziest thing I’ve ever—”

And then he was on her, fingers threading through her short-cropped hair, pulling her to him in a kiss that was a blur of lips and tongues and teeth, and she found herself losing her grip on all inhibition, and he his hands were moving down her neck and over her shoulders before he was wrapping her in his arms and pulling her closer.

“I really didn’t expect this,” she panted against his lips, when they broke apart for a breath.

“Yeah, me neither, but I like kissin’ you.”

“I like you kissing me,” she chuckled, before he was kissing her again, and she was tugging gently at his hair, bringing him closer, relishing the feel of his weight against her when he lay her back against the couch.  And they went on like this for a good few minutes, hands staying in the safe zone, neither quite ready to take it that far just yet, but the kiss in itself was hungry, determined, needy.  And when he finally pulled back again, her hands were skimming along his back, and her lips were pink and a little swollen.  He was a little taken aback at his own boldness, but he would have been lying if he’d said he hadn’t been sneaking glances at her all night, too.  “We should stop.”

“Probably should,” he murmured, kissing her again.  She giggled then, pressing at his shoulders gently, urging him up from her mouth.  “Ok.  We’re stoppin’.”  They chuckled together, and he sat up, pulling her up so she could smooth out her rumpled shirt.  He traced his thumb over her bottom lip, licking his own lips at the same time, and she felt something deep down, felt a deep-seated need for more of his touch.  But she knew it was too much, too fast. 

“I should…go home,” she stammered.  “Because I’m feeling a lot of things right now, and we might both regret it if I act on them.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, gaze moving down her neck and to the slight dip in the neck of her shirt where her chest heaved with each burning breath.  “I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Mmm…tomorrow sounds good.”  She blushed when he leaned in to kiss her softly one last time, barely touching his lips to hers before he stood and took her hand, helping her up. 

“Maybe we are crazy,” he said quietly, as he walked her to the door.  “But I ain’t a stranger to crazy.  I like you.”

“I like you, too,” she admitted with a little nod, ducking her shoulders as they stepped out onto the front porch.  “I just need a little time.  I don’t know what got into me tonight.”

“I can give ya time.  I ain’t in no hurry.”  He brushed his thumb over her knuckles, and he pulled his arms around her, bringing her into a hug.  She sighed, resting her cheek against his shoulder, resisting the urge to press her face against his neck and breathe in his scent.  She felt a little drunk on him, and it was new and exciting, but she knew things were so much more complicated than attraction and desire.  She had another life to think about, and that had to come first. 

“Ok, tomorrow,” she whispered, pulling back from the hug and meeting his gaze to find him eyeing her with a curious hunger. 

“Tomorrow,” he agreed, before she let go of his hand and hurried down to her car.  She glanced up at the porch before she drove away, watching him watching her, and she placed her hand against her chest, willing her racing heart to slow down.  But she had a feeling slowing down wasn’t going to be an easy option.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Daryl ran his hand over his freshly-shaven chin, tilting his head and admiring the change in the mirror.  He hadn’t shaven for nearly a week, but that was the kind of thing that happened when the kid was sick and he spent all of his waking hours making sure she was ok.  Thankfully, road work was slow that week, and his boss had been fine with him taking a few days off to be with Katie.  The last thing he wanted to do was leave his sick niece with a babysitter since she couldn’t go to preschool with her fever.

But Katie was all better, and her fever had broken more than twenty-four hours ago, and Andrea’s parents had come to town to visit and check in on their granddaughter.  It wasn’t often that they came in from Phoenix, but Daryl had always been honest with them from the time he’d been given custody of Katie.  Merle hadn’t come around since getting sprung out of jail the last time, and of course they were worried.  He wouldn’t lie to them, even though he knew they’d discussed taking custody of the girl after Andrea passed away.  Still, they were in their late sixties, they had raised their kids, and the last thing Katie needed was to be uprooted from her life and moved over a thousand miles away.

But they had taken her for the night, keeping her at their suite at the hotel downtown so they could spend the day with her and bring her back to sleep over.  Daryl had insisted they have her back at a decent time in the morning, because she had to rest up for pre-school Monday morning, and they’d seemed pretty impressed with how he’d gotten firm with them and insisted on rules and boundaries with Katie.  He was putting her education first, and that was a hell of a lot more than they’d expected out of Merle Dixon’s brother.

It made him anxious, to say the least, that they had Katie and he wasn’t there to supervise.  But he knew the Harrisons were good people and they loved Katie a lot.  The fact that she bore a striking resemblance to her mother probably bonded them closer to her than any of them expected, but he knew she was in good hands with them.  And honestly, he knew that if it came down to it, they could give Katie a good life. But he didn’t want to give her up.  He wanted to hold out hope that Merle would turn his life around, that things would get better, that even if things _didn’t_ get better, he wouldn’t have to lose this child he’d come to care for as his own.  So he wasn’t going to argue with the Harrisons about an overnight visit.  He wasn’t going to make things difficult or challenge them unless necessary.  He wanted a good visit for Katie, and he wanted them to see how happy and well-adjusted the little girl had become in his care. 

So tonight, he was going to take his mind off of everything, and he was going to pick Carol up and take her out and actually have a real date.  And he couldn’t wait to see her again.  Despite all the anxieties he had at home, just thinking about her and her smile and her voice had him tapping his foot anxiously wishing time would move a little faster.

As he splashed a little aftershave on his face and winced at the burn, he heard the front door slam shut, and he jumped. 

“Hey, ain’t anybody gonna come give Merle a big ‘ole hug?”  Daryl froze for a moment before he tore out of the bathroom and confronted his brother in the living room. 

“Where the hell you been?” he asked, standing there with a towel over his shoulder, water beading off of his damp hair and down his bare chest as he stood there, fire in his eyes, fists balled at his sides.

“Oh, lookin’ good there, Darylina.  You forget yer heels, though.”

“Fuck you.”

“That any way to talk to your niece’s daddy?”

“That’s bullshit,” Daryl snorted.  “What are you doin’ here?”

“I told you I was comin’ back.”

“This ain’t a good time.”

“Where’s my girl?” Merle asked, shoving his duffel bag off of his shoulder and onto the couch.

“She ain’t here,” Daryl muttered, tossing the towel over the back of a chair.  “She’s with Nora and Jack.”  The color left Merle’s face for a moment, and he looked away, running his hand over his face. 

“Fuck.  That ain’t good.”

“So you need to get the hell outta here.  They see you ‘round here, they’re gonna take her back to Phoenix.”

“I’m the girl’s daddy.”

“You’re the girl that knocked up their daughter.  Look at ya.  Ya look like shit.  What’re you on?”

“Just needed somethin’ to even me out.  Had a job interview.”

“Man that was days ago!” Daryl snapped.  “You been outta jail over a week, and you’re just now comin’ around?” 

“Look, I got a job lined up.”

“What kinda job?”

“The kind that puts money in my pocket.  Gives my kid the things she needs.”

“So somethin’ that’s gonna get your ass in trouble?”

“You got a crick in your neck lookin’ down at me from that high horse?” Merle asked with a smirk.

“Man, I ain’t got time for this.” Daryl turned and moved back into the bedroom where he tugged a button down shirt over his head and grabbed his boots out of the closet.  Merle was in the doorway within a few seconds. 

“I wanna see my girl.”

“You shoulda thought about that when you got outta jail.  Katie’s doin’ just fine.  She misses you, but she’s gonna miss you more if you come around and leave again.  So just go.  I got her.  She’s fine.  Been doin’ fine without you.”  He looked up from the bed as he laced his shoes.  “The Harrisons see you around here, neither one of us is gonna see her again.  You want that?  Just go.  You bein’ here ain’t helpin’ shit!”

“You ain’t got no right to keep her from me!” Merle insisted, as Daryl pushed past him and headed back into the living room.   “That’s my kid!”

“Yeah, I got custody of your kid,” Daryl spat at him.  “The only one keepin’ that girl from you is _you_.  You wanna fight me, then you gotta get yourself clean, get yourself a honest job, get a place for yourself that ain’t surrounded by fuckin’ meth houses.  If you can’t do that, then you need to walk away.  ‘Cause one day, she’s gonna hate you, and she’s gonna remember all the times you weren’t there.  You wanna be like dad?”

“I’d never put a hand on her.  And I never put a hand on her mama!”

“I ain’t talkin’ about that.  I’m talkin’ about how he wasn’t there.  We got outta that shit.”

“ _You_ got outta that shit.  You went off to school, you left mama alone with him,” Merle growled. 

“You left a long time before I did.”  Daryl’s chest was heaving now as he fought back the urge to beat the shit out of his older brother.  “You run off, and you left me there, but I fought my way out.  I moved away.  I got out.  You think I didn’t beg her to come with me?   You think she didn’t call me cryin’ every weekend, beggin’ me to come home? You know what kinda shit that does to a person’s head?  Yeah, you don’t, ‘cause you didn’t pick up the goddamned phone.  You didn’t go back.”

“Daryl…”

“You didn’t see her lyin’ in that pool of blood.  You didn’t pick her up off that floor and rush her to the hospital.  You didn’t have to clean up your daddy’s sick as he lay there wonderin’ what the hell he done.  But you know what mama said to me when she woke up in the hospital?  She said all she wanted was him to be home more with us.  She was layin’ there lookin’ at me like I was five again.  She was all strung out.  She said all she wanted was for him to be home with us, to be a good dad.  That’s why she never left him, ‘cause she thought he’d change.  But he didn’t, and you ain’t never gonna change either.  Not if you keep goin’ like this.  You got a fuckin’ kid, and you’re still too goddamned selfish to change for her!”

Merle was stunned silent.  He swallowed the lump in his throat, staring at Daryl, watching him shake, watching his face redden with anger. 

“Go on.  You wanna hit me?”

“You ain’t worth it,” Daryl spat.  “You wanna pawn your kid off on me.  You want me to take care of things like I always done.  You know what?  I’m doin’ what I always done.  Takin’ care of what you left behind.  Walk away or stay.  But if you walk, don’t come back.”

*~*~*~*

Carol checked herself over in the mirror, feeling pretty impressed with the fact that she’d managed to style her hair and put on a touch of makeup despite the fact that she’d thrown up twice since getting out of the shower.  But now, she was feeling great, her breath was minty fresh, and she was ready to go.

It had been a week since he’d kissed her, a week since they’d made out like teenagers on the sofa, a week since they’d actually hung out together, but they’d spoken on the phone nearly every night, and just the thought of seeing him again had her heart racing her in her chest. 

She’d hoped that he’d be at Aaron and Eric’s when she’d gone over for dinner a few nights ago, but Katie had been sick, and he’d stayed home to make sure she was ok.  And it had been all Carol could do to get through the dinner without telling Aaron and Eric that they were going to be parents.  She had scheduled an appointment with Dr. Greene, but he had had to cancel at the last minute, so she was still waiting on that, and she didn’t want to give anything away until after she knew for certain that things were ok and that the baby was going to be ok.  She’d taken a handful of other pregnancy tests, all with the same results, and she was more than ready to get an official confirmation from the doctor.

So now, she was anxiously waiting Daryl coming to pick her up for their first real date, and now that she was satisfied that she looked better than she’d been feeling before, she headed down the stairs and out onto the porch.

It was a warm night, but not too warm, and it felt nice to sit on the porch swing and watch the neighborhood wind down as the sun began to descend behind the tall houses and trees.  She smiled when her phone rang and his name popped up.  That increasingly familiar fluttering in her belly that came every time she heard his voice on the phone started up, and she took a deep breath.

“Hey,” she said softly.  “You on your way?”  She heard a sigh followed by what sounded like a grunt of frustration. “Daryl?”

“M’sorry,” he murmured.  “I really wanted to take ya out tonight, but…”

“Is Katie ok?” she asked, bringing her hand to her chest, sitting up straight, feet planted firmly on the porch to keep the swing still.

“Yeah.  Yeah, she’s great.  She’s, um, she’s fine. Somethin’ came up, and I ain’t gonna make it tonight.”

“Oh.  Ok.  That’s alright,” she said softly, thankful they were doing this over the phone.  She was certain the look on her face was one of disappointment.  “Is everything ok?”

“I think so,” he said quietly.

“Daryl, if you…if you need to talk?”

“You gonna be up a while?”

“Yeah,” Carol said softly.

“I’ll call you later, ok?”

“Ok,” she said softly.  “Daryl, I’m worried about you.  Do you need anything?”

“Nah.  I’m ok.  Don’t gotta worry about me,” he said with a half-hearted chuckle.  “You sure you’re ok with this?”

“Daryl, I’m fine.  We can do this any time.  I just…you sound upset.  Please call me tonight, ok?”

“I will.  Promise,” he said quietly.  “I gotta go.”  Then the line was quiet.  Carol put her phone down, placing her hand against her stomach.  She took a deep breath and tried to calm her worries and her nerves.  He wasn’t blowing her off.  He wasn’t ending things before they began.  But something was wrong, and he wasn’t talking, and that worried her.  And whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to include her.

Then it hit her.

She grabbed for her phone and quickly dialed Aaron’s number.  It rang twice before he answered.

“Carol?  Everything ok?”

“You need to get to Daryl’s.  Something’s going on, and I’m worried.  Can you get over there?”

“Yeah.  Um…yeah.  I can leave right now.  Did he sound ok?”

“Something’s wrong.  I talk to him on the phone almost every night, and there’s something going on.  He said Katie’s ok.  Just…can you check on him?”

“Yeah.  I’m on my way.  I’ll call you, ok?”

“Thanks, Aaron.  Thank you.”  She ended the call and fought the urge to run to her car and rush over to Daryl’s on her own.  But if he’d wanted her there, he’d have told her.  No, he didn’t want her there.  Whatever was going on, he’d let her in when he was ready, but that wasn’t going to keep her from worrying.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Carol grabbed for her phone the second it buzzed beside her on the couch cushion. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Aaron said quickly.  “I just got to Daryl’s, but nobody’s home.  Place is dark and the house is locked.  Nobody came to the door when I knocked.  Mrs. McLeod next door said a taxi let some guy out, and she heard them arguing, and then they left together in Daryl’s truck.

“Some guy?”

“Yeah, she said he was tall, looked kinda rough.  Only thing I can think is it’s his brother.”

“Merle?” Carol asked quietly.  “He did say Merle got out of jail but hadn’t come up to see Katie yet.  You think they’re ok?”

“I’m not sure.  I tried calling his cell, but he’s not answering.  I’m sure they’re probably just going out for a drink.”

“After an argument?”

“Well, I’ve seen stranger things.  If it’d make you feel better, I can stick around until he comes home.”

“No,” she said uncertainly.  “No, don’t do that.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.  You were worried.  To tell you the truth, I’m a little worried, too, but I also know that when it comes to Merle, Daryl can take care of himself.”

“He said he’d call me tonight.”

“Then I’m sure he will.  He keeps his word.  You ok?  You need anything?”

“I’m ok,” she said quietly, placing her hand on her belly, gently strumming her fingers there.  “Thanks, Aaron.”

“Hey, no problem.”  She ended the call, and started to dial Daryl’s number.  But just as she was about to push send, a knock at her door startled her.  She stood quickly and made her way over to the door.  To her surprise, Daryl stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets looking a little upset and on edge.

“Daryl?”

“Can I come in?”  She nodded and opened the door, standing aside so he could slip in.  He cleared his throat as he stood awkwardly in her living room, and she shut the door and turned to face him. 

“What’s wrong?  What happened?  I sent Aaron to check on you.  I was worried.”

“I’m alright.”

“What happened?”

“Merle happened.  Didn’t really expect him to show up, though I guess I shoulda, ‘cause he has a bad habit of showin’ up at the wrong time.”  He was a little shaky, and Carol moved toward him, gently putting her hand on his arm. 

“You want a cup of coffee?”  He cleared his throat and gave her a little nod before following her into the kitchen.  He settled down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen.  Carol put the coffee on and sat down across from him at the table.   “Wanna tell me about it?”

“You know I’ve got Katie.  That I’ve got custody of her.  You know Merle was mixed up in some bad shit.”

“Yeah,” Carol said softly.

“Andrea was Katie’s mama.  Um, her folks are in town, and they got Katie for the night.  They never much had a problem with me, ‘cause I’ve shown ‘em I can take care of her.  They’re older, but they’ve still said they’re willin’ to take Katie back with them and raise her.  Things are…fragile.  Guess that’s the best word to use.  But they ain’t got any patience for Merle.  They never approved of him, and when Andrea died, they didn’t care for how he just shut down the way he did.  They didn’t push takin’ custody of her back then, ‘cause I talked ‘em out of it.  Told ‘em to give Merle a chance.  Then Merle fucked up.”  Carol watched as Daryl’s fingers shook against the oak table top.    “When he stopped comin’ around so much, they felt better, but they’re still nervous, I guess.”

“You’re afraid if they see Merle’s around again, they’ll want to take Katie.”

“Yeah.  And if they saw Merle the way he was tonight, they’d have took her in a heartbeat.”

“You have custody of her, Daryl.  They can’t do that.”

“They could take me to court.  They could win.  They’re her grandparents, and they’re good folks.  No way would a judge give her to me over them if they fought for her.”  Carol swallowed the lump in her throat but said nothing.  “I told him to get out.  I told him to go away.  Told him he ain’t wanted here.”

“Is that the truth?  You don’t want him here?”

“I guess I’ve known for a while that he ain’t ever gonna change.  But I keep makin’ these promises to Katie that I can’t keep.  She ain’t ever gonna have the kinda relationship with her daddy that she wants, and I can’t do nothin’ about it.”

“Daryl, where is Merle now?”  He looked away.  “Daryl?”

“Look, I had to do somethin’.  I had to get him gone.  If Nora and Jack showed up and Merle was there, I’d probably never see Katie again.”  He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“What did you do?”

“Hell,” he muttered, “I gave him a few hundred bucks and told him he had a choice to make.  Told him he could walk away and never come back, or he could get himself in rehab, get cleaned up, turn his life around, maybe get in a place where he could have a relationship with his kid.”

“Daryl, where’d he go?”

“I dropped him off at the bus station, told him it was his choice if he went or not.  If he wants to get his ass in trouble again, that’s on him.  I ain’t cleanin’ up his messes anymore.”

“Daryl, what about Katie?”

“Katie’s stayin’ with me.  If Nora and Jack wanna fight me, I’ll fight them.  I’m hopin’ they leave it alone and leave her be.  She’s already been through enough.”    Carol scooted her chair around the table and faced him, bringing her hands to his on the table.

“You did the best thing for that little girl,” Carol said softly.  “You did what any good dad would do, do you know that?  Katie needs a father, but Merle’s not ready to be that.”  Daryl hung his head.  “Hey.  No.  Don’t feel sorry for stepping up when he couldn’t.  _You_ made the right choice.”

“What if he never comes back?” Daryl asked, eyes glistening as he swallowed hard and stared at her. 

“Then that’s his choice.  Maybe that’s what’s best for Katie.”  Daryl shook his head.  “She’s happy with you, Daryl.  And I’m sure her grandparents will see that.  And if they don’t?  Then you’ll fight, because that’s what you’ve been doing.  That’s what you did tonight.  You fought for Katie, and you won.” 

“Don’t feel like I did,” he admitted, as Carol got up to pour him a cup of coffee.

“Well, maybe it doesn’t feel that way tonight.  But a year from now?  Ten years from now?  You’ll know you won.”  She handed him the cup of coffee and sat down across from him.  “Are you ok?”

“I ain’t sure,” he admitted, taking a sip of the hot beverage.  “M’glad you were home.”

“Me too,” she offered with a little smile.  “Do you need anything?  A place to crash?  You look really beat.”

“I’m alright.  Cup of coffee, and I’ll be good to go.”  He swallowed hard and looked at her.  “Thanks for bein’ here.  Just talkin’ helps.”

“I’m always here if you need to talk,” she said softly.

“Really wanted tonight to be nice for you.  Wanted to take ya on a drive down the back roads.  Some of ‘em are so still I ain’t sure anybody even drives ‘em anymore.”

“That sounds nice,” Carol said with a smile.  “I can take a rain check for when things calm down, ok?”  He nodded then, and Carol squeezed his hand.  “I’ll still be here.  I’m not going anywhere.”  He gave her hand a squeeze back, and she smiled, leaning in to press her lips against his forehead.  She paused then, and he moved to press his lips against hers.  She sighed against the kiss when his hand moved to the back of her neck, gently bringing her closer, seeking comfort in something physical.  She let him, placing her hands on his thighs before his arms wrapped around her waist. 

He held her close, kissing her slowly, feeling her relax against his touch until she finally pushed him back and trailed her thumb over his lips.  The blush that crept over both of their faces was enough to have them reeling themselves in, taking a step back from the edge before they both fell over. 

And as a round of thunder rumbled in the distance, heralding in a storm, they took solace in the presence of one another and in the peace they found together despite the turmoil that wound and coiled through their veins.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_Four weeks.  It’s hard to believe in about eight months, you’ll be here, and Aaron and Eric will be parents.  They still don’t know, and I’m bursting to tell them, but at the same time, I like having this little secret to myself.  Well, Daryl knows, too, but he’s promised not to say anything.  I’m waiting for the right moment.  But I think they suspect something.  At dinner the other night, I just drank a glass of water, and when they both looked at me suspiciously, I explained that it was just in case.  They don’t know about the pregnancy tests.  They don’t know about my appointment with Dr. Greene later today.  But they know I’m hopeful.  And I am.  You have given me so much to hope for._

_It’s kind of amazing what being pregnant has done to me.  I wake up feeling awful every morning.  I won’t lie about that.  But just knowing you’re on your way is enough to keep me going.  I fight through it.  And I wouldn’t change a thing.  Yes, I had doubts in the beginning.  I second guessed myself a few times.  But I know this was absolutely the right thing to do, the best thing.  You have no idea how excited your dads are about the idea of having a baby.  They’re already thinking of names for you, and they don’t even know you exist yet.  You are going to make them so happy, and that makes me happy._

_I’m not naïve enough to think I won’t have a hard time letting go of you.  I actually cried over breakfast this morning thinking of the moment I’d get to hold you for the first time, only to hand you over to your intended parents.  I already love you so much, and I know my heart will hurt, but it will also be full, because I know you’ll have the best life.  And maybe I’ll have a child of my own some day.  But whatever happens, know that you have been loved, that you are loved, that you will always be loved.  And that is what matters most._

*~*~*~*~*

Carol shifted anxiously in the chair in front of Dr. Greene’s desk.  This visit was very belated, but she’d finally gotten in for her blood work and an obligatory pregnancy test.  She’d been sitting there for about a half hour when the door finally opened.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.  My oldest daughter just informed me she’s about to make me a grandfather.”

“Congratulations, Dr. Greene,” Carol said brightly.  “Your first?”

“My very first.  I’m not sure why I feel more nervous about becoming a grandfather than I did when I became a father for the first time, but there’s something different about it.  I suppose I just don’t want to see my kids make the same mistakes I did.”

“Mistakes are how we learn,” Carol said with a little shrug.  “Just think of it this way:  You can spoil them and send them home.”

“I like the way you think,” Dr. Greene chuckled, sitting down across from Carol.  “Alright, let’s get down to it, shall we?  Your blood work results will be in in a couple of days, but the test the nurse had you take when you came in was pretty conclusive.  You _are_ pregnant, and I don’t think the blood tests are going to have any surprises.”  Carol nodded then, and Dr. Greene eyed her.  “How are you feeling?”

“A little tired.  I’ve been having morning sickness, but it’s not too bad yet.”

“Good.  Good.  I’ll prescribe you something for the nausea if needed.”  Carol nodded at that, and she shifted in her seat.  “How are you feeling otherwise?  About the surrogacy, I mean.”

“I’m feeling good.  Some days are harder than others.  I’m not going to lie and say everything’s great.  I _want_ to do this.  But it’s hard to imagine having this baby and then handing it over and going home alone.  I know that’s what I signed up for.  I _know_ that.  But it doesn’t make it any easier.”  She put her hand on her stomach.  “Does that make me a bad person?”

“No,” Dr. Green said with a kind smile.  “Not at all.  You’re doing something wonderful for Aaron and Eric, but you need to consider your own feelings as well.  This won’t be easy.  You’ve talked to them about this?”  Carol looked away.  “Carol?”

“Look, I know what I’m doing.  It won’t be easy, but this is for them.  I need to do this, and I’ll be alright.”  Dr. Greene sighed and ripped a piece of paper from the tablet on his desk.  He scrawled down a number and passed it across this desk.  “What’s this?”

“This is the number for a counselor.”

“You want me to see a shrink?”

“No.  No.  She’s very good.  She specializes in helping women through the emotional aspects of a surrogacy.  Dealing with the expectations and the emotional impact of the birth as well as the dealing with the aftermath when the child is with the intended parents.”

“I’m really fine,” Carol promised. 

“Oh, I know you are,” he agreed with a nod, “but it doesn’t hurt to talk to someone.”

“A stranger.”

“Sometimes talking to a stranger works wonders,” Dr. Greene offered.  “It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you just need someone to listen to you.  Someone who is unbiased and will give you honesty in return.”  Carol sighed then and she nodded.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Have you talked to Aaron and Eric about the pregnancy yet?”

“I haven’t told them,” Carol pointed out.  “I want to wait a while.  I don’t want something bad to happen before…I mean, they’re already excited just thinking about it.  I don’t want…I don’t want to say anything too soon.”

“I want to see you a month from now.  We’ll do an ultrasound and listen to the heartbeat.  I’ll call you with the results of your blood work as soon as it comes in.  You’re taking your prenatal vitamins?”

“Like clockwork,” Carol said with a nod.  “And sometimes they come up like clockwork, too.”  Dr. Greene chuckled.

“Yes, that happens sometimes.  Alright.  Well, I think we’re done here.  Just call me if you experience any discomfort or any bleeding.  We’ll do a more thorough examination next time, and hopefully we’ll get a good first picture you can share with the parents.”   Carol nodded with a little smile.

“Thank you, Dr. Greene.”  She took a shaky breath, and he eyed her.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m good.  Just…hearing it from you makes it seem more real somehow.  I’ve been thinking of Sophia a lot lately.  But it’s different.  I feel like a part of me is moving on, and that scares me.  I miss her so much, but I know that missing her won’t change the fact that she’s gone.  Having this baby?  I feel like something is finally going right.  And that can’t be bad.”  She took a deep breath, and she stood up.

“Take my advice.  Call that number I gave you.”  Carol gently folded the piece of paper in her hands and tucked it in her pocket.  “Go once.  You don’t ever have to go again if you don’t want to.  Just give it a try.”  Carol nodded then without promise.

“Thank you, Dr. Greene.”

*~*~*~*~*

Daryl greeted Carol on the porch with a hug the second he saw her.  She smiled against his neck and breathed in the scent of his cologne, one of the only things that didn’t make her nauseated these days. 

“Where’s Katie?”

“She wanted to stay up and make brownies, but she was so excited I think she wore herself out runnin’ around waitin’ on ya.”

“Oh, poor thing,” Carol said softly, pulling out of the hug to follow Daryl into the living room.  “I made her some brownies.  Will you give them to her for me?”  He nodded in agreement and took the container from her.  “How’d the doctor go?”

“Good.  Um, he wants to see me in a few weeks, but there’s no denying it now.  This baby’s coming.”  She slumped down on the couch, and he sat with her, pulling his arm around her shoulders.  She smiled at him a little, moving her hand up to link with his.  Their fingers entwined together, and she sighed contentedly when he kissed her.

“How ya feel about that?”

“How do I feel?  I feel good.  I mean, I already knew.  It’s getting harder not to burst whenever Aaron and Eric are around, because they keep looking at me like hopeful little puppies begging for a treat.  I mean, I just want to give them all of this good news, but I’m scared of what could happen.”

“Nothin’ is gonna happen.  You’re gonna be fine.  The baby’s gonna be fine.”  Carol sighed softly and leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“Dr. Greene gave me the number for a counselor.”

“What for?”

“He says she can help me through the pregnancy.  You know, emotionally.” 

“Oh,” Daryl said quietly.  “You gonna go?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I might go.  Just to see what it’s all about you, you know?”  Daryl nodded, gently tightening his hold on her hand.  She turned her head and peered up at him.  “Have you heard from him?”

“Nah,” Daryl said quietly.  “Ain’t heard nothin’ since that night.  Nora called me today, asked if they can have Katie for a couple weeks after school lets out.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t know what to do.  I’m afraid if she goes…”

“You’re afraid she’ll want to stay.”

“That stupid?”

“No,” she whispered, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek.  “But she won’t.  She loves you too much.  She won’t forget that.”  Daryl sighed then, nodding as Carol turned and wrapped her arms around his neck.  He gathered his arms around her and pulled her close, pulling her against him and kissing her softly.  This was his favorite thing these days.  Holding her and kissing her and feeling something good.  Something positive.

They were getting closer every day. He’d come over to her place or she would go to his, and they would just talk and unwind and hold each other.  And then would come the kissing and the groping, and sometimes it was fun, sometimes they’d have each other laughing and it felt so good.  Other times, it was more serious, and neither of them could quite put into words what they were feeling, but it was good. 

And when he lay back against the couch on this night, pulling her on top of him, her hands moved up his shirt, skimming over his chest.  His fingers dug into her hips, and she sighed against his mouth, moaning softly when his hand grazed over her breast.

His hand froze there, and she pulled back from the kiss.  They both looked at his hand, and then Carol smirked.  He snorted and pulled his hand away, and she buried her face against his neck, body shaking with laughter. 

“We should be better at this.  We been practicin’ enough,” he chuckled.  Carol grinned and kissed his lips and stretched out to lay against him, pressing her nose against his before kissing him again.

“We’re pretty good,” she whispered.  “We’re definitely good at this.”  She trembled as his hand grazed over her lower back.  Closing her eyes, she opened up to him, letting him kiss her softly, and she kissed him back with just as much need that lingered in his kiss.  It was slow this time.  Slow and sure, as if they had all the time in the world, and something had changed in this kiss.  And she knew it could go so much further than they’d ever let it, and just as she was beginning to let herself welcome the idea, a crack of thunder shook the house, surprising them both.  And then came the inevitable, sleepy cry from the back of the house.

“Uncle Daryl, I’m scared!”  Carol quickly broke the kiss and scrambled off of him, and he groaned, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.  “Uncle Daryl!”

“I’ll be right there, Kates!” Daryl called, sitting up and running his fingers through his hair, trying to even out his breathing so his body could relax a little.  Carol tossed him a sympathetic glance before they both stood.

“I should go,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him again. 

“Ya don’t have to,” he offered, pulling her hips into his hands.  She grinned when his lips were on her neck, and she bit her lip, arching her neck to give him better access.  But she quickly came to her senses and backed out of his reach, much to his dismay.

“Yeah, I really do,” she chuckled, licking her lips, tasting him there.  It was getting harder and harder to stop, harder to walk away.  She knew it was only a matter of time before she stopped listening to her brain and followed her heart and her body when they started to do the talking.  She wanted him.  She dreamed of him.  She craved him.  And she knew the way he touched her, the way he looked at her, the way he kissed her, he wanted her, too.  And it was evident in the bulge of his jeans.  “I really, _really_ have to go.”  She took a step backward toward the door, and he stepped toward her.  She giggled the second he was pulling her in for another kiss, walking her backward toward the door.  Her arms wound around his neck again, and his hands were pulling her hips closer, and his tongue was in her mouth.  How had she not met him years ago?  It didn’t seem fair, honestly.

“Uncle _Daryl!_ ” 

“You should go.  She needs you,” Carol whispered then, pressing her thumb against his lips.  He kissed the pad of her thumb, and she grinned.  “You go.  I’ll call you tomorrow, hmm?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, voice low and thick with desire.  She felt that warmth in her belly and between her legs spread through her veins like wildfire, and she knew that if she didn’t walk right out that door in that moment, she might never get home.  So with another quick kiss, she left him, forcing herself not to look back over her shoulder, because she knew if she did, she’d go running back, and right now, she needed a breather.  But—oh boy—it took everything in her to keep her foot on the gas and not turn back.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The pacing was happening a lot more frequently these days, but it was a good pacing this time.  It was a nervous pacing, but it was a happy pacing.  She hadn’t wanted to do this quite so soon, but it was time.  She’d woken up that morning with the slightest hint of a swell in her belly, and at nearly six weeks into her pregnancy, she couldn’t put it off anymore.

So when Eric answered the door with that hopeful, anxious expression she’d become accustomed to since the insemination, she greeted him with a bright smile and followed him into the house.

Aaron was standing over the stove with a bowl and whisk in one hand.

“Morning,” Aaron said with a smile and a hint of wonder in his eyes as he glanced down at her stomach.  This was per usual lately. 

“Ok, ok.  You’ve gotta stop doing that,” Carol chuckled.

“Don’t what?” Aaron asked.

“With the eggs.  If you start cooking them, I’m going to throw up, and then we’re all going to have a mess to clean up.”  Aaron and Eric’s expressions changed quickly, and Aaron quickly cut the heat on the stove and put down the bowl and whisk. 

“Does that mean…?” Eric asked, eyes wide as he gripped her hand.

“I’m six weeks tomorrow,” she said with a little nod, as Aaron nearly tripped over his own two feet to get to her.

“Oh my God,” Eric murmured, as Aaron came to throw his arms around Carol’s neck.  She let go of Eric’s hand and hugged her friend back, and then he quickly pulled away.

“Oh God.  I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked, gently moving his hand down to press over her still flat tummy.  To the unknowing eye, she didn’t look pregnant at all, but Carol herself had noticed the subtle changes.  The tenderness in her breasts, the frequent nausea, the ache in her lower belly as her muscles began to stretch to accommodate the life growing inside of her. 

“No, I’m fine,” she chuckled.  “I’m not that fragile, Aaron.” 

“You’re really…this is happening?” 

“It’s happening,” she whispered, putting her hand over his at her stomach.  “I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t know the right time to tell you.  She looked to Eric.  “You guys have been so amazing, and I didn’t want to tell you too soon.  But this morning, I woke up and I noticed this change.  It’s barely there, but it’s there, and I couldn’t wait any longer.  I hope you aren’t too upset with me.”

“We suspected,” Eric offered with a little grin, bringing his hand down to press against her stomach, too.  “But we didn’t want to nudge you too much.  We didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Pressure me?  This is your kid, you know,” she chuckled. 

“This kid’s a part of you, too,” Eric said gently.  “You know the offer still stands.  You can be more than just Aunt Carol.”  Carol felt her throat tighten for a moment, and she bit back a choked cry.  Aaron’s face fell then, and he moved to put his arm around Carol.

“It’s more than that, isn’t it?” he asked quietly.  She shook her head.

“No.”

“You’re a really bad liar,” he chuckled.  She rolled her eyes at him before brushing the tears from her eyes. 

“Come on.  Come sit down.”  The three of them headed into the living room, and Carol sighed as she sat down on the couch with both of them on either side of her. 

“Do you need anything?”  Eric offered, giving Carol’s hand a squeeze.  Aaron had hold of her other one, and she let out a little laugh.

“I’m fine, guys.  I’m fine.  I’m health.  In a couple weeks I’ll have an ultrasound to check on the baby and see how things are.  I feel ok.  I mean, I feel pregnant, but that’s a good thing, right?”  Aaron gave her a little nod, but the look in his eyes wasn’t convicing.

“Do we have to get out the chocolate to make you talk?”

“That only works during a certain time of the month, and that’s not gonna happen for a while,” Carol said with a  little grin. 

“Alright, so is it safe to assume that this has something to do with a certain roadside construction worker who has the bluest of blue eyes and the handsomest of handsome faces?” Eric asked, getting a smirk from Aaron.  “What?  You know it’s true.  You said it yourself.  Don’t worry, I still love you.  Geez, needy.”  Carol let out a little laugh at that, and she shook her head.

“It’s not important.”

“It’s important,” Aaron insisted.  “You’re doing this for us.  The least we can do is listen if you need to talk.  What’s going on?  Did he do something stupid?  Do we need to kick his ass?”

“No!  He’s been…Daryl’s amazing.”  Carol chewed her lip nervously.  “We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asked.  “I kinda thought.  Daryl’s busy most nights we call, and you always seem to be, too.  We kind of suspected.”

“And this baby is a part of him, too.”  She swallowed the lump in her throat.  “I told him.  It just sort of…came out.  And he doesn’t act like it bothers him.  In fact, he’s been so understanding and supportive, and he’s got all of this stuff with Katie and Merle going on, and it’s like he _still_ wants to spend time with me, even though at the end of all of this, this baby that’s part of him and part of me isn’t going to be ours to raise.” She stopped then and took a deep breath.  “Oh my God, you must think I’m awful.”

“Honey, you’re not awful,” Eric urged, squeezing her hand.  “Look, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.  This baby?  Aaron and I have loved it since before it was born.  But you know what?  So have you.  You wanted to do this for us, and this is the most amazing thing anybody’s ever done for us.”  Aaron nodded in agreement.  “This baby is going to have more parents than any kid would ever want.  We’re a family.  Me and Aaron, you, Daryl, this baby.  We want you guys involved.  We haven’t specifically talked to Daryl about it, but he’s been a good friend for a long time, and we’d like to include him and Katie if that’s what he wants.”

“He’s right,” Aaron added. 

“This is _your_ baby.  That was the plan, and I don’t want you thinking you have to do that just because I’m a weepy, hormonal mess.”

“ _Our_ plan was to give this baby all the love in the world, and that includes a big family.  You and Daryl are our family, and that won’t ever change.  This isn’t a traditional family.  It won’t ever be.  And that’s fine.  This is what we want.  But more importantly, we want to know what you want.  What Daryl wants.  This kid’s coming, and we’re thrilled, and we just want everybody to be comfortable with the situation when the time comes.” 

“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?” Eric asked softly.  Carol sighed then and ran her fingers through her hair.

“He keeps looking at me like…I don’t know what. I don’t know what he wants.  Well, I know one thing he wants, but…”

“Ooh, do tell,” Eric grinned, wiggling his brows.

“Oh, hush,” Carol snorted.  “I never counted on this.  The plan was to have this baby for you guys and then move on with my life.  I never expected Daryl.  I never counted on caring for him the way I do.  But here we sit, and I’m falling for him, and it scares me, because I don’t know where his head’s at when it comes to this pregnancy.  This baby’s a part of us.  If Daryl and I keep getting deeper into this thing between us, I don’t’ know…I don’t know how that’s going to change his feelings toward…toward this.”  She gestured between the three of them before resting her hand on her belly again.

“Maybe we should all sit down, have a chat,” Aaron offered.  “We can just clear the air and see where everybody stands.”

“I don’t know,” Carol murmured softly.  “What I _do_ know is that this baby comes first.  And I know Daryl would agree with that.  This baby is coming, and we’re all going to do our part to make sure that when it gets here, it’s healthy and happy.”  Aaron reached over and took Carol’s hand.  There was nothing he could say to her.  What do you say to the woman giving up a piece of herself?  What do you say to the woman carrying a child that she won’t raise? 

His gaze faltered, and his fingers curled a little more tightly around hers when a worrisome thought crossed his mind.

“Carol,” Aaron finally said after a few moments, “legally, this baby is yours until…I mean...”  He cleared his throat, struggling with his words.  “If you change your mind…”

“Stop,” Carol insisted.  “This is _your_ baby.  The plan is what it always was.  Whatever happens between me and Daryl…it won’t change that this is _your_ baby.  This is…”  She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes.  “God, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetie,” Eric offered, gently rubbing her back.  “You’re pregnant.  I mean, you’re making a person.  You’re entitled to a good cry once in a while.”  Carol chuckled and nodded through her tears, as Aaron pulled her into a hug.

“Are you gonna be ok to get home?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Carol murmured.  “I’m going to go home, put in a girly move and cry my eyes out, because that’s what I do these days, apparently.  I guess these tears are happy tears though, right?”  She sniffled and stood then, and the guys stood with her.

“We’re just a phone call away.  If you need _anything,_ you call, ok?” Eric asked.

“Thank you.  Both of you are…”  She sniffled.  “Thank you both.  You’ve always been there for me, and I’m glad I can do something for you.  I’m happy to do this.”  She wiped at her eyes again.  “You guys are going to be great parents, and I can’t wait for you to meet your baby.” 

They walked her out, and when she was finally out on the road, she rolled the windows down and let the cool breeze wash over her.  By the time she got home, her tears had dried, and she was ready to start putting a plan in motion for after the baby came.  She was going to need a life of her own, something apart from this surrogacy.  She was going to need something for herself, something to busy herself with in those early months when she was supposed to be sleep-deprived and stumbling over her own two feet for those three a.m. feedings. 

So when she slipped into the house and looked around the big, quiet place, she settled on the den where her desk, computer and CD player were stashed.

She sorted through her music collection until she came upon some light rock, nothing too sappy, and then she sat down at the computer and opened up a word document. 

Never in her life had she been inspired to write—aside from her diaries—and maybe it was this life force inside of her, maybe it was this emotional turning point in her life, or maybe it was just the need to write something out instead of talking it to death.  But she wanted to write, and as she began to type, she let out a slow, even breath and let the words she’d been too afraid to speak come out. 

_Heart Song_

_Written by Carol Peletier_

_Sophia Peletier entered this world, screaming and kicking and red in the face, mad at the world and ready to give us hell.  She turned into the sweetest, brightest, happiest little girl any parent could ever ask for, and the light inside of her lit our hearts, consumed our home and brought us more joy than we ever thought possible.  The day I became a mother was the brightest day of my life.  I was blessed with my beautiful girl for almost five years, and I will never forget the last time I saw her smile at me as she waved from the window on the big kid bus._

_A mother’s journey never ends, even after the unimaginable pain of losing her child._   _The day I lost my little girl was the darkest day of my life, darker than the day I tried to take my own life out of grief.  There are no scars to see, no fleeting glances to pale lines that tell the stories of struggle.  I’m lucky to be alive, and I’m lucky I have the friends I do that helped pull me out of the dark and help me find purpose again._

_My journey never ended, only paused, never changed course, only detoured.  And now I carry a life inside me that’s meant for this world, meant for parents who have run out of options, meant for happiness and great things, and I feel strong.  I feel brave.  I feel proud that I can give this world something that was taken from me so horribly.  This is my re-start.  This is my do-over.  These words map out the feelings I have trouble speaking out loud.  These words are the song of my heart._

*~*~*~*~*                                                                                                                                               

“Hey.  You ok?”  Carol jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.   She sat up quickly, glancing at the black screen on the computer monitor.  She swiveled in her chair to see Daryl standing over her, concern creasing his brow. 

“Daryl?” she asked sleepily, yawning and rubbing at her eyes.  “What time is it?”

“Six-thirty. Dinner time,” he chuckled.  Carol frowned as she glanced at the room-darkening curtains and cursed under her breath when she saw the sunlight filtering in front the front screen door.  “You ok?”

“Yeah.  I guess I just dozed off,” she murmured.  “I’m sorry.  I’m a mess.  I’m not even ready.”

“Well, that’s kinda what I thought.  I tried callin’ your phone, but ya didn’t answer, so I picked up pizza and hoped you’d still feel like eatin’.”

“I do, actually,” she chuckled.  “That was sweet.  Thank you.”  He bent down and kissed her softly, and she smiled against his kiss.  She stood with him then, pulling her arms around his neck and hugging him close, burying her face against his chest as he ran his hand up and down her back and then up the back of her neck.  “Mmm…missed you today.  How was work?”

“Not too bad.  We finished pavin’ all the way down Main.  Gonna have to go through tomorrow and fix some of the curbs.”  He kissed the tip of her nose.  “How was your personal day off work?”

“Oh, you know, I painted the town red.”  Daryl chuckled at that, and her grin widened.  “I told the guys.”

“You told ‘em?” he asked.  “How’d that go?”

“They’re excited,” she laughed.  “I think they’re more worried about me right now, though.  I was a blubbering mess.  Again.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah,” she sighed.  “I’m happy for them.  I’m just…”  She looked away.  “Hey.   Talk to me.”

“They want us to be part of the baby’s life.  And I suspected I would be, considering Aaron and Eric are such good friends.  But I guess I just…the idea of playing mom when the idea was for _them_ to be the parents…”

“You don’t want that?”

“I _do_ ,” she whispered.  “I know it’s crazy.  I’m not supposed to want this so bad when this isn’t even for me.”  Daryl sighed softly and pulled her in for a hug.  “I do and I don’t.  And I don’t know what’s worse. I want to be there.  I want to see this little life grow and change and become someone.  At the same time, I _don’t_ want to be there, because I know that I can only be involved so much.  This is Aaron’s baby.  And Eric’s.  I’m mom, but I’m not mom, you know?”  She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.  “And you?  Is this gonna be _Three Men and a Baby_ or something?”  Daryl chuckled at that.  “What do you want?”

“Hmm?”

“You played a pretty big part in all of this.  And they want you involved.  What do _you_ want?”  Daryl cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes at her.

“This ain’t about me.”

“No,” she said quietly, “it’s about all of us.  It’s about this baby.  We’re a family, you know?  When it all comes down to it, we’re all going to be important to this baby in some way or another.  So, what do you want, Daryl?”

“I want…”  He sighed.  “I wanna be a good dad for Katie.  Just ‘til Merle gets his shit together, you know?  I wanna be there, and I’ll be her daddy if that’s what I gotta be.  I just want her happy, you know?”  Carol smiled gently and nodded, caressing the back of his neck with her fingertips.  “I wanna see where this goes, you know?”  He rested his forehead against hers, moving his hands to her hips, pulling her closer.  “I like you.”

“I like you, too,” she whispered, kissing him softly then but pulling back before it could go anywhere else.  “But what happens five months from now?  Six?  Seven?  When this baby gets here?  Things could change.  You could…”

“I could wanna keep this baby and raise it with you?  That what you’re asking me?” he asked.

“I don’t…I know myself.  I know it’s going to be hard. But I don’t know what you’re thinking, and it scares me a little.”  Daryl nodded then.

“I get it.”  He cleared his throat.  “This kid’s always been theirs.  Is it strange that…that we made this baby and we ain’t gonna be the ones raisin’ it?  Yeah, a little bit.  But I wanna be here for you.  I want ya to know I’m here, and if ya need anything, I’ll be there to give it to ya.”

“You don’t have to make those kinds of promises,” she murmured, tucking her fingers into the neck of his shirt, pulling him closer.

“I know I don’t.  I’m in this.  I wanna be there.  I ain’t here ‘cause you’re havin’ this baby.  I’m here ‘cause of who you are.”

“Oh, I see.  You’re keeping me around because I can do Katie’s hair, right?”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that, but I kinda like ya a little bit, too.”  They both laughed then, and Carol curled her arms a little tighter around him.

“Yeah, you do kinda like me, don’t you?” 

“Mmm.”  He muffled his affirmation against her mouth, and then Carol sighed softly. 

“You know,” she said between kisses, “I never cashed in that rain check.”

“Hmm?”

“I believe you owe me a drive through the country.”

“Thought you wanted pizza.”

“It’ll keep for an hour or two,” she said with a little smile, taking his hand in hers.  “Take me for a ride, Daryl.”  Her eyes sparkled mischievously as she led him toward the front door. 

“It’s better at night, ya know.”

“Then we’ll stay out ‘til night.”  She watched Daryl chew his lip as he considered his options.

“I did tell the sitter I’d be late,” he offered.  Then he nodded his head. 

“That’s the spirit,” she said with a grin, squeezing his hand. 

“A’right.  C’mon,” he urged, tugging her toward the door.  “Let’s get outta here.”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

By the time the sun set in the western sky, Carol was giving Daryl a look that had him sweating, and when he finally pulled off the road into a small clearing, worn from tires, he couldn’t get his hands on her fast enough. 

Thankfully, his truck was pretty roomy, so when he pulled her into his lap, and she straddled his hips with her knees, she wasn’t pinned between him and the steering wheel.  And when her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips were on his, it was all he could do to think of something, anything besides going full senior year in the middle of a corn field with a neck covered in hickies from Molly Ringer.  But this was so much better.  Carol and was soft in all the right places, sweet and firm in others, and he couldn’t get enough of the feeling of her hands in his hair and his neck and sometimes gently stroking over his cheek.  She was magnificent.

She was pressed up against him, hands in his hair, mouth warm and wet against his, hips rocking gently and making the friction between them almost too much to take.

She gasped softly when his hand moved down her side, thumb grazing over her hardened nipple through the fabric of her blouse.  He paused then, groaning when his jeans became so tight against his erection that he was certain he’d either break his zipper or he’d lose a very important body part to strangulation. 

When she shifted on his lap, taking a bit of the pressure off, he sighed and moved his hands up the back of her shirt, calloused fingers trailing over the curve of her spine until she was moaning softly into his mouth. 

Her pulse was pounding in her ears.  She was surrounded by the scent of tobacco and cologne, and her entire body was focused on the taste of his mouth, the feeling of his tongue against hers, the rough stubble on his chin under her fingertips.

The fire in her belly was beginning to snake and coil, spreading through her veins, making her tremble.  She whined against his mouth, hips pumping against his again, and when she reached down between them to feel exactly what it was she was rubbing up against, her eyes went wide.  Daryl’s head fell back, and she peppered kisses along his throat, squeezing him gently while his fingertips gripped her hips desperately.

When she squeezed him again, he curled his fingers around her wrist.  She pulled back to look him in the eye, seeing the pink filling his cheeks.  She smiled then, and he brought her hand to his chest.

“You keep doin’ that and we’re gonna have a hell of a mess on our hands.”  That knocked a laugh out of her, and she buried her face against his neck, shoulder shaking as his fingers continued to skim along her spine. 

He could feel the heat of her through her jeans, and he brought his hand to her neck, gently lifting her face.

“C’mere,” he murmured, pressing soft kisses to her jaw line.  “Tell me what ya need.”

“Daryl,” she panted, “I need…”  Her hips bucked against his again, and he kissed her again, letting her take it as deep as she needed to.  She tasted so good, and he felt drunk on her, heart hammering against his chest as she grinded against him.  She bit back a cry when his thumb skimmed over her breast again, and he knew.  She was on the edge, and he’d barely even touched her. 

“Hey, c’mere,” he grunted, grabbing the backs of her thighs and pulling her closer.  “I got ya.”  He brought his hands to the waist of her jeans, gently undoing the button.  She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes, chest shaking with each breath she took.  He took down the fly, brushing his fingers along the front of her panties, feeling the heat and the dampness already soaking through.  He brought one hand to her face, tilting her chin, encouraging her to look at him.  “You ok?”

“Mmm, keep going,” she whispered, nodding a little as her lips parted in a soft whimper.  Her hand moved to his then, guiding it down.  His fingers dipped into her panties, fingers slipping through the wet curls until he was grazing against her folds, fingers strumming against her opening, making her cry out and thrust her hips to the rhythm of his movements.  “Daryl…” She arched her neck back, and Daryl leaned in, pressing his lips against her pulse, suckling there as he worked his hand between her legs, pushing in one finger at first before moving to stroke her clit.  He went back and forth, pushing into her and then teasing her until she was writhing against his hand, and it didn’t take long for her thighs to clench around his wrist and hold him there as she rode out her orgasm. 

He kept his gaze on her face until she looked him in the eye, and when she did, his grin had her blushing. 

“God,” she panted, resting her forehead against his shoulder.  “That was…”  She chuckled then when she heard the rumble of a laugh in his chest.  And then the next two words slipped out that brought even more laughter.  “Thank you.”

She collapsed against his chest, and his arms wound around her waist before he buried his face against her neck and kissed her there. 

“You really just thank me for gettin’ you off?” 

“I guess I really needed it, so yeah,” she grinned, leaning in to kiss him again, and his fingers tightened at her hips.  She smiled into the kiss before pulling back, moving her hand down his chest until he caught his fingers around her wrist again.  “You don’t want me to?”

“Ain’t that,” he said quietly.  “Just didn’t realize how late it was gettin’.”  He brought his hands up to rest at her waist.

“Rain check?” she asked with a grin, getting a bigger grin out of him.

“Hell yeah.”  He kissed her again, and she finally scooted off of his lap and onto her side of the truck.  When she went to put on her belt, she noticed how the windows had steamed a little, and she blushed before she felt his fingers curl around hers between them on the seat.  She gave him a sweet smile before he backed out onto the country road and headed for home.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_Six weeks_

_I hope you like grapefruit, because I absolutely hate it.  But for some reason, it’s all I want to eat.  I went to the grocery store last night, and on a whim, I bought an entire bag.  I’ve already eaten four since last night.  And they taste amazing.  Why do I like them now when I hated them before I got pregnant?_

_Your dads are so excited about you, by the way.  Aaron called me last night to get my opinion on baby names.  Right now, they like Elizabeth for a girl and Mason for a boy.  I’m pretty partial to Mason, because it’s my maiden name. But I know how it goes with naming a baby.  I know they’ll go through hundreds of names before they settle.  They’ve got plenty of time._

*~*~*~*

Carol smiled the second she heard the rumble of Daryl’s truck followed by him cutting the engine.  Every time he showed up at her house, she got butterflies in her belly.  This would be the first time she’d seen him since that night in the truck, and she’d missed him like crazy. 

The second she heard his increasingly familiar knock, she got up from her desk and headed into the hall.  She was peering through the screen door with one hand over his eyes to see better and another hand behind his back.  She narrowed her eyes at him the second he spotted her and straightened up.

“You’re early,” she said with a smile, unhooking the screen and letting him in, greeting him with a soft kiss.  He murmured something against her lips, and she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer.  “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“What’d you say when you were kissing me?” she asked with a grin, letting go of him and curling her fingers with his.

“Oh.  Uh,” he choked, face reddening.  “I just said ya look beautiful.”  Carol looked down at the sundress she wore and smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

“It felt like a sundress-y day.”  She smoothed her hand over her stomach.  “And it still fits, and I wanted to wear it before it doesn’t fit anymore.”  Daryl chuckled at that, and he brought his other hand out from behind his back.  The brown paper bag crinkled, and Carol eyed it.

“Ok, what did you do?”

“Just open it,” he smirked, handing it out to her.  She took the bag and opened it, gasping with delight when she saw the fresh deli sandwich from the little place down the street. 

“No mayo, ‘cause I know it makes ya barf.”

“Aw, you’re sweet,” she laughed, stepping up on her tiptoes to kiss him again.  “How’s Katie?”

“She’s good.  She’s excited for movie night.  Think we’re in for another movie about snow and princesses.”

“That’s ok,” Carol laughed.  “Sophia used to watch them all the time.”  She pursed her lips then.  “You know, I have a few DVDs upstairs.  Katie’s welcome to them.”

“Ya don’t have to do that.”

“It’s ok,” she said quietly.  Then she squeezed his hand.  “You want to come up with me?”

“Alright,” he said with a little nod before following her up the stairs and to the little bedroom at the end of the hall.  She pushed the door open, and Daryl felt the stale warmth of unbothered air wash over him.  A little TV sat on a white dresser that hand multi-colored hand prints.  Little paper butterflies dusted the walls, and baby dolls and stuffed animals leaned against the footrest of the bed.  Daryl watched as Carol’s shoulders shook a little, and he reached out to take her hand.  She glanced at him and gave him a smile, blinking back her tears.

“I still have trouble walking in here, but it’s getting easier.”

“Ya don’t gotta do this.”

“Sophia would be happy another little girl got to enjoy the movies she did.”  She moved to the book shelf and squatted down to the last shelf, grabbing a small stack of movies.  “Does Katie have any of these?”  He eyed them, shuffling them through his hands when she gave them over to him. 

“Nope, don’t think so.”

“Well, now she does,” Carol said with a nod.  “Go on.  I don’t have any use for them.”  She smiled a little and wiped at her eyes.  “I’m really getting better at this.  I promise.” 

“Hey, it’s ok,” he murmured, pulling his arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her temple.  Carol took a deep breath then and nodded, leading him out of the room.

“Ok, I’m ready.”

“We got some time.  Katie’s havin’ fun with at the neighbor’s house.  Their kid just got a puppy, so I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be beggin’ me for one soon.”  Carol pouted at him, but she felt her stomach grumble and she couldn’t resist tucking into the sandwich the second they were in the kitchen.

“Oh my God,” she moaned.  “That’s so good.”  Daryl quirked an eyebrow at her but said nothing.  She made a face and took another bite.  “Thank you.  This was sweet of you.”  She yawned then, and she shook her head.  “I hope I don’t fall asleep during the movie.  I’m just so tired lately.”

“Why don’t ya sleep over tonight?”

“What?” she asked with a little laugh.

“I mean, I got a bed.”  He rubbed the back of his neck and stuttered.  “Uh, I mean, I got another room.  Um, you know, another bed.”

“Oh,” Carol chuckled. 

“Or, you know, there’s _my_ bed.”

“There’s that,” she said with a little grin, feeling her own face warm under his gaze.  “We haven’t…talked about that.”

“No, we ain’t.”  He cleared his throat then, and he shifted in his seat.  “I mean, I ain’t sayin’…it ain’t like that.  What happened in the truck, I ain’t lookin’ for some kinda payback.”

“Well, one good turn deserves another,” she teased.

“Hell,” he muttered.  “I mean, I ain’t sayin’ if you slept over we’d have to…to do anything.  Just sayin’, you can stay if ya want.” 

“You’re so cute when you dig yourself into a hole.”

“Stop,” he snorted, as Carol took another bite of her sandwich.  “What happened the other night…I mean, that was ok?”

“Did I look like I was complaining?”

“I mean, the baby and everything.  I just…”

“Daryl, I promise you, the baby’s fine.”  She put the rest of her sandwich down and wrapped it back in the foil to save for leftovers.  “Ed was very… _physical_.  He wanted sex when he wanted it, and I gave in half the time because I was tired of him giving me that look.”  She rolled her eyes.   “This look that screamed ‘but I have needs, and it’s been days’ you know?  That puppy dog look.  Trust me, sex isn’t going to hurt the baby.”  She froze then.  “Not that…not that we’re having sex.  Just, you know, in theory.”  She was certain if her cheeks got any hotter, she might burst into flames.  “Wow, I just backed myself into that one, didn’t I?”  Daryl blushed then and swallowed. 

“You gonna finish that?”

“Later,” she said with a nod.  “We better not keep Princess Katie waiting.”  Daryl chuckled at that, and Carol put her leftovers in the fridge and turned, gasping when she saw he was right behind her, stepping closer, backing her against the fridge. 

“Just wanted to do this one more time ‘fore we gotta behave ourselves.”  Carol laughed as Daryl leaned in to press his lips against hers.  But the laughter was short lived, and soon, she was kissing him back hungrily, tucking her fingers into his hair and pulling him closer, craving the taste of his lips and the feel of his mouth against hers.  He was like a drug pulling her under, and she didn’t want to stop.  But the crack of the icemaker snapped her back to reality, and she gently pushed at his shoulders.  Quirking an eyebrow, she grinned.

“We better stop, or we’re never gonna make it out the front door.”  He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip before pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

“Rain check?”

“Rain check,” he promised, grinning and slinking out from between him and the fridge.  As he watched her walk away, he couldn’t help but wish they had a little more time.  All they ever needed was a little more time.  But he could be patient.  She was worth it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Two princess movies and half a pan of brownies later, Katie was sleeping soundly in her room, and a thunderstorm was raging overhead.  The stinging rain slapped against the side of the house, and the walls groaned under the wind.  Meanwhile, Daryl’s hands were clutching at Carol’s hips, and her hands were fisted in his hair as they kissed hungrily.  She straddled his lap, knees digging into the couch cushions as she pushed up when his fingertips grazed over the underside of her breast. 

“Mmm, I really should—mmmffff—”

“Hmm,” he grumbled against her mouth, bunching up the skirt of her sundress in his hands.  Her smooth legs chafed against his jeans, but she didn’t seem to mind, and when she bucked against his groin, she gasped at the sensation of his straining erection rubbing against her through nothing but his jeans and her thin, cotton panties. 

“Oh God,” she panted, breaking the kiss and bowing her head forward.  His hands slid under her skirt, ghosting over her warm thighs, kneading them gently and bringing her closer, bucking forward enough to get her attention.  She gasped and threw her head back.

“What were ya sayin’?” he asked.

“I don’t…remember…words,” she chuckled, as he smirked at her.  His hands moved up her hips and over her stomach before settling against her lower back, teasing at the band of her panties as she bit her lip and grinded against him.

“Yeah?” he asked, grunting as he leaned forward to suck at the side of her neck.  She moaned softly, bringing her hands to his shoulders, fingers gently tickling over the back of his neck as his lips and tongue soothed over the places his chin stubble scratched. 

“Mmm.  I…I really should go.”

“Mmmhmm,” he murmured, dipping down to kiss her collarbones and then her chest, lips teasing over the tops of her breasts. 

“Oh God,” she sighed, legs trembling as one of his hands moved between her legs, stroking her through her panties.  “Daryl…”  She was almost whining now, and Daryl grinned, continuing to kiss her neck as he touched her.  “Ok.  Oh God.  Ok, don’t…don’t stop.”  She pushed herself against his hand, and he took the opportunity to dip his hand inside of her panties, stroking her damp folds, fingers slicking in her juices until he began to rub slow circles around her clit.  She bucked against his hand again, moaning until he hushed her with a kiss. 

“Quiet, sweetheart,” he growled against her ear moments later.  

“Then you better stop,” she hissed back, head thrown as she gasped for breath.

“You want me to?” he asked.  He started to move his hand away, but she clenched her thighs around his wrist. 

“No,” she panted.  “Oh God.  Daryl, I’m…”

“Let go, sweetheart,” he urged, bringing his free hand up to knead her breast, bringing the cup of her bra down with a flick of his thumb, teasing the hardened peak of her nipple, rolling in between his thumb and forefinger until she went rigid and came, crying out softly against his mouth when he withdrew his hand and wiped his fingers along her inner thigh, leaving her sticky and wet and craving more of him.

“Oh God,” she whispered, resting her forehead against his in the aftermath.  “You…you really know how to show a girl a good time.”  Daryl chuckled then, squeezing her thighs, watching the way she licked her lips and the way her pupils dilated as the flush spread over her face and chest. 

“Stay with me tonight.”

“I really should go,” she whispered.  “I really should.”

“You could go,” he said softly, trailing a hand up and down her spine.  “Or you could stay with me.”  He pulled her close, kissing her softly as he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger.  “See, you could leave.  You could brave the storm and go home where it’s quiet.  But I can guarantee that if you stay…”

“Yeah?” she asked, biting her lip as his hands tightened at her hips. 

“There’s a hundred percent possibility that both of us could have a real good time.”

“Oh, you’re a smooth talker, Daryl Dixon,” she laughed. 

“Is it workin’?” he asked, licking his lips as he kissed her again.  She giggled against his mouth before pushing back on his shoulders.

“Are you clean?” she asked then, smile fading as her eyes darkened and bore into his. 

“You think I’d risk hurtin’ you or the baby?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her.  “’Course I’m clean.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that,” she pointed out.  “But it’s nice to lay a few things out on the table, you know.”  She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, threading her fingers through his hair and tracing her tongue along his bottom lip until he opened up to her.  When she pulled back, his gaze moved to her lips, and she smiled.  “I’m clean, too.”  She kissed his forehead then, bringing her hands down his chest and to the button of his jeans.  She pressed her hand against his groin, squeezing firmly enough to get his attention, and when he sucked in a sharp breath, she cocked her head to the side.  “It’s been a while.”

“Me, too,” he grunted, clearing his throat.  “This mean you’re stayin’?”  Carol sighed softly and nodded, climbing off of him and smoothing her dress down with her hands. 

“Can we take this slow?” she asked, watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down with a hard swallow.  He nodded.  “I’ll stay.”  She reached out for his hand, and he took it, standing to pull her in his arms.   

He flicked off the light switch, and he nearly tripped her as they made their way down the hall to his room.

“Shit,” he whispered.  “Sorry.  You ok?”

“Mmmhmm,” she giggled, putting a hand over her mouth to stifle herself.  When they reached his room, Daryl shut and locked the door behind them, pressing her gently against the wall and kissing her as he fumbled for the light switch.  Carol heard the thud of his boots as he kicked them off and began working on his shirt.  She smiled, watching as his muscles twitched and flexed when he unzipped his pants and dragged them down his legs.  When he was standing before her in nothing but his boxers, sporting an impressive erection, Carol felt the heat flush her face again. 

“This too fast?”

“No.  No,” she murmured, reaching out to touch his bare chest, brushing her fingers through the smattering of hair that led from his naval to the band of his boxers.  She wanted to reach out and touch him, to stroke him, to repay the favor he’d done for her twice now.  But he reached for her wrist, gently bringing her hand to his chest where she could feel his heart pounding there.  Her gaze fixed on his, watching the way his own face reddened and his lips twitched in a nervous smile. 

“Turn around,” he said softly, and she obliged, pressing her hands against the door as he pressed up against her, kissing the back of her neck and running a hand along the front of her neck and down to her breasts.  She sighed softly, arching back when he unzipped the back of her dress and slid the straps down her shoulders.  With her help, the dress puddle to the floor beneath her, and she stepped back, turning as his arms surrounded her, hands fumbling with the clasp of her bra until he was discarded on the floor, too.  “So beautiful.”

“So are you,” she said with a smile, bringing her hands to his strong shoulders before he gathered her close and carried her to the bed. 

He lay her down gently, admiring the gentle swell of her stomach, barely noticeable but still there, life thriving within, a miracle, really.

Her hand trembled as she ran it down her chest and over her breast before resting gently below her belly.  He crawled over her, hands smoothing over her thighs as he spread her before him.  Dipping his fingers into her panties, he tugged them down, and she shifted her hips to let him strip her.  There was a slight chill in the air that seemed to fade away the second his gaze scorched over her, bringing her blood to a near boil when he slid out of his boxers and tossed them aside, impression erection bobbing against his belly. 

She bit her lip,  moving her hands up his warms when he crawled over her, bringing her hands to rest at his back between his shoulder blades.  She moaned softly as he settled between her legs, pressing against her core as he pressed soft kisses to her jaw and her lips.  She sighed into his mouth, enjoying the feeling of his weight against her, the taste of his mouth, the smell of soap and tobacco on his skin, the feeling of his hands caressing her like she might break. 

“It’s ok,” she whispered against his ear, stroking his back, pulling her knees up a little as he settled against her, breathing harder as he forced himself to hold it together.  And when he pulled back to look into her eyes, he saw her smile, saw her eyes glisten in the dim light of the room, felt the way her jaw trembled when he pressed kisses there, easing the tension that coiled deep inside of her. 

“Relax,” he murmured, moving his hand between them, stroking her gently, touching her, knowing she’d be sensitive, easing carefully around her clit as she whimpered against his shoulder, holding him closer as he pushed two fingers inside of her, stretching her a little, slicking over her opening as her hips bucked against his hand. 

He stopped touching her and moved to stroke his shaft, groaning and sighing at the sensation as he pressed against her gently, watching her eyes squeeze shut as he pushed in just a little. He watched her chest heave with a deep breath, and he leaned forward to kiss her again, urging her to open up to him, tasting her as he pushed in a little more. 

“Daryl,” she panted against his mouth, teeth scraping over his lower lip as she arched up, nails biting into his lower back as he slid into her. 

“You ok?” he asked, hands twisting into the pillow beneath Carol’s head as she shifted her hips to help him ease in a little more.  She said nothing, only nodded her head and muffled a whimper between her pursed lips.  “Hey.  Hey, look at me.”  Her eyes blew wide as he pushed into her a little more, finding it hard to maintain his own composure as her wet heat enveloped him. 

She sighed against his chest, digging her fingers into his back as her body stretched and adjusted to accommodate him.  It had been a while, and it hurt a little, but it felt so good to be close to someone again, to feel desired, to feel needed as much as she needed this.  He kissed her, distracting her from the discomfort until he began to move, and then she whined against his mouth, gasping as the ache gave way to pleasure, as the discomfort gave way to hunger, as her body began to move with his, and the fell into one another, fingers and limbs tangling, kisses overpowering cries of need and desire, sweet words caught between teeth and tongue, hands clasping, arms entwining.

He rocked against her, gathering her close, feeling the control slipping from his grasp.  He wanted it to be good for her, but here he was on the verge of embarrassing himself, but she was holding him so close, and her skin smelled like cranberries and powder.  He was losing himself in her, eyes screwed shut as he buried his face against her neck and moved inside of her, feeling her walls stretching around him and then constricting in a dizzying rhythm that had him tumbling closer to the edge of ecstasy.  She felt so damned good.

“Daryl, please,” she whimpered against his ear.  “Yes.  Yes, please.  Don’t stop…oh God…”  And he dug his fingers into the pillow a little harder, willing himself to press on for her.  This wasn’t high school.  This wasn’t some dumb teenagers groping in the back of a beat up old car.  This wasn’t desperation to get at least a little experience so Merle would stop busting his balls.  This was truth.  This was everything.  And as she hugged him closer, breasts flush against his chest, teeth digging into his shoulder as his hand moved between her legs to rub her clit again, he knew he wasn’t going to last, but he could last long enough to please her, and that’s all he wanted.  To please her.  To make her happy.  Because, God help him, he was falling in love with her, and it was the scariest, most intense, most amazing feeling that he couldn’t even describe.  But he felt it all in that moment, felt it when her knees tightened at his hips, felt it when she arched her back and cried out a little too loudly, and God, she was beautiful when she came.

He rocked against her through her orgasm until her tightening walls triggered his own release.  And when he came, she moaning at the sensation of him filling her, of their bodies coming down from that high together.  He kissed her softly then, tasting the salt of her skin, hearing the ragged breaths that puffed from her lips as he slipped from her and pulled her close to cradle her head in his hands.  He kissed her long and slow, whispering sweet words to her as her hands stroked down his arms and her body seemed to thrum against his, a contented beat.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Carol woke in the still-dark hours of the early morning, yawning and stretching a little, feeling his warm, sleep-heavy arms tighten around her middle just a little.  She smiled, rubbing her hand over his arm, feeling sleepy and uncoordinated and completely unmotivated to do anything but lie there and let him hold her.

But she also knew she needed to get home.  She wanted to stay more than anything, but she also had to get home and shower before work.  The thought sounded awful, but she was a grown up, and she had to act like one, no matter how much she just wanted to stay in his arms and listen to the rain stinging against the windowpanes.

She moved her hand to his wrist, gently prying his arms off from around her.  She squirmed out of his embrace, happily sore in places she’d forgotten could ache like that.  She smiled a little, watching him stretch and turn to bury his face into the pillow, reaching his arm across the bed, finding nothing there but the warmth her body had left behind.  He patted the mattress and then lifted his sleepy head. 

“Hey,” he murmured sleepily, speech a little slurred, drunk from sleep and sex.  “Where you goin’?”

“Go back to sleep,” she whispered, leaning over to press a kiss to his temple.  “I have to go.”

“Thought you were stayin’.”

“I did stay.  It’s nearly four,” she whispered.  “I have to get back home.”

“Well, hold on.  I’ll follow ya.”  He started to get out of bed, but Carol gently pushed back on his shoulder.

“Oh no you won’t.  Don’t you dare wake that little girl up just to follow me home.  You sleep.”  He grumbled something and reached for her, tugging her back down on the bed.  “Hey!” 

“Stay a little longer,” he murmured, pulling her down against the bed, burrowing his sleepy face against her neck.  She bit back a grin and chuckled, running her fingers through his wild hair.  He was adorable when he was exhausted.

“I wish I could,” she whispered.

“You ain’t runnin’?”

“Why would I run?” she whispered, gently running her fingers down the back of his neck.  He pulled back to look at her, peering through at her through squinted eyes, damning the too-bright light from the overhead light they’d been too tired to turn out before falling asleep.  She sat up then, and he blinked into the light.  “I’m right here.”  She leaned in and kissed his forehead, stroking his hair a little longer before he lay his head in her lap.  She laughed then, shaking her head.  “I really have to go.  But I’ll see you tomorrow, hmm?”  Daryl nodded sleepily, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes. 

“Call me when you get home?”

“Ok,” she promised.  “But you’re so tired you’ll probably fall asleep first.” 

“Won’t,” he muttered, climbing back up to bury his face against the pillow again.  Carol chuckled, slipping into her clothes and shoes.  When she tiptoed back around the bed and leaned down to kiss his cheek, he grunted, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing. 

“Bye, Daryl,” she whispered.  She could tell by the even, steady movement of his back and shoulders that he was asleep now, and as she straightened up to walk away, she could have sworn she heard him say ‘I love you.’  She paused in the doorway.  “What?”  Silence.  “Daryl?  Did you say something?”  Silence still.  She swallowed hard then, unlocking the door, turning off the light and slipping out into the hallway, shutting it behind her as she left.  No, of course he hadn’t said such a thing.  It was all in her head, and she was falling fast.  No, he hadn’t said it.  He couldn’t have.

She gathered up her purse and her keys from the floor by the couch and let herself out, squinting into the stinging rain as thunder clapped and lightning streaked across the sky.

Once she was safely in her car, she cast a glance back up at the dark house, filled with more happy memories than she could count.  She wanted nothing more than to go back up and crawl back into bed with him and stay there until the storm was over.

With a weary sigh, she started the car and pulled out from behind Daryl’s truck, casting one last glance at the Dixon home before she started off for her own.

*~*~*~*

Daryl shot up in bed the second he felt the warm sunlight on his face.  He rubbed his eyes, squinting into the light as he turned to face the empty side of the bed.  She was gone.  She’d left.  He remembered, vaguely, a pitiful attempt at begging her to stay.  He cringed now at how needy he must have sounded, but hell, if he was honest, he _did_ need her.  She made him feel things that lit him up inside, made his stomach twist into knots, made his heart pound faster and harder.  She made him feel like he was worth something, and that was something he’d never really had before.

And then he remembered something else.  She was going to call him.  Damn it.  He’d fallen asleep.  He quickly scrambled out of bed, tugging on his boxers and grabbing his cell phone out of the back pocket of his jeans.  One missed call.  He sighed.  She’d left him a voice mail, and his heart swelled at the thought of hearing her voice again. 

He quickly called his voicemail, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for her message.  Then he heard her voice.

“ _Hey, you.  I’m not home yet.  I pulled over at a gas station to fill up and wait for this storm to pass._ ”  He could hear thunder rumbling loudly as the message filled with static for a moment.  “— _wanted to tell you...fun tonight_.”  More static.  “ _And no, I’m not running.  You make me feel things I didn’t know I would ever feel again.  I felt lost for so long, and then you came along, and I swear, you make it hurt a little less.  I don’t have nightmares as often as I used to.  Sometimes I wake up with a smile on my face.  I want you to know that.  So I’m not running.  I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere if you aren’t.”_ The line crackled again.  _“The storm’s really picking up.”_ She laughed nervously. _“So, um, I’ll see you tomorrow?  Ok.  Goodbye, Daryl.”_

He checked the time and pulled up his contact list.  She wouldn’t have quite left for work yet, which was why he usually called her early every morning.  The phone rang a few times and went straight to voicemail.  With a frown, he waited for the beep before leaving a message.

“Hey.  You must’ve left early or overslept.  Just wanted to say I got your message.  I had a good time, too.  And I’m in this as much as you are.  Shit, I hate doin’ stuff like this over the phone.  I’ll head over at lunch time.  We can go to that little diner.  Talk to you later.”  He hung up and ran his hand over his scratchy face, groaning when he realized he desperately needed a shave. 

He could hear cartoons playing on Katie’s TV, so he knew he needed to get up and start the day, as exhausted as he was, or he might never make it to work. 

He pulled on a pair of sweats and headed into the kitchen to make Katie breakfast.  Once she was tucking into her smiley-face pancakes, he went to get cleaned up, taking a quick, hot shower and shaving before dressing and returning to Katie, who had abandoned half of her pancake and was no longer in the kitchen.

“Kates?  Katie?” he asked, scraping her leftovers into the trash before sticking the plate in the sink.  When he heard her laugh, he ducked into the hall and headed into the living room, where he froze in the doorway at the sight before him. Katie was giggling as she sat on Merle’s lap, and he tickled her, looking healthy and happy and clean.  When he noticed his baby brother watching, he stopped and wrapped his arms protectively around his girl.

“Uncle Daryl, Daddy came home!” she squealed happily, turning in Merle’s arms to throw her arms around his neck. 

“Yeah, Katie, I see that,” Daryl said quietly, eyeing his brother warily.  “Hey, kiddo, why don’t ya go get yourself dressed?  Gotta leave for preschool in twenty minutes.”

“Aw, but can’t I stay home and see Daddy?” she asked, little lip poked out in that way that usually got her what she wanted.

“Go get dressed, Katie,” Daryl said sternly.  The little girl hung her head then, but Merle gave her a hug.

“Go on, sweet girl.  Daddy and Uncle Daryl got things to discuss, alright?”

“You’ll be here when I get home from school?” Katie asked hopefully.  Merle glanced at Daryl before he cleared his throat. 

“Go on and get dressed like Uncle Daryl said, alright?”  She sighed then, and Merle gave her one last hug before she skulked off to her room. 

“What’re you doin’ back here?” Daryl asked the second they were alone.  Merle stood, grabbing a thin manila envelope off the couch cushion.  He ran his shaking hand over his face.  “You look good.”

“Well, I ain’t used in nearly a month.  That night you sent me off, I ain’t touched the stuff since.”

“That’s good,” Daryl said with a nod.

“Don’t mean I don’t want it.  Don’t crave it.”    Merle clenched his shaking fist, and Daryl nodded for Merle to join him out on the front porch.  They pushed open the screen door and moved to lean against the porch rails.

“Didn’t think I was gonna see you again.  Not this soon.”

“Yeah, well, I figured I needed to get back here, check on my girl, see how ya’ll were holdin’ up.”

“We’re doin’ just fine,” Daryl replied, voice even, guarded. 

“Good,” Merle said quietly, clearing his throat.  “You been there for her, and I wanna thank you for that.  You did what I shoulda been doin’ all this time.”  Daryl shifted then, stuffing his hands in his pockets, trying to figure out what his brother was getting at.  “I’m real sorry for the way I was, for the things I did.”

“You’re still her daddy,” Daryl pointed out.  “That ain’t gonna change.”

“Maybe it oughta.”

“The hell are you talkin’ about?”  Merle held the envelope he’d been holding out to his brother. 

“Go on.  Take it.”

“What is this shit?”  Daryl tore open the top of the envelope and pulled the papers out.

“I been clean, but I ain’t stayin’ that way for long if I don’t get help.  I’m checkin’ myself into rehab.  Ain’t sure how long it’s gonna be.  How long I’ll be gone.  And I still got a lot of enemies that don’t know nothin’ ‘bout her.  And they don’t need to.  I know it ain’t fair to that little girl to hurt her like this.  Almost didn’t come back.  But I had to see her.  Had to give you these papers.”

“What the hell are you doin’ Merle?” Daryl asked, scanning over the papers as Merle rapped his knuckles against the porch rail. 

“I’m signin’ over my rights.”

“This is bullshit,” Daryl spat.

“You got custody of her, but I still got my rights.  And I ain’t earned ‘em.  Not one bit.  You been there for her.  You been her daddy.  I want ya to adopt Katie, Daryl.  I want it official.  I don’t wanna fall off the wagon and come in here and make a choice that’s gonna get her hurt.  I want this done.”

“You ain’t serious.”

“Most serious thing I ever done,” Merle stated flatly.  “This is the one good thing I can do for my girl, and I’m damned well gonna do it.”  Daryl felt like the porch had dropped out from under his feet.  “That kid’s got a good thing here.  She’s gonna have a good life.  She don’t need mixed up in my shit.  You took care of her.  You seen to it that she’s been safe.  And I thank ya for that.”  He knocked his hand against the papers in Daryl’s now-shaking hands.  “You done right by her since she was born.  You always looked out for her.  I can’t do it. And I know Andrea’d rather have her here with you than growin’ up with Nora and Jack.  They’re good folks, but they’re strict and Andrea run off the first chance she got.  You do this for me, baby brother.  You do this for Katie.”

*~*~*~*~*

From the second Merle had left and Katie had run out onto the porch looking for her daddy, Daryl’s mind was in a tailspin.  He’d managed to calm her down when she’d started crying, and by the time they’d arrived at the pre-school, she was in pretty good spirits with Daryl’s promise of a tea party with all of her stuffed animals.  And by the time she was sitting in the circle for story time, she was laughing and giggling with the other kids.

Daryl walked out of the school with his head anywhere but in the moment, and all he wanted to do was call Carol and talk this through with her.  So when he got back into his truck and read over his papers, he felt the anxiety rising in his chest and grabbed for his phone.  He dialed her cell again, and it went straight to voicemail.  She was probably just getting started with her work for the day.  Of course she wouldn’t answer.  So he hung up without leaving a message, and he started reading through the paperwork where Merle had pretty much signed away his rights.  He had no idea how this stuff was supposed to work, the legalities of it all.  And he knew what that meant.  He was going to have to get a lawyer.

His chest tightened a little, and he took a deep, shaking breath.  And then his cell phone was buzzing, and he recognized his boss’ phone number. 

“Yeah?” he asked gruffly when he brought the phone to his ear.

“Dixon, you coming in today?”

“Just running late.  Family emergency,” Daryl muttered.  “Gimme ten, and I’ll be there.”

“This ain’t like you.  Get it together, man.”

“Yeah, I got it.  I’m alright.  Just gimme a few minutes.”  He sighed heavily and tossed his phone into the seat next to him.  He didn’t have time for this shit.  For what felt like the hundredth time in his life, he was once again facing a shit storm of responsibility that he never asked for.  He would never regret taking Katie or helping raise her.  But once again, Merle was sweeping things off of his plate and onto Daryl’s.  The responsibility was too big, and he couldn’t shoulder it, so he just put it on his brother to take care of.  And Daryl was blazing angry.  But it was pointless to get pissed when Merle was already gone and had washed his hands of everything.  Yeah, he’d done right for Katie, but that wouldn’t stop the heartbreak or the look in that little girl’s eyes one day when she’d be old enough to understand that her father just couldn’t do anything for her.

But that was what it all came down to in this life for Daryl Dixon.  He was the one who cleaned up the messes.  He was the one who did what was right.  He was the one who took care of people, even if nobody cared to take care of him.

But just as he thought that, he thought of her, of her face, of how she’d kissed him and held him and made him feel like anything in this world was possible.  And he knew she’d been through hell and back and had lived to tell the tale.  How she’d done it, he’d never know, but in that moment, with Carol’s face in his mind and her name in his heart, he looked down at those papers and knew that he could do this.  This was what mattered.  And he was going to see it through.

*~*~*~*~*

He stepped off the elevator with a cup of coffee—decaf, of course—and a bag of those red and white striped mints that seemed to ease Carol’s morning sickness lately.  He’d left the papers in the car during work and was thinking of having her look over them when they started for the diner.  He hated to add that kind of burden on her, but he knew that he trusted her and that she’d done enough paperwork through the hospital that she might have a sense for some of the terminologies on the documents Merle had left him with.

He started down the hall and pushed through a set of double doors, rounding a corner by the nurses’ station.  Carol was usually sitting at the nurses’ station down the hall, and when he saw one of her co-workers, Tara, he immediately knew something was wrong.

She was buzzing around the station like crazy, files and papers stacked in each arm as she held a cordless phone between her ear and her shoulder.  Her face was splotchy and red, and she looked far more stressed out than usual.

When she saw him, she froze, and she immediately put her files down. 

“Yes.  Yes, I’ll let Dr. Michener know about the coding error.  Yes.  Ok.  Bye.”  She hung up and sighed, putting her hand to her forehead.  “What’re you doing here?”  She blinked back tears, and Daryl narrowed his eyes at her.

“You ok?  Hey, you need to sit down?”

“I’m fine.  Just doing the work of four people.  I…oh that sounded awful.  I’m sorry.  I’m just…why are you here?”

“I came to pick Carol up for lunch.  She step out early?”

“Oh my God,” Tara murmured, putting her hand to her stomach and slouching down in her chair.  “You don’t know.  God, you don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?” he asked, slowly biting out the words as the ground beneath him began to feel foreign and shaky and his body began to go numb.  “Tara, where’s Carol?  What happened?”

“She…never made it into work today.  Daryl, she was in a car accident early this morning.  She’s at Grady Memorial.”

“What…what’d you say?”

“Daryl,” Tara said firmly, standing and putting her hands on his shoulders.  “Carol’s been hurt.  They found her car in a ditch this morning.  Car was cold.  She was there for a couple hours at least.  They couldn’t find her cell phone.  They think it got thrown from the car, that it’s in the creek somewhere.”

“Is she…is she…she’s ok though.  But she’s…she’s gonna be ok, right?”

“I don’t know,” Tara murmured.  “They got enough information based on what was in her purse to know to call us, and that’s how we know.  But they wouldn’t tell us anything.  They…we don’t know how bad it is.”  And as Tara opened her mouth to speak again, Daryl dropped the cup of coffee, spilling it all over his boots and the white tile floor.  The last thing he remembered before he pushed out of the hospital doors and into the glaring sunlight was the burning in his lungs and the ache in his chest, and the rest was a blur as he sped down the street toward the hospital.  Toward her. 

_Please be ok.  Please, baby.  Please be ok._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

“Sir?  Are you family?” the nurse asked for the third time.

“Look, I ain’t family, but I gotta see her.  Just tell me she’s ok.”  Daryl bit out, standing at the front desk at the emergency room.  “Is she here?  She in a room?  Tell me she’s alright.”  The nurse looked at another nurse anxiously before clearing her throat.

“I can tell her you’re here.  She has to give us permission to let you in.”

“So she’s awake?  She’s gonna be alright.”  Daryl felt the knots in his stomach slowly uncoiling, but the nurse didn’t look very positive.

“Yes, sir.  She’s awake.  She’s been in an accident, and she’s a little out of it.  We’ve given her something for the pain.”

“You gave her drugs?  She’s pregnant,” Daryl pointed out, white-knuckling the countertop.  The nurses glanced at one another again, and Daryl felt like crawling out of his skin.  “Christ, just go tell her I’m here.  Please!” 

“I’ll be right back,” the nurse said quietly.  Daryl turned to pace in front of the desk, while a security guard nearby made eye contact with the other nurse, as if the two were silently communicating should Daryl lose his mind and do something stupid.  He didn’t care, honestly.  All he wanted to do was to see her and make sure she was ok. 

He’d called Aaron and Eric who were currently en route to the hospital, and he figured they’d have to go through the whole damned ordeal too.  He understood that there were privacy measures that had to be taken, and considering he’d come in panicked and worked up, he could understand why a nurse might be hesitant to let him in to see a female patient.  But he had to see her, and he was impatient, tired of waiting for the red tape to be cut.

When the nurse came back out and gave him a nod, he let out a shaky breath and followed her.

“She’s feeling much better now, and she wants to see you.”

“She’s gonna be ok?”

“She’s a little banged up.”

“And the baby?”

“Are you the father?”

“No…yeah.  It’s complicated.”  He really didn’t feel like making small talk, and mercifully, the walk to Carol’s observation room wasn’t very long. 

“Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?” the nurse asked, pushing open one of the observation room doors.  And there she was, laying there looking so tired and pained, and he felt his heart sink. Daryl’s gaze immediately went to the large bruise on the side of Carol’s face, likely made from her hitting her head on the steering wheel.  So much for those fucking airbags.

“Hey,” Carol said weakly, opening her eyes and managing a small smile for him.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” the nurse said softly, stepping out and closing the door behind Daryl. 

“Jesus,” Daryl murmured, noting the bandage on Carol’s forehead and the tubes that led from her arms to various monitors and other devices.  “Are you ok?”

“Peachy,” she said with a tired smile, despite the fact that her eyes were filled with tears.  “It’s better than it looks, I promise.”  He pulled a chair up beside her bed and took her hand in his, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles.  She reached up then, running her hand over his cheek.  “You shaved.”  He chuckled then and nodded, forcing back the tears that stung at his eyes.  “Hey.  I’m ok.  Everything’s ok.  I guess my cell phone’s gone.  Good thing I don’t take nude selfies or they might just end up on the internet.”

“Stop,” Daryl said quietly, his tone serious and grim.  “You coulda been killed.”

“But I wasn’t,” she said softly.  “Hey, I’m right here.  I’m ok.”  And that was when her voice broke, and she took a sharp, gasping breath.  “The baby…I might have…I might have lost the baby.”

“Carol, I’m so sorry,” he murmured, bringing her hand to his lips again.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” she whispered, wiping at her eyes, flinching at the pain in her cheek.  “Hey.  I’m here.  I’m ok.”  She sniffled and wiped at her nose.  “I’m ok.”

“I shoulda followed you home.  Shoulda tried harder to get you to stay.”

“Hey, I was gonna go either way,” she chuckled.  “All of my work clothes are at home.  And I didn’t want you getting out with Katie.  It could have been you two in that accident.”

“They know what happened?”

“Not exactly.  From what I understand, my car’s totaled.  They think I got hit.  Must have been by something big, because it was a hit and run.  Broadsided.  It was on the passenger’s side, thank God.”  She saw the color leave Daryl’s face for a moment.  “Hey.  Don’t do that.  Don’t you feel guilty.  This wasn’t on you.  I don’t want you thinking that.”  She squeezed his hand.  “I’m glad you’re here now.  I’m…did you get my message?”

“I got it.  Left you one, too, but it’s probably gonna be a while ‘til ya get it.”

“Yeah,” she said softly, closing her eyes for a moment.

“Hey,” he said softly, smoothing his hand over her hair, “you’re comin’ home with me.”

“I’ll be ok,” she said quietly, a touch of uncertainty to her voice as her hand moved to her stomach.

“I know you’ll be ok, but you’re still comin’ home with me so I can keep an eye on ya.”  She smiled at him and felt the tears sting her eyes again.  “Can’t even remember drivin’ here.  All I could think when I heard ‘bout the accident was that I couldn’t lose ya.” 

“Daryl,” she sniffled, “thank you for being so sweet to me.”  He kissed her then, and she gently pressed her hand against his cheek, sighing when he leaned his forehead against hers.  “So glad you’re ok.  And the baby’s gonna be ok, too.  It will.”   

A knock at the door startled them both, and woman in a white coat entered, lugging a portable ultrasound machine with her. 

“Ms. Peletier?  How are you feeling?”

“I’m a little sore, but I think I can handle it.”  She placed her hand on her stomach. 

“I’m Dr. Crosby,” she said with a bright smile.  “I’m going to do an ultrasound.  I hear you’re pregnant?”

“Yeah.  About…about 7 weeks,” Carol said quietly, lips pressed in a tight line as she pulled her blanket up  her lap and raised the gown to expose her stomach. 

“Well, the good news is, you didn’t present with any spotting.  So we’re just going to take a little look here and see what we see, ok?  I’ve seen a lot of pregnant women come out of worse accidents with no harm to the baby.  So just relax, ok?  Don’t worry until there’s something to worry about.”  Carol nodded nervously, and she squeezed Daryl’s hand.  The doctor looked at Daryl.  “Are you Dad?”  Daryl swallowed hard and glanced at Carol before giving a little nod, not really certain of what he should answer, but for now, that was the easiest.  “Alright, this is gonna be a little chilly.”  She squeezed some clear gel onto Carol’s stomach, and Carol flinched a little, her stomach muscles jumping at the sensation. 

“So what’re you lookin’ for?”

“Basically, any sign of fluid loss, internal bleeding.  We’ll listen for the heartbeat and make sure everything’s where it’s supposed to be.  It’s early, so it’s pretty much going to look like a blob, but it’s your blog, so it’s perfect, right?”  Carol chuckled at that then, and Daryl gave her hand another squeeze.  “Alright.   Here we go.” 

She pressed the scope against Carol’s stomach, moving it around as she adjusted a few things on the computer.  Daryl squinted at the screen.

“Can’t see nothin’.”

“I’m not looking for anything yet.  I’m listening for a heartbeat.”  The sounds on the machine were odd and almost alien, and Carol closed her eyes.  He pressed a kiss to her temple, and she seemed to relax a little.  And then, there it was.  The _whoosh whoosh whoosh_ over and over again, fast and strong.  Daryl looked to the doctor’s face for confirmation, and her smile said it all.  “We’ve got a strong, healthy heartbeat,” she said happily, holding the scope there a little while longer.  Daryl watched as the smile spread over Carol’s face, as the light filled her eyes again.  Her fingers tightened around his hand, and he watched in amazement as this tiny sound filled her with hope again. 

“Everything’s ok?” Carol asked.  “Everything’s fine?”

“Everything sounds fine.  Let’s take a look.  You’ve got some bruising here on the side.  Looks like it’s from your seatbelt.  I don’t foresee any problems, but it’s best to check everything thoroughly.”  Carol nodded at the doctor’s words and let out a shaky breath, just as Dr. Crosby switched scopes and pressed it against Carol’s belly.  A few minutes later, a swirly black and grey image had Daryl’s rapt attention.  The doctor worked slowly and carefully, and Carol briefly flashed back to the first time she saw Sophia on ultrasound.  It had been the most exciting, terrifying thing she’d ever experienced, and she remembered it with tears of joy. 

As she wiped at her eyes, Daryl gave her a kiss on the hand.

“You ok?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.  Sniffling, she just shook her head.  “Sophia.”  And he knew.  He kissed her softly, and her lips trembled against his.

“Alright, Mom and Dad.  Take a look at your baby.”  They turned their attention back to the screen, watching as the doctor pointed out the blob and the area surrounding said blob. 

“Is everything ok?” Carol asked, still wiping at her eyes.

“Everything looks great.  You’re measuring right at seven weeks, and everything seems to be great.” 

“Oh thank you,” Carol whispered.  “Thank you.”  She sniffled, and Daryl turned when another knock came to the door.  The same nurse that had given him a hard time poked her head in.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I have two very anxious guys out here that say they’re the baby’s dads.  Aaron and Eric?”

“Yes.  Please, let them in,” Carol said eagerly, giving Daryl’s hand another squeeze.  She looked up at him to see him swallow hard, and he managed a little smile for her before he kissed her again.  At Dr. Crosby’s look, Carol smiled.  “I’m their surrogate.  It’s our baby,” she said, gesturing between herself and Daryl, “but it’s _their_ baby.”

“Wow,” Denise said softly.  “That’s awesome.  This baby’s got a lot of love, huh?” 

“Can you keep going until they come in?  They’re gonna want to see this,” Carol said gently.

“Of course,” Denise offered, just as the door opened, and Aaron and Eric came rushing in with fear and worry in their eyes.

“Oh my God, are you ok?” Eric asked.

“Are you hurt?  God, you look…how are you feeling?” Aaron offered, gently taking Carol’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. 

“I’m ok.  Daryl’s taking good care of me,” Carol said with a little smile.  “And you’re just in time.  Say hello to your baby.”  She nodded toward the screen, and Aaron and Eric turned in awe. 

“Alright, now it’s  party,” Denise said with a grin. 

“Is…everything ok?” Aaron asked anxiously, gripping Aaron’s hand in one hand and Carol’s in the other. 

“Everything’s great.  Carol and the baby are both doing great.  They’re probably going to keep her overnight for observation, but barring any complications, I think they’ll release her on rest tomorrow.”

“You can come stay with us,” Eric offered, moving to give her a kiss on the cheek.  “I can take a week off and stay with you.  We can watch chick flicks and eat ice cream.”  Carol laughed at that and wiped at her eyes. 

“I can make up the guest room for you.  You can just stay in bed and be waited on hand and foot.  I mean, it’s the least we can do since you’re growing our kid.”  Carol grinned and shook her head.

“Thanks guys, but I think I’m in pretty good hands over here,” she said with a smile, looking up at Daryl, who still seemed to be in a state between awe and shock.  Aaron and Eric looked at one another knowingly, before Aaron leaned down to press a kiss to Carol’s forehead.

“You sure?  I mean, we have plenty of room, and…”

“She’s sure,” Daryl cut in.  “I’ll keep an eye on her, and I’m sure Katie’ll be thrilled to have her around for a few days.”  Carol smiled gratefully up at him, and Aaron nodded in understanding.

“Alright, I’m finished here,” Dr. Crosby announced.  “Everything looks great.  And, if I may say so, this baby’s pretty lucky to have the four of you so protective and concerned.  Carol, do you currently have an OBGYN?”

“Uh, yeah.  Well, Dr. Greene.  He’s been my own doctor for years, but he’s pretty much a specialist in this kind of thing.”

“Oh yeah.  Greene’s good.  Well, if you ever need a second opinion, which I doubt, because I studied under Dr. Greene, you feel free to give me a call, ok?”

“Thank you, Dr. Crosby,” Carol said with a smile, as Dr. Crosby handed her a small towel.  She wiped the gel from her belly before pulling her gown back down.  When Dr. Crosby was gone, Carol sighed and relaxed against her pillow, chuckling as she stared back at the three men staring at her.

“Ok, guys, I’m ok.  The baby’s fine, I’m fine, and everybody can breathe now.”  She looked at the clock over the door.  “I’m sure you all have jobs to get back to.”

“Nah, I ain’t goin’ nowhere.  I’m good here,” Daryl insisted. 

“I can take the rest of the day off,” Eric promised.  “And Aaron’s…”

“Guys, stop hovering,” Carol insisted.  “I’m ok.  I’m sore, I’m bruised, and yeah, I’ve got these tubes coming out of me, but it’s better than it looks.  I don’t need you guys sitting around all day looking at me like I’m going to break.  Please go back to work and stop fussing.” 

“I already called work and told ‘em I ain’t comin’ back the rest of the day.”

“Daryl, I don’t want you putting your job in jeopardy for…”

“I ain’t, now hush.”  Carol sighed but couldn’t suppress the grin that pulled at her lips.  She looked at Aaron and Eric and shook her head.

“Well, one bodyguard is more than enough for this girl to handle, so please, you two go back to work, don’t worry.  I’m ok.  The baby’s fine.  We’re good.”  Eric frowned, but at Carol’s determined look, he relented and started for the door.

“Fine, fine.  If you insist on kicking us out, at least let us smuggle you in something that isn’t hospital food.”

“I got it,” Daryl offered.  “Gimme twenty minutes, and I’ll be back with a turkey and ham with spicy mustard.”

“My hero,” Carol grinned.  “You sure you can pry yourself away for that long?”

“Stop,” Daryl snorted, kissing her softly.  Carol blushed and bit her lower lip when he pulled away.  “Don’t go nowhere.”

“I’ll be here waiting,” she promised.  Daryl gave the guys a nod before he headed out, and when he was gone, Eric winked at her.

“Nice,” he teased.  “I’m not sure who’s more smitten.”

“Oh, get out already,” Carol laughed.  “Just go.”

“Bye, sweetie.  Love you.”  Eric leaned down to give her one more hug before he gave Aaron a kiss and hurried off.  Aaron sat down at her side, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Are you going to hover?”

“Just ‘til Daryl gets back,” he promised.  “And he’s definitely coming back.”

“Yeah,” Carol blushed.  “He is.”

“So…this is good?” he asked, stepping into the protective brother role.  Carol smiled at him then, resting her head back against the pillow and nodding.

“This is really good.  I don’t know, we just sort of hit it off, and it’s…it’s great.  Being around him, being with him and with Katie, I don’t know, it’s like a part of me I thought I’d lost a long time ago is finally waking up again.  I feel good.”  She sighed, resting her hand on her stomach.  “I’m writing again.”

“What?” Aaron asked, raising an eyebrow, remembering her fondness for writing when she had spare time while Sophia was a baby.

“Yeah.  I, um, I started a little diary for the baby.  Kind of a journey through the pregnancy, through everything.  I want this baby to know how loved it is.”  She blinked back tears.  “I thought I lost it, and I was so scared.”  Her jaw trembled, and Aaron took her hand in his.

“This baby means so much,” he whispered, “but so do you.  Don’t think for one second that we’d have blamed you if the baby hadn’t…”  He cleared his throat, voice breaking.  “If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be having this baby, and for that, I owe you everything.”

“You don’t.”

“I do.  You’re giving up a part of yourself, and that can’t be easy.  And I can’t think of anything I’ve ever done in my entire life that’s as selfless as that.”  He reached up and brushed his knuckles gently over her cheek, wiping away a tear.  She let out a soft chuckle then and sniffled blinking back her tears.  “Hey, you need anything, you call me, ok?”  She nodded.  “Though I’m pretty sure you’re gonna be well taken care of at Daryl’s.” 

“Yeah,” she whispered.  “I know I will.”


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_Today, I thought I lost you.  Today, I felt that spark of hope start to fade away.  And then I saw you.  I heard your tiny heart beating.  And I know you’re ok.  We’re both gonna be ok.  You aren’t even born yet, and you’ve already been through a trauma, but thank goodness you’re safe.  I’ve never seen three men so scared in their lives, but you should have seen it from my view.  Your dads, Aaron and Eric looked scared to death, and Daryl was just as scared.  But the second they all saw you on that screen, there’s no doubt about it.  It was love._

Carol folded the piece of paper and tucked it into the side of her purse that Daryl had helpfully placed on her bedside table.  They’d put her in her own room for the night, and while she was feeling better—just a bit stiff in the neck and shoulders—she knew that there was no way she was going home until tomorrow.

Daryl hadn’t wanted to leave her side.  He’d wanted to wait with her all night, but Katie had to be picked up from school, and Carol had insisted he go and be with her instead of calling a babysitter.  He’d been apprehensive about leaving, but in the end, Carol had convinced him, but he’d promised her he’d be back to pick her up in the morning and take her home with him. 

She sighed, laying back and closing her eyes, placing her hand over her belly as she listened to the faint beeping of a monitor somewhere down the hall.  It was quiet aside from that and the occasional squeak of a nurse’s shoes as she made her rounds for vitals.

It was nearing nine, and she was exhausted.  But sleeping in the hospital had never been easy for her.  She remembered those couple of nights she spent after Sophia was born, and the nurses had even taken the baby out of the room for a few hours to try and let her sleep, but she’d just spent those few hours wondering and worrying about her baby. 

And then, during those dark days that were never far from her mind, when she’d spent eight days in the hospital after taking a handful of pills that had been largely overprescribed to her, hoping for death so she could see her little girl again, she’d been forced to sleep, given sedatives when grief became so painful that she’d be howling in her sleep, screaming for peace as her hands clawed at the bed sheets, wrists struggling against restraints as nurses held her down and stuck needles in her veins.

It felt like a lifetime ago, but sometimes, she would still wake a night and almost feel the icy grip of unbelievably strong fingers bruising her as drugs were pumped through her in an effort to calm her and help her sleep.  Somehow, she’d pulled out of it.  Somewhere between the seemingly endless therapy sessions and psychiatric evaluations that had pointed to no mental illness whatsoever.  She was a grieving mother who had lost everything, lost sight of her purpose.  And when she’d managed to force a smile and eat a little and make conversation about something other than the pain and the darkness, she’d been sent home with prescribed counseling sessions. 

In the bottom of her purse, now, lay the phone number Dr. Greene had given her for the surrogacy counselor.  She’d put off calling for an appointment.  Each time she’d reach for her phone to dial, she’d remember those hours she’d just lay there, staring upward, watching the way the paint peeled around brown, water-damaged spots on the textured ceiling, as if rotting flesh exposing bone.  It had helped, the talking, but it had only been Aaron and Eric’s constant understanding and patience with her that had helped her through.  They hadn’t sugar coated anything.  They hadn’t tried to erase the triggers.  They had been there to help her when she fell. 

And now, as she lay in the hospital bed with her hand protective and soothing against her stomach, she took a deep breath and thanked God that she had fought through it and lived to have a chance to bring this miracle into the world. 

And she couldn’t help but think about Daryl.  She’d met him at this very pivotal point in her life.  He’d played a major part in helping her give Aaron and Eric a child, and that really could have been the end of their association.  But something—was it fate?—had other plans, and in those first few weeks after the insemination, she could have let herself get pulled back under in grief and loss, but Daryl had been there, and she’d felt something new, something powerful and beautiful.  Getting to know him and meeting Katie had brightened her spirits, and now she couldn’t imagine not having them in her life.  She was scared about how everything was going to change once this baby was born, but she knew he’d be there.  She would have him.

The phone rang, startling her, and she reached for the phone that was tucked into the side of her hospital bed.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you’re still up?”

“Of course I’m up,” she chuckled, smiling wide when she recognized his voice.  “How’s Katie?”

“She wants to come see you, but I told her visitin’ hours are over.”

“There aren’t visiting hours here,” she pointed out.  “You could bring her.”

“She’s hopped up on sugar.  Don’t think ya want a three-year-old bouncin’ off the walls in your room when you’re tryin’ to rest.”

“I really don’t mind,” Carol said softly.  A beat.  “I miss you.”

“Me too,” he murmured.  “Gonna be there first thing tomorrow to pick you up.  Don’t have to work.  Already arranged it with my boss.”

“I don’t want you sacrificing your job to take care of me, Daryl,” Carol said quietly.

“Boss gave me the day off.  Works slow, and I promised him I’d work extra next weekend, anyway.  I ain’t worried about it.”  Carol sighed softly, and she closed her eyes, relaxing against the pillow.  “You doin’ ok?”

“I hate hospitals.  Just hate them,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s a long story and not really one I want to rehash over the phone,” she said softly.  She yawned.  “You sure you’re ok with me crashing at your place for a few days?”

“You kidding?  Katie’s so excited.  I told her we gotta be real gentle with ya, but she’s still lookin’ forward to watchin’ movies with ya, and I know she’s gonna ask ya to do her hair.”

“I’d be happy to,” Carol chuckled.

“I’ll be there early.”

“Take your time,” Carol urged.  “I probably won’t get released until the afternoon anyway.”

“Well, I’m gonna be there as soon as I drop Katie off at school.  I ain’t got nowhere else to be.”

“You’re sweet,” she murmured, and he could practically hear her smile. 

“So I was thinkin’,” he said with a chuckle.

“Uh-oh.  That’s dangerous.”

“Stop,” he laughed.  “Seriously.  I hate that you’re all by yourself at your place.  I hate ya havin’ to go through this all by yourself.”

“I’m not really all by myself,” she said with a shrug.  “You’re over a lot, or I’m here, or I’m at work.  It’s not like I’m alone or incapable of taking care of myself.”

“No,” he said quietly, “but maybe I wanna take care of you.”  Carol bit her lip, blushing at his words, and she sighed softly.

“Well, you did that last night.”

“Ya know what I mean,” he said softly.  “I wanna be there for ya.  Help ya get through this.”

“Daryl,” she said quietly, sitting up a little, a concerned look creasing her face.  “It’s sweet that you want to help out, but you know…it’s just going to…to make this harder in the end.  I love that you want to be here for me, and I appreciate that.  I just…I don’t…I think it might make all of this harder in the end.”   The line was silent for a moment. “Daryl?”

“Look, I know how this works.  I know we ain’t bringin’ our baby home from the hospital at the end of this.  I ain’t gonna be the dad.  I know that.  But that don’t mean I don’t wanna be there for ya.  You can lean on me if ya want to.” 

In that moment, Carol’s eyes welled with tears, and she sniffled, wiping at her eyes. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

“Still think it’s amazing.  What you’re doin’.  Really don’t think I’d be that strong.” 

“I’m not so sure I am that strong,” she said with a sad little chuckle. 

“I should let ya go,” he said quietly.  “Get some rest.  I’ll be there tomorrow mornin’, bright and early.”

“Alright,” she said gently.  “Goodnight.”  She bit her lip and placed her hand to her chest, curling her fingers against her gown. 

“Night, Carol,” he said softly, before the line went quiet.  And then, she let the phone fall in her lap, and she let out a sob she’d been holding in.  She knew they were getting closer, and while that thrilled her and made her so happy, it scared the hell out of her, because she knew how hard it was going to be to hand that baby over at the end of this pregnancy.  But she was beginning to realize that maybe the hardest part of all would be seeing the pain in Daryl’s eyes and watching him have to give this baby up, too.  Whatever happened, this baby was a part of him, and he was getting closer to her and more attached to her every day.  She’d seen his face that morning at the ultrasound, and she knew that he was falling in love with that baby every bit as much as she was.  And her heart was already breaking at the idea of watching him say goodbye.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, and she grabbed for her purse, fishing through it until she produced a card.  She knew it was well past business hours, but hopefully there would be voicemail option.  She quickly dialed the number on the card and closed her eyes when the line began to ring.  Soon, a recording sounded, and she bit her bottom lip.

 _“You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Jacqui Reed, Surrogacy Counselor_.  _To schedule an appointment during non-business hours, please leave a voicemail after the tone._ ”  Carol waited for it, and then she took a deep breath as the tone signaled her message.

“Hi, my name is Carol Peletier, and…I need a little help.”


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

“Ow.”

“M’sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.  Ow!” 

“Sorry.”

“Daryl,” she groaned.  “You didn’t do anything.  I’m bruised, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.  For all I know, I _was_ hit by a truck.  Ow!”  She yelped in pain as she pulled her legs up onto the couch to prop them up.  Daryl knelt down on the floor next to the couch and scooted a pillow behind her back for support. 

“Better?”

“Yeah, thank you,” she said with a tired smile, as he fluffed the pillow behind her head.  She saw him wince when she winced, and she reached her hand out to touch his cheek.

“Didn’t you sleep last night?”

“No,” he admitted.

“You should go rest.”

“I ain’t leavin’ you alone.”

“Daryl, I’m not going anywhere,” she chuckled.  “You have a few hours before you have to pick up Katie.  Why don’t you sleep?”

“M’fine,” he promised, despite stifling a yawn.

“Oh, you’re fine,” she chuckled.  “You look about as bad as I feel.”  She sighed.  “I must look like a mess.”

“You look beautiful.”

“Oh, stop,” she replied with a smirk and a shake of her head.  She watched him lick his lips nervously before he shifted to sit on the ottoman.  He took her hand in his, and he ran his thumb gently over her knuckles.  “Hey.  I’m ok.  I’m right here.”

“This is my fault,” he said quietly.  “I’m the one that kept pushin’ ya to stay over.”

“I don’t regret that,” she said with a tired smile. Daryl wasn’t smiling. “Stop it.  Stop blaming yourself.  I could have stayed.  I could have.  But I decided to skip out on an awkward situation with a curious toddler in the morning and go get ready for work at my place.  If it’s your fault, then I’m just as much to blame.” 

“I thought I lost ya.  Scared the hell outta me.  I didn’t think nothin’ of it when ya didn’t answer your phone.  Figured you was gettin’ ready and didn’t have your phone on.  Didn’t think anything of it when ya didn’t answer at work.  Just figured you were busy.”  He swallowed hard.  “The second I saw Tara’s face, I knew somethin’ was wrong.  Felt like the world dropped out from under me when she told me somethin’ happened.”  He watched her eyes fill with tears as she pulled her lips in a tight, quivering line to fight back the tears that threatened to fall.  Carol brought her hand up to his cheek, and he turned into her touch, curling his fingers around her wrist and placing a kiss to her palm. 

“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered.

“Ain’t lettin’ you outta my sight ‘til every bruise is gone.”

“Well, that could be a while.”

“Don’t care.  I want you here.”  Carol smiled a little and shook her head. 

“One car accident, and you’re going all caveman on me, huh?”  Daryl snorted at that, and Carol smiled, gently stroking her fingers through his hair.  “Thank you.”  When Daryl’s phone rang, he sighed.  “You better get that.  It could be Katie’s school.”  He nodded then and took the call, standing to walk out onto the porch.  Carol reached for a box of tissues on the coffee table, and in doing so, knocked a manila envelope onto the floor.  She frowned as the papers spilled out, and she stretched to try to pick them up, but the pain in her side was too much.  She groaned just as Daryl came walking back in with the phone to his ear.

“Hey, what’re you doin’?” he asked, hurrying to kneel down and grab the fallen tissues from the floor.  He handed them to her and gathered up the papers, clutching them as he paced the living room.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I got ‘em right here.  Like I said in my voicemail, I don’t know what the hell I’m doin’, and that’s why I need a lawyer.  So can ya just meet with me and look at what I’ve got so I know what I’m gonna have to do here?”  Carol narrowed her eyes, watching Daryl pace.  “Yeah.  Ok.  Ok, Friday at five?  I…”  He glanced at Carol.  “I can’t do that.  No.  Katie’s home from school.”

 _“I can watch her_ ,” Carol whispered, waving her hand to get his attention.  He shook his head. 

“I can do it earlier.  Just take a long lunch.”

“ _Daryl_ ,” Carol hissed.

“Hold on,” he murmured, putting his hand over the phone.

“Whatever it is, I can keep an eye on her for a while.”  She nodded to the papers in his hand.  “It must be important.  And you’ve already missed enough work on account of me as it is.  The least I can do is help you out for a couple hours.”

“I ain’t gonna ask you to do that.”

“It’s fine.  We can watch movies and veg out on the couch.  It’ll be fine.”  Daryl sighed.  “Friday is days away.  I’m sure I’ll be feeling much better then, anyway.”

“You sure about this?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t,” she insisted.  Daryl chewed his lip then, before he brought the phone back to his ear. 

“I can do Friday at five.  Yeah.  Yes, sir.  Thank you.  Yeah.  See you then.”  And then he ended the call and put his phone away.

“What was that all about, anyway?” Carol asked, as Daryl sat back down on the ottoman. 

“It’s a long story,” he murmured, running his hand over his face.  Carol looked around and then motioned toward her laid out position on the couch.  With a little smile, she settled back and watched him, folding her hands into her lap.

“Well, I’ve got time.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Is she sleeping?” Carol asked with a tired smile, sitting up and putting her feet on the floor, curling her toes against the soft carpet.

“Like a log,” Daryl chuckled.  “She was so excited about you sleepin’ over that I think she wore herself out.”  Carol smiled then, moving to stand and wincing before slumping back onto the couch.

“Hey, you ok?”

“Yeah,” she murmured.  “It’s getting late.”

“Yeah,” he agreed.  “Alright.  C’mon.  Let’s get you to bed.”  He moved to help her stand, and she looked a bit bewildered.  “You ain’t ready for bed?”

“I’m sleeping in your bed?”

“You sure as hell ain’t sleepin’ on the couch,” he pointed out.  He cleared his throat.  “I’ll sleep on the couch.  You can have the whole bed to yourself.”

“Oh no,” she said with a shake of her head.  “I’m restless enough sleeping in a new place.  I don’t want to lay awake all night and feel bad that you’re tossing and turning on that cramped couch.”  She sighed and pointed to her bag on the chair by the hall entrance.  “Do you mind?”

“Got it.”  He lifted her bad and held one arm protectively around her waist as they hobbled down the hall together.  He closed the door behind them and slung her bag into a chair.  She turned toward him then, and he saw the way her cheeks and the tips of her ears were a little pink.  She swallowed then, and he realized she probably wanted to change into something comfortable for bed.

“Uh…I can give you some privacy,” he offered, starting for the door.

“Daryl,” she chuckled.  “I appreciate the offer, but I’m gonna need your help.  Besides, it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”  She gave him a little wink, attempting humor, but he still looked a bit anxious himself.  “Help me, please?”  He nodded then, swallowing hard, tongue feeling thick and heavy as he bit back the urge to say words that would probably come out sounding stupid anyway.  He just wanted her to feel ok, and he wasn’t so sure attempting to elevate the mood with humor would be a hundred percent successful on his part. 

“Sure,” he said with a little nod.  “Ok.  Um…yeah.”  Flustered, he stepped toward her, and she lifted her arms wincing in pain as he slowly tugged her shirt over her head.  He flinched at the sight of her bruises.  They looked worse now than at the hospital, edges now blurred and spread, veins dark and swollen under her skin.  He gently moved his hand over her side, minding her injuries, placing his hand gently against the slight swell of her belly.  Carol smiled warmly at him, bringing her hand over his without words. 

He helped her with her pants then, and the moment he moved behind her to unclasp her bra, she let out a sigh and a little groan.

“I hurt you?”

“No.  That actually feels good,” she chuckled.  “It was stupid to put it on.  I’m actually not sure how I managed that this morning..”

“You ain’t gonna find me complainin’ if you decide to keep it off.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she snorted.  “My eyes are up here, Dixon.”  He grinned at her then, and he pressed a kiss to her lips before he grabbed for her bag and started to rummage through it.  He paused midway and turned around to offer her a little smile.  “What’s the problem?

“I think I was so eager to get ya over here that I forgot to pack anything for ya to sleep in.”

“Or you just figured you could get me sleeping naked,” she teased.

“M’sorry,” he murmured.  “I can run to yer place real quick.”

“No.  No, it’s ok.  We can do that tomorrow.  I’ll just borrow one of your shirts.  That’ll be good enough.”  Daryl nodded then before tugging open his dresser drawer.  He came out with an old rock band T-shirt, one that had fit him nicely, but the second he slipped it over Carol’s lithe frame, she was swimming in it.  She looked down at herself and how the t-shirt hung just past her hips, and she looked back at him with a tired smile.  “It’s comfy.”  And it smelled like him, which was the best part. 

She lifted her hand to stifle a yawn, and Daryl noticed a bruise on her elbow that he hadn’t seen before.  As if physically hurting himself, he winced, and Carol pulled her arm up to examine the injury.  She shook her head.

“I’m sure I’ve got bruises in places I didn’t even know could bruise.  What’s one more?”  She sighed and turned toward the bed.  He helped ease her down, and she rolled onto her side, finding that perfect spot.

“You good?”

“Oh, yeah.  I forgot how comfortable this bed was.”  She smiled up at him, but he didn’t smile back.  “Oh, come on.  Stop worrying.”

“Maybe they shoulda kept you another day.”

“Maybe you should get in bed and go to sleep and stop fretting,” she challenged.  With a sigh, he relented and moved to turn out the light.  He carefully made his way to the other side of the bed and crawled in.  He lay flat on his back, afraid to move or breathe for fear of making her uncomfortable.  But when she turned slightly and reached for his hand, he relaxed a little.  “Daryl?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you…”  She bit her lip for a moment.  “Can you just…”  She tugged on his arm a little, and he realized what she needed.  He rolled to his side then, scooting up behind her, pressing himself against her from behind.  He draped one arm over her side and pulled her closer, holding her just below her breasts, just above where the bruising on her stomach started.  She sighed as he pulled her closer and nuzzled the back of her neck, burying his face in her hair.  She gently brushed her hand over his forearm, closing her eyes as she felt his heart beating against her back.

“This ok?”

“Yeah,” she whispered softly.  “Thank you.” 

*~*~*~*

Carol was sore and stiff when she woke in the morning, but the moment she felt his warm breath against her shoulder and his hands protectively braced against her belly, she smiled and stretched, rousing him from his own sleep.

“Mmm, mornin’,” he murmured, yawning and burying face against the back of her neck.  She smiled at the scratchy feeling of his stubble against her skin, and she sighed, skimming her hand over his arm.

“Morning,” she whispered, unwilling to open her eyes just yet.  When she felt his lips against the back of her shoulder, she smiled and turned slightly just in time to feel him press a kiss to her temple. 

“How ya feelin’?”

“Sore and stiff,” she admitted.  “But that’s to be expected.”  She smiled a little, rolling onto her back.  She sighed when she felt his hand brush against her stomach where her shirt had ridden up in the night.  She put her hand over his.  “I have an appointment with Dr. Greene tomorrow.  I’m not going to worry.  Dr. Crosby seemed pretty confident that everything’s ok.”  She swallowed hard then, watching the way his gaze moved from her face down to her stomach.  She gently pushed his hand away and made a move to sit up, partly out of the need to pee, partly out of the need to put a little distance between them.  He held her so close, and she’d fallen asleep to him rubbing her stomach, and she knew he was just trying to take care of her.  But she also knew that the further along into this pregnancy she got, the more attached she was going to become.  Of course he was going to become attached, too.  And he seemed to sense a problem the second she sat up.

“You ok?”

“Yeah.  I’m fine,” she promised, flashing him a tired smile over her shoulder.  She got up then and made her way to the bathroom.  When she returned, Daryl was sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes and trying to force himself to wake up.  “I heard Katie moving around in there.   I can start some breakfast.”

“No you won’t,” he replied.  “You’re goin’ back to bed and stayin’ there.”

“Is that an order?”

“A hopeful suggestion,” he replied with a grin.  “Whaddya want for breakfast?  I can burn ya some eggs.”

“Oh, burnt eggs and scorched sausage, please.”  He nodded then and started to get up, as Carol settled down next to him.  He suddenly lost he will to move and instead reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers.  She smiled then, resting her head on his shoulder and sighing softly.

“You think I’m doin’ the right thing?”

“Hmm?”

“With Katie.  I don’t know what the hell I’m doin’.”

“I really do,” she said quietly.  “The best thing Merle ever did was hand those papers over to you.  I know you can do this.  And you _want_ this.”

“I do,” he said quietly.  “Didn’t really know how much before, but I know it’s the right thing to do.”

“Then go see that lawyer.  They’ll help you.  And you’ve got me in your corner.”  She smiled a little.

“I’m just afraid Nora and…”

“They know Katie’s in good hands here.  She’s been doing just fine with you, and she’s happy here.  This is her home, and any judge is gonna see that.”  She placed a kiss to his shoulder.  “It’s not just the right thing.  It’s the only thing.”  Daryl nodded then, and at that moment, the door burst open, and Katie came bounding in.  Her eyes widened in surprise, and she froze in the doorway when she saw Carol sitting next to her uncle Daryl on the bed.

“I looked for you in the living room, but you weren’t there,” she said shyly.  “Did you have a sleepover?”

“We did,” Carol chuckled, as the little girl hurried over to wedge her way between them on the bed. 

“Uncle Daryl, can we go to the park today?”

“You have school,” he pointed out.

“Aw, do I hafta?”

“Hafta?  I think we’re in trouble,” Daryl chuckled.  Katie made a face, as Carol ran her fingers through the little girl’s hair.

“How would you like a pretty French braid for school today?”

“Oh, please!” Katie exclaimed excitedly, bouncing a bit on the bed.  “And can you paint my fingernails like yours?”

“Maybe later, sweetheart,” Carol chuckled, feeling her stomach clench at the thought of that powerful nail polish smell that she seemed to have an aversion to lately.  “But go get your hair brush, ok?”  Katie nodded eagerly and hurried off.  Daryl chuckled and shook his head, rubbing his face with his hand. 

“You’re good with her.”  Carol smiled sadly and gave a little shrug.

“Moms don’t forget.  I remember Sophia liked me to play with her hair.  She liked to do the girly things.  But she also liked to run around and play in the dirt.”  Carol chuckled a little as Daryl gave her knee a little squeeze.  “I really miss her.”  She blinked back her tears and sniffled.   Daryl pulled his arm around her and gave her a gentle kiss.  “Thank you for bringing me here.  I think I’d go crazy at my place.”

“You’re welcome here as long as ya wanna stay.  I can go get your things and move ya in right now.”

“I think that’s a little much,” she laughed.  “But you’re sweet.”  She kissed him again, and Daryl gently ran his thumb over her jaw. 

“One of these days, you’re gonna say yes.”

“I am?”

“Mmm,” he said with a nod.  “I can wait though.”  She couldn’t help but grin as the warmth spread through her chest.

“I appreciate your confidence,” she said sweetly.  “Now didn’t you promise me some burnt breakfast?”

“Yes, ma’am.  Coming right up.”  With one last kiss, he was off to the kitchen.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_Eight weeks_

_Well, things have been a little crazy around here, but you’re fine, I’m fine, and things are good.  I’m getting ready for an appointment with Dr. Greene, and later, I’ll be meeting with Dr. Jacqui Reed.  She’s a surrogacy counselor.  I don’t want to sugar coat anything.  You are so loved already, and your dads are already planning your nursery.  But I love you, too, and I can’t lie to myself.  It’ll break my heart to give you up, but that’s been the plan since before you even existed.  I feel myself falling more in love with you every day, dreaming of being your mommy.  And that’s what I am.  I will always be that for you if that what you need, if that’s what your dads want._

_I know this is a unique situation, and I know that you are going to have three parents who love you more than you will ever know.  Make that three.  Daryl is growing more attached to you every day, and I’m considering asking him to come to these sessions with Dr. Reed with me.  I never expected this situation to get so complicated, but it’s a beautiful kind of complication that I wouldn’t change for the world.  In the end, you’re going to have two amazing dads raising you, and your biological parents will love you just as much as your Daddy and Papa.  Whatever has happened by the time you’re old enough to read this, Daryl is a good man, and he loves you already, and I’m certain he’ll still be part of your life, no matter what may happen a month from now, a year.  Ten years.  He’s a good man, and I know that he’s going to be your favorite honorary uncle._

*~*~*~*

For the last several mornings, they had fallen into a routine.  Daryl would wake early and get Katie ready for school and make breakfast.  Then they’d sit at the table and eat and talk, and before Daryl left for work, he’d bring Carol her laptop and make sure she was comfortable before kissing her and heading out the door.  And when he’d get home, he’d either order out or would attempt to make something for dinner.  They’d go to sleep in his bed every night, and they would do nothing more than curl up together and talk before falling asleep in a comfortable peace.  He didn’t dare even attempt to push things past a few soft kisses, and she’d even attempted to take it a little further the night before, but she knew he was worried she was hurting.  The last thing he wanted was to cause her any pain.

On the day of Carol’s appointment with Dr. Greene, Daryl had taken an extended lunch to take her to her appointment, and on the way, Carol couldn’t help but notice the way his thumb brushed over her knuckles as he held her hand on the seat between them. 

She smiled a little, resting her head back against the seat.  This was starting to feel so normal and natural.  They were turning into a little family, and while it felt good, it scared her.  She hadn’t been back to her place since before the accident, and she knew there were things that needed to be done.  She needed to get back into her old routine and back to work, and she was feeling better.  She was ready.  But she wasn’t so sure Daryl was.

“You’re quiet,” he said softly, breaking her from her thoughts as he stopped at a red light.  “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” she said softly, yawning and blinking into the glare of the sun that flashed off the chrome fender of the car ahead of them.

“You sure you’re feelin’ alright?  You didn’t eat much breakfast.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, giving his hand a squeeze.  Daryl paused for a moment before glancing at her.

“This about last night?”

“Oh my God,” she chuckled.  “Can I stop you for a second?  When I say ‘I’m fine’ that really does mean I’m fine.  I’m not lying.  I’m just tired, and ok, maybe I was a little disappointed last night, but your heart was in the right place.  So I’m not upset.  I’m just…fine.”  Daryl narrowed his eyes at her.

“You seemed kinda mad last night.”

“Maybe frustrated.  Not mad,” she insisted.  She gave his hand another squeeze.  The truth was, she was feeling pretty good, and she did have a few residual aches in her side from the accident, but it was nothing unbearable.  And she’d finally been feeling more like herself at bedtime the night before.  And as they’d lain there together, her thoughts had wandered back to the night they’d spent together right before her accident.  And her body had begun to remember exactly how good he’d made her feel.  And she’d begun to crave him, begun to need to feel that comfort and that pleasure again.  And when she’d kissed him and it had started to turn to something more, he’d pulled back and put an end to it.  And then she’d forced herself to try to sleep despite the fact that she could feel his erection pressing against her back and she could hear the uneven breathing in his hitching chest as he’d fought to control himself.  And she’d wished he hadn’t.  But, as she’d said, his heart had been in the right place.

“Frustrated,” he said quietly before licking his lips and turning the corner.

“Hmm,” she murmured with a little grin as he coasted down the hill.  “I missed you.”  She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles.  He brought her hand up and placed a kiss to her knuckles, and she smiled a little when the blush filled his cheeks.

“Maybe I can take a really long lunch,” he offered.

“Don’t do that,” she laughed.  “I think I can wait until tonight for you to make it up to me though.”  She gave him a teasing grin, and he shook his head a little, smirking as he pulled the truck into the parking lot outside of the doctor’s office.  He scooted across the seat then, pulling his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close for a kiss.  “It’s a little too public to go parking isn’t it?”

“Just a little preview,” he offered, brushing his lips over hers softly, dipping his tongue out to taste her lips in an all too quick kiss.  When he pulled away, she tucked her fingers into the collar of his shirt and pulled him back for another quick kiss.  He smiled against her lips, and she felt her skin warm as his thumb brushed over her jaw and down the side of her neck.  She shivered, pulling back then and grabbing her purse. 

“I usually skip the previews,” she grinned.  “But I kinda like yours.”  Daryl chuckled then, watching her slide out of the truck before he grabbed the keys and got out to walk in with her.  “It’ll be nice.  Kind of book-ending my visit at your place.”

“Whaddya mean?” he asked, peering over at her as they walked into the building.  He watched her jaw tense a little before she shrugged.

“I still have a home, you know.  I have things to take care of.  I have a job to get back to.”

“Right,” he said with a slow nod.  “You do.  But there ain’t no hurry for you to leave.”

“I know, but I’m all better, Daryl.  I feel good.  I don’t need somebody to take care of me anymore.”  Daryl just nodded then, reaching out and taking her hand.  She smiled, feeling the way his calloused fingers gently squeezed hers.  “But that doesn’t end…anything.  I mean, I like this.  What we have.”

“Me too,” he said with a little nod.  “Gonna miss wakin’ up with you every mornin’.”  Carol felt a little tug at her heart, and she pulled her hand from his to open the door.  He beat her to it, though, pulling it open and stepping out of the way so she could walk in first.  She smiled then, feeling her heart flutter at the way he was looking at her.  She was going to miss waking up with him, too. 

Carol checked in at the reception window, and then they were taken back to a room to wait for Dr. Greene.  As Carol lay back against the table, Daryl moved over to a poster behind the door that had images of babies at every state of in-utero development.  When he got to week 8, he looked at her.

“Hey, this is what the kid looks like right now.  Kinda like an alien.”  Carol laughed a little.  “The head’s supposed to look like that?”

“For now,” she said with a little hum.  “Don’t worry.  It’ll get cuter.”  Daryl moved to stand by the exam table, and she glanced up at him anxiously, wondering what was going through his mind.

“Can you feel it in there?”

“Not yet,” she chuckled.  “It’s too soon.  It won’t be long though.  I’m sure he or she will be giving me plenty of sleepless nights.  Oh, I remember when I was pregnant with Sophia.  Some nights, I swear she was trying to run a marathon.”  Daryl grinned at that, and then he saw the brief flicker of sadness dance across her face.  He curled his fingers with hers and gave her hand a squeeze.  “I’m, um, I’m going to go see Dr. Reed.  That surrogacy counselor, you know?”  Daryl nodded then, swallowing hard as Carol blinked back tears.  “I know what the goal is here.  I want this for Aaron and Eric.  But I can already feel something here that…I’m going to have a tough time with.”

“I’m here, ya know?  I’m gonna be here.  You ain’t goin’ through this alone.”

“Maybe,” Carol considered, biting her lower lip, “maybe you can come to some of these sessions with me.  I think it’d be good.”  She sniffled then.  “I never counted on anything happening between us, but it’s happening, and I’m happy that it is.  But I know how I’m feeling here, and I feel you touching my stomach at night, and I just…I want us to both be ok here.”

“I’m fine,” he promised.

“Right now you are,” she said quietly.  “But what about when the baby gets here?”

“I ain’t gonna try to take this kid away from my best friends if that’s what you’re gettin’ at.”

“No, that’s not what I’m getting at.  But what happens when this baby we’re both watching grow inside of me is being raised by someone else?  I knew coming into this what was going to happen.  But I never….I didn’t expect to…”  She bit back the words.

“I know.  Me neither.”  He brought one hand to her stomach and placed it there.  “I’m here with you.  I’m in this.  And when the time comes, I’m still gonna be here.  This kid’s still gonna be part of our lives.  Aaron and Eric want that.”  Carol nodded then and took a shaky breath.  “And who knows?  Maybe someday this baby’ll have a playmate.  You know, a best friend that looks a lot like it?”  Carol chuckled at that and shook her head.

“I don’t want to look that far ahead just yet,” she admitted.  “Let me get through this first and then…we’ll see.”  He nodded then, seeing the uncertainty and the doubt in her eyes.  It was far too soon to push those things on her, and he felt a little guilty when she wiped at her eyes, but he didn’t have much time to consider it when the doctor knocked and came stepping into the room. 

Dr. Greene greeted them with a warm smile and got right to work, sending Daryl from the room long enough to do a thorough examination.  When Daryl was let back in, Dr. Greene started the ultrasound and checking things out for a good long while before informing Carol that everything was right on track and that there was no reason to expect anything other than a perfectly happy, healthy baby in about seven months.

“You sure everything’s ok?” Daryl asked.  “She’s alright?  Baby’s fine?”

“She’s just fine,” Dr. Greene announced. 

“But she’s still bruised,” Daryl pointed out, indicating the greenish-yellow bruises that still peppered her side.

“It looks worse than it feels,” Carol insisted.

“I’d listen to the patient on this one,” Dr. Greene said with a smile.  “Carol, I’m officially taking you off of rest restrictions.  You’re doing well, and the baby’s doing great.  There’s no reason to keep you resting if you don’t need to be.  You can return to your previous activities.”

“All of ‘em?” Daryl asked, getting a brief swat on the arm from Carol.

“Yes, _all_ of them,” Dr. Greene laughed.  “Don’t worry.  You’re not the first partner with the same question.”  He cleared his throat then, standing and grabbing Carol’s file.  “I’ll leave you to get dressed.  The ultrasound pictures are yours to keep.”  He handed her a small stack of images.

“I’ll be sure to give them to Aaron,” Carol said with a little smile.  Daryl watched as she tucked them in her purse.  When Dr. Greene was gone, Daryl leaned in and gave her a soft kiss.  “What was that for?”

“Nothin’,” he said with a grin before she smiled up at him, those big, blue eyes sparkling with happiness.  “C’mon, let’s get outta here.”

“Hmm,” she hummed with a nod of agreement, before she grabbed her clothes and began to dress, keeping Dr. Greene’s words in the back of her mind.  He’d called Daryl her partner.  And that was exactly what he was.  He’d been there at her side.  He’d supported her.  He’d promised to be there for her, to take care of her, and her heart was full.  Still, the nagging cloud of doubt about the future still hung ever-prominently over her head.  She didn’t know what to expect at the end of all of this, but the only thing she hoped for was that in the end, they could help each other heal and be content with the happiness this gift would bring.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Daryl had headed back to work as soon as he’d dropped Carol off at home.  She’d been home long enough to shower and grab a quick snack before she needed to head for Dr. Reed’s office.  Luckily, Michonne had taken the day off and was willing to come across town and give her friend a ride. 

“I appreciate this,” Carol said quietly.  “Daryl would have driven me, but he’s already done so much and taken off enough work for me. I didn’t even tell him what time my appointment was, because I knew he’d take the rest of the day off.  He’s sweet, but I don’t want him losing his job for me.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Michonne said with a little smile.  “I really didn’t have any planned.  I just needed a personal day.  I, um, I took some flowers out to Andre’s grave today.”

“Oh God,” Carol said quietly. 

“I hadn’t been there for a while, and I just…I needed to spend some time with my son.”  Carol felt her throat tighten and she blinked back tears.  “I stopped by Sophia’s grave, too.  I took her some flowers.  I know Andre wouldn’t have minded to share.” 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Carol said quietly.

“I wanted to,” Michonne insisted with a nod before clearing her throat to change the subject.  “How are you feeling?”

“Better than I look.”

“You look good,” Michonne insisted.  The first few days after the wreck, you looked pretty bad, but you look rested.”

“Daryl’s taking good care of me,” Carol said with a little grin.  “I think he’s taking too much care, actually.  I feel like he’s been waiting on me hand and foot.  I’m pregnant and had a bad car accident, but I’m not an invalid.”  She leaned back against the seat and felt a shiver run through her. 

“You ok?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to a counselor.  Every time I think of sitting there and pouring everything out to somebody, I think back to the hospital and…and everything.”

“Have you talked to Daryl about it?”

“He knows I struggled after Sophia.”

“Does he know everything?” Michonne asked quietly.

“He knows enough for now.  Does he know I tried to kill myself?  No.”  She put her hand against her stomach.  “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”

“Honey, you know he’s gonna understand, right?  I mean, you went through something unimaginable.”  Michonne pulled into the parking lot for Dr. Reed’s office and cut the engine.  “There’s something I never told you, but I think you need to know.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m the one that called 911 that day.  I was bringing you over a casserole.  One of those things you do, you know?  Everybody did it for me when Andre…”  She bit back her words and shook her head.  “You were just…you were lying on the bathroom floor.  I knocked on the door, and I heard something.  A clatter.  I rushed in, and there you were.  The pill bottle was next to you, and you were bleeding.  You must’ve hit your head on the sink on the way down.  And I saw the note tucked in the pocket of your bathrobe.”

“You…so there _was_ a note.  I’d started to think maybe…maybe I dreamed it.”

“I threw it away.  I couldn’t…I knew.  I knew how much pain you were in.  I’d been through it myself.  But I read that note, read how much you blamed yourself, and I knew I couldn’t just sit by and do nothing.  I called 911.  We didn’t really know each other that well then, but I knew I couldn’t let you go.” 

“Mich…I had no…no idea.”

“You never thought about who found you?”

“I always thought maybe it was Aaron or Eric.  I just…I didn’t think it was you.  I guess I didn’t really want to think about it.  I still don’t like thinking about it.  I was a different person then.  I was…”  She swallowed the lump in her throat.  “Thank you.  I…I owe you…everything.”

“No you don’t.  You got help, and you’re doing better every day.  That’s everything.”  Michonne gave her friend a little smile.  “So don’t be afraid to tell Daryl.”

“I’m not afraid.  I’m just not…ready.”

“Who you were then?  That’s a part of you. That doesn’t change. It happened.  But _you_ changed, because you found a reason to keep going.  And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.  You keep it with you, because in those moments when you feel weak, you can remember how strong you were.”  Michonne sighed softly when Carol placed her hand over her friend’s.  “It helps me.  I was there once, too, and I almost didn’t make it back.  But I did.  And so did you.  And you don’t have to keep that locked up inside of you.  It’s help you become who you are.  And Daryl will see that.  He will.”

“Thank you,” Carol said softly, letting out a slow, shaky breath.  “You, um, you don’t have to wait.  I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

“Are you kidding?  If your boyfriend finds out I made you take the bus home, I’ll never hear the end of it.  I’ve got music and magazines.  I’m good for a while.”

“Thank you, Michonne.  I appreciate this.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for.”  Michonne gave Carol’s hand a squeeze before Carol slid out of the car and headed into the building, hoisting her purse strap up her shoulder and taking a brave breath of fresh air.  She was strong.  She could do this.  She’d already been through the hardest part of her life.  She could get through anything.

*~*~*~*

_The first session with Dr. Jacqui Reed was…inspiring.  She’s kind and warm and opened the session by telling me about herself.  She has seven children.  She had two daughters and a son of her own, but she’s been a surrogate for four different families.  She considers those babies her kids, even though she hasn’t seen them since they day they were born.  They are still her babies in her heart, and she celebrates their birthdays in her own way.  I really like her._

_I explained that I will be a part of this baby’s life, and I worried that maybe she wouldn’t be able to help me because of this.  But she assured me she’s helped all kinds of women and couples going through a surrogacy on both ends, the surrogate mother and her partner as well as the intended parents.  She has seen so many different family structures and situations, and I feel pretty confident that I’ll be able to really talk to her through this pregnancy._

_I told her how I’m not sure who will have a harder time when this pregnancy is over, myself or Daryl.  She’s advising me to bring him in for a session or two, free of charge, and I’m considering asking him.  Maybe it’s too early.  Maybe I need to wait and see how this relationship pans out.  Maybe it won’t work out.  I hope it does.  But I don’t want to drag Daryl into something prematurely.  I just need to play it safe, and I need to get in a few sessions with Dr. Reed before I can really make a judgment call._

“Whatcha writin’?”  Carol gasped softly when she felt him kiss the back of her neck.  She quickly closed the laptop and put it aside before turning to greet him with a warm smile.

“Just getting some thoughts down,” she said with a smile, bringing her hands up to his face as he leaned over her.  She kissed him softly when he leaned in closer, and she sighed, smiling against his mouth until the front screen door cracked against the wall with a bang. 

“Katie Dixon, how many times I gotta tell ya not to open the door so fast?”

“Sorry, Uncle Daryl,” Katie said sheepishly.  “Can I go pack now?”

“Go on,” Daryl chuckled.  Katie beamed happily and bounded to her room, while Carol raised an eyebrow and looked at Daryl with bemusement.

“What was that all about?”

“Katie’s gonna have a sleepover with one of her pre-school friends.”

“Oh she is, is she?”

“Figure, your last night here, you might want some privacy.”

“Oh, I like the way you think,” she chuckled.  “But I had brownies and a princess movie all planned out.”

“Well, we can still do that if ya want, but Katie’s sold on stayin’ over at little Eliza Morales’ place.”

“Oh, well, I’d hate to break up a play date.” 

“We can have a play date of our own,” Daryl suggested with a grin, getting an eye roll and a blush out of Carol.  “You been relaxin’ today?”

“Some,” Carol admitted.  She chewed her lip as Daryl sat next to her on the couch, and she finally sighed in resignation.  “I went to see Dr. Reed today.”

“Already?  You didn’t tell me that was today.  How’d you get there?”

“Michonne,” Carol admitted.  “I didn’t want to spring it on you.  I didn’t want you missing any work.”  At Daryl’s look, Carol pouted a little.  “You’ve been so good to me, and I didn’t want you going out of your way to lug me all over town.  As soon as the insurance comes back on my car, I can get something small and reliable and I won’t have to keep asking for help to get around.”

“Ya know I don’t mind,” he pointed out.

“I know you don’t, but it’ll be easier on everybody.”  Carol ran her fingers through her hair and settled back against the couch.

“So how’d it go?” he asked, leaning back and curling his fingers around hers.

“It was good, I think.  Um, she’s really nice.  Easy to talk to.”

“Yeah?  That’s good.  You gonna keep going?”

“Yeah, I’ll see how things go.  I didn’t expect to have such a good experience.  In the past, I’ve just wanted to crawl up the walls to get out, you know?  I don’t exactly enjoy talking about my issues.”

“Well, it’s probably for the best, ya know? With everything goin’ on, sometimes it don’t hurt to talk to a stranger.  But ya know you can talk to me, if ya want.”

“I know.  Thank you,” she said with a little smile, leaning in to kiss him softly. 

“Hey, I almost forgot.  Talked to my lawyer today.  Things are lookin’ good.  I got a court date comin’ up.  They’ll probably do a home visit, talk to Katie and see how she feels about stayin’ here.”

“Any word from Merle?”

“Nah.  Think he’s just tryin’ to stay out of the way.  Guess they got hold of him long enough to verify the papers and all that.  He’s just…gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Carol said softly, gently stroking his cheek.  “You ok?”

“I’m good.  I got Katie, I got you.”  He cleared his throat. “I’ve got you, right?”

“You do,” she said with a smile.  “For tonight, and then I’m going back home in the morning.  Deal?”  Daryl smirked at that. 

“Alright, but who’s gonna make you burnt toast and semi-cooked eggs like I do?”

“Oh, I’ll manage to survive somehow,” Carol teased, as Daryl pulled his arm around her and kissed the side of her head.  “You know you can come by anytime, right?”

“Same goes for over here.  Still think it’d be easier if you just moved in.”

“Stop,” she laughed. 

“Can’t blame a guy for tryin’ can ya?”

“I’m not ready for that yet,” she insisted.  “Besides, I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize you getting Katie.  I mean, how would it look to the courts to see you shacking up with a woman you’ve barely known two months?  I mean…”

“Katie loves you.  And you make it better here.”

“You’re sweet,” she grinned.  “But let’s just put a pin in this conversation for now.  We’ll come back to it later, ok?”

“Deal,” he replied, pulling his arms around her and bringing her in for a kiss.  She laughed when his hand began to wander up the back of her shirt. 

“You better stop,” she whispered.  “Katie’s gonna come in here any minute, and you’ll have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I’ll just tell her I’m checkin’ for chicken pox.”

“You’ve just got an answer for everything, don’t you?” she giggled, as Daryl withdrew his hand and Katie came rushing back into the room.

“All ready.  Can we go now?  Pleeeeease?”

“Ain’t you gonna come give Carol a hug?  She’s goin’ home in the mornin’.”

“You are?” Katie pouted.  “But why?  Don’t you like it here with us?”

“Oh, of course I do, sweetheart,” Carol murmured, as the little girl came over and wrapped her arms around her neck.  “I love it here.  But I’m all better now, and it’s time for me to go back to my house.”

“Oh,” Katie pouted.  “I wish you’d stay.  I like it when you’re here.  You know how to do my hair.”  Katie peeked over at Daryl before crooking her finger at beckoning Carol to lean in closer.  “Uncle Daryl isn’t very good.”  Carol bit back a laugh and gave Katie a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s not like you won’t ever see me again.  I’ll be just across town, and we’ll still see each other a lot.”

“But it won’t be the same,” Katie sighed.

“Oh, honey, you know you’re welcome at my place any time, right?”

“I guess,” Katie pouted. 

“Hey, c’mere,” Carol murmured, picking the little girl up and putting her in her lap.  “Do you want a French braid or pigtails?”

“Pigtails!” Katie exclaimed ecstatically.  Carol laughed and nodded, reaching for a brush on the coffee table.

“Pigtails it is.  And just between you and me?”  She leaned in close and whispered to Katie, though Daryl could plainly hear every word.  “I’ll try and teach Uncle Daryl how to do your hair.  But don’t worry, I can always come fix it in an emergency.  Deal?”

“Oh, ok,” Katie replied with a giggle.  “Deal.”

 

*~*~*~*~

While Daryl was out taking Katie to the Morales’, Carol decided to take a long, hot bath.  She stripped out of her clothes and grimaced at the unsightly bruise that snaked down her side.  No wonder Daryl was so anxious about touching her.  It did still look bad, but it was healing, and she felt pretty damned good considering the emotional rollercoaster she’d been on that afternoon. 

But, as she sunk into the hot water and began washing her hair, she felt the tension and the stress just melt away.  After she’d thoroughly washed herself and shaved her legs, she relaxed, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the back of the tub, sighing softly as the steam curled up off the water and disappeared above her.

She smiled when she heard the door open down the hall.

“Carol?”

“Down the hall,” she called, gently splashing her hand against the surface of the water.  When Daryl poked his head in, his gaze was immediately drawn to the swell of her breasts just above the water.  He groaned softly then, gripping the door knob, and Carol smiled at him, raising her hand to beckon him in. 

“I’m all clean.  Wanna get me dirty again?”

“Christ,” he muttered, throwing open the door and tugging his shirt over his head.  Carol couldn’t suppress the grin and a little giggle as she watched him kick his shoes off and undress at an impressive speed.   He got in behind her, and she scooted up to give him room to sit down.  She bit her lip and scooted back, settling between his legs as his hands roamed down her shoulders and arms before sliding over her stomach and up to her breasts.  He paused when his hand settled against her bruised side, and she placed her hand gently over his.

“I’m ok,” she promised.  “You won’t hurt me.”

“Last time we did this, you ended up in the hospital.”

“That was an accident, and it’s not going to happen again,” she pointed out, as his arms curled around her middle and he buried his face against the back of her neck.

“Better not.”  She grinned then, leaning back as he placed open mouthed kisses against the back of her neck and her shoulder blades.  She turned then, wrapping her arms around his neck as she rested against his chest.  He groaned softly as her breasts pressed against him, as her hands twined through his hair, as her mouth covered his and her tongue delved into his mouth.

“I really did miss you,” she murmured softly, pulling back to look into his stunning blue eyes.  “And I never really got the chance to tell you how much that night really meant to me.”  She tugged at his lower lip with her teeth.

“Meant a lot to me, too,” he murmured, as his brain began to struggle to remember how to string a coherent sentence together. 

“Thank you for being here,” she said quietly, moving her hand slowly down his chest and under the water.  He half expected her to take a firm hold of him, but instead, her hand moved down his thigh, gently squeezing him as she kissed him again.  His arms came around, pulling her closer, hands moving down her slick back and over her ass, as her knees straddled his hips. 

“Ain’t no place else I wanna be,” he murmured, before she quieted him with another kiss that promised so much more.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The first thing that Daryl Dixon felt the moment he stirred from his sleep was the warmth of her skin under his hands and the steady rise and fall of her back against his chest.  The second thing he felt was the sense of dread that she was leaving today to go back to her place.  He couldn’t help but feel a knot tugging tighter, coiling to the point of bursting.  He loved having her there.  He loved _her._ He’d all but told her.  He knew it though, felt it in every breath he took, every flutter of his heart when she looked at him with those gorgeous blue eyes. 

He cracked one eye open, peering at the clock on her side of the bed.  It was past dawn, and flecks of dust traveled the stunted sun rays filtering through the blind slats.  He felt her stir as his breathing quickened, and he pressed a soft kiss to the back of her neck.  She moaned softly, arching her head forward before he placed a kiss between her shoulder blades. 

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered.  “It’s still early.”

“Sun’s out,” she whispered hoarsely, stretching and arching back against his chest before relaxing and rubbing a sleep-lazy hand over the gooseflesh of his bicep.

“Nah, you’re just dreamin’.”

“I thought you said I should go back to sleep,” she giggled.  He froze before he buried his face against the back of her neck and chuckled.

“Shit.”  She laughed then, turning in his arms and greeting him with a sweet kiss.  “Mornin’.”

“Morning,” she replied with a growing smile, as she hooked one arm around his neck and pulled him closer for another kiss.

“Careful.  Ain’t brushed yet.”

“I don’t care,” she replied, crinkling her nose before kissing him again.  He kissed her in return, long and slow, bringing his arms around her middle, pulling her naked body against his, running his fingers through her hair while her hands roamed over his broad shoulders and down his sides. 

“Ya know, you’re gonna be missin’ this in the mornin’.”

“You’re awfully sure of yourself,” Carol grinned, as Daryl rolled her onto her back, parting her legs with his hands and shifting to lay between them, resting his forehead against hers as his budding erection pressed against her core. 

“Just know what I know,” he pointed out.  “And now I know that the only thing better than wakin’ up next to you is wakin’ up to you when you’re naked.”  She snorted then, and he chuckled, flashing a smile that made her insides quiver.    She sighed then, placing a hand against his rough cheek.

“You know I’m not doing this to hurt you, right?  I’m feeling better.  I need to get back home.  I need things to get back to normal for a while.”  Daryl swallowed hard but nodded, pressing a kiss to her lips.  What he couldn’t say, what he knew might make it even harder was that this had become his normal.  He and Katie had been doing just fine, but Carol coming along had just made everything better.  Her presence had been a welcome comfort in their home, and with all of the changes with the adoption of Katie, having Carol around just seemed to bring a balance to his world. 

“Can’t blame a man for tryin’.”

“No, I sure can’t.”  She smiled then, closing her eyes as he pressed a soft kiss to her neck, sucking gently until her hand was moving up to tangle in his hair.  And it wasn’t long before getting up and leaving were the last things on her mind.

*~*~*~*

_It feels strange to be home.  After I lost Sophia, that first night without her asking me for a glass of water and a story before bed seemed to be never-ending.  And that first day after my hospital stay was like visiting a mausoleum.  It was so quiet and still and felt like a memorial to my little girl.  All of the pictures on the wall seemed to taunt me, to remind me of what I had and would never have again._

_But somehow, time has made it easier to walk through that door, and I seek solace there.  Being at Daryl’s was wonderful, and it brought me joy to spend time with Katie, and I feel a loss being here without them.  I know I’m becoming attached, but maybe that’s a good thing. I feel a sense of peace when I’m with them, as if something is right in the world.  But I still feel that things are moving too fast, and I couldn’t take it if anyone got hurt.  I don’t want to hurt, and I don’t want to hurt him.  But if Katie were the one to get hurt because of us, I don’t know what I’d do._

An icon in the corner of her computer screen flickered, and she realized she had an incoming message from one of her social media pages.  This was how she was getting messages until she replaced her phone.  Tomorrow, Daryl was going to take her to look at cars.  She had far too many things on her list of things to do since the accident, but she was sleepy and missing him, and that brief flicker hinting at a new message was enough to get her heart racing and the smile widening on her face.

_Hey, you busy?_

_Oh, yeah_ , she replied back, _I’m such a party animal.  You know me._

_Katie misses you._

_Oh, fine.  Use the kid as an excuse.  ;)_

_Alright, alright.  I miss you.  Katie misses you, of course, but I mean, she’s a toddler.  She’ll be alright.  But I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep tonight._

_Poor baby._

_I know.  And this morning was great.  I mean, I don’t know how waking up alone can top morning sex or morning shower sex or morning oral sex after all the other sex._

_Ok, now you’re starting to make me miss you.  ;)  Just kidding.  I do miss you.  But I promise this is good.  I don’t want to wear out my welcome._

_Not possible.  You’re always welcome, and you know it._

_You’re sweet.  Thank you for taking such good care of me._

_Hey, having you at the house was the best thing that’s happened to me and Katie for a while.  Of course it sucks about the accident, but having you there…it just felt right.  Sorry if that’s too much, but I just wanted to you to know._

_It’s not too much.  And I loved being there with the both of you.  It’s just moving so fast.  And I don’t want either of us to get…confused._

_Confused about what?_

Carol chewed her lip for a moment.  Yeah.  Confused about what?  She sighed and began to type again.

_When this baby’s born, it’s just going to be me.  Do you think you might feel differently._

_You’re asking me that now?  You know I won’t.  My head’s clear.  I know what’s happening.  I know what I want._

_Daryl…you say that now._

_You think I’m gonna change my mind?_

_Well, no…_

_You gotta trust me.  I’ve never felt like this.  This is new.  But it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt.  I never that being my friends’ sperm donor would lead me to someone like you.  And that’s all I’m gonna say.  The rest of it, I’m gonna say in person, because I want you to hear it from me._

_Daryl…I don’t know what to say._

_You don’t have to say anything.  Just know that I mean what I say when I tell you I care about you.  It’s getting late.  You should get some rest.  I’ll pick you up early tomorrow, and we’ll go check out cars.  Sound good?_

_It’s a date.  ;)_

_That mean I get to feel you up after?_

_Oh, shut up.  ;)  G’night._

_Night, Carol._

Carol closed her laptop and couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face.  Though as she turned to start up to her room, she couldn’t help but feel her heart sink.  Daryl was right.  Waking up in the morning would pale in comparison to waking up in his arms, inhaling the scent of his skin, feel his hands and mouth on her, tasting the salt of his skin and feeling the warmth of his breath against her neck.  She was falling, and she was beginning to understand that something that felt so good could also hurt more than words could say.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

_Nine weeks.  Apparently, I have an aversion to anything with eggs now.  I found out the hard way this morning, and the look on Daryl’s face the moment I bolted for the bathroom was priceless.  I had to assure him that it really wasn’t his cooking.  As much as he jokes about being a bad cook, he really can cook when he tries._

_I definitely have a belly.  It’s small but it’s there.  I feel like you must be growing so fast, but according to the baby books, you’re only about the size of an olive.  I was going through the journal I kept when I was pregnant with Sophia, and apparently around nine weeks, I had a similar aversion to eggs, but nothing as bad as what happened this morning at breakfast.  I don’t remember having morning sickness nearly as badly with her.  Maybe that means you are a boy._

_I went to another appointment last night with the surrogacy counselor.  Dr. Reed is wonderful, and she’s really great to talk to.  Sometimes, I think about what will happen when you’re born, and while it makes me happy to know Aaron and Eric will finally have the baby they’ve been hoping for, it still breaks my heart to think of not seeing you every day.  I’m already so used to knowing you are safe and sound inside of me, and the moment you’re here, everything will change, and I know that.  I expect that.  But it still makes my heart ache.  And I know why.  Relationships change things.  But know this.  You are getting two of the best guys in the world as your dads, and you are going to be one happy, lucky kid.  I can’t wait to see them hold you for the first time._

Carol saved the document and clicked into another window, pulling up the file for _Heart Song._ She couldn’t believe she’d already written so much about her experience as a surrogate in a more modern situation.  Much of it had become stream of consciousness after a counseling session with Dr. Reed, but a lot of it was simply the day-to-day emotions and the struggle to heal from her own daughter’s passing.

Sophia had been her motivation.  Her light.  When she’d died, the light in Carol’s life had dimmed to almost nothing.  And somehow she’d found a light, a reason to go on, and having this baby was proof that this world was worth living in. 

She remembered Aaron and Eric’s reservations, the worries for her own health considering her own dark turn not long after Sophia’s passing.  But she didn’t regret a moment.  She would see Daryl look at her once in a while, as if wondering if she was alright.  Oh, if he’d only known how dark her life had truly gotten, she was certain he’d be far more concerned than he already was.

And sometimes she wondered if she was being fair to him by keeping that part of her past a secret.  She’d nearly ended her own life.  If it hadn’t been for Michonne calling 911 or for Aaron and Eric being there to bring her back to some likeness of her former self, this baby wouldn’t be on the way.  She would have never met Daryl.  She would have never had that beautiful opportunity to feel her own pulse flourish and her own flesh warm with just a graze of his hand over her cheek or the brush of his lips upon hers. 

She was thankful. Each morning, she woke with a purpose: to protect this little life until it was ready to be born.  But she was also thankful for Daryl’s presence in her life, something that hadn’t diminished since she’s moved back home.  If anything, the nights apart made the nights they spent together all the more meaningful, all the more passionate.  She was in love with him.  She had no doubt.  But she had never counted on it.  She’d never counted on falling in love with the man who’s child she was carrying for their mutual best friends.  It was something that often kept her awake at night

Just as she was about to start writing again, a knock came to her door.  She frowned, glancing at the clock.  It was nearly midnight, and though she had two glorious days off to look forward to, she knew she needed to be sleeping.

But she also knew that knock.  Three quick taps.  It was always him.  She smiled, pushing back her desk chair and hurrying out of the den and into the hall.  He was standing at the door with a bouquet of pretty flowers and a box of chocolates.

“What’s this?” she asked with a grin, leaning against the door frame, peering at him from behind the screen door.

“Flowers and candy.  Just my way of sayin’ sorry for makin’ ya throw up this mornin’.”

“Oh,” she chuckled.  “You have nothing to apologize for, but I’ll accept the gesture.”  She grinned, pushing open the door and letting him in, taking the bouquet and the candy.  He greeted her with a sweet peck on the lips before following her into the kitchen, where she promptly put the flowers in a small vase and added water.  “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”

“Got somethin’ to celebrate, and there ain’t nobody else I’d rather do that with than you.”  Carol felt her heart flutter and her cheeks flush with warmth. 

“Where’s Katie?” she asked.

“Andrea’s folks are in town again.  They wanted her for the night, and she was excited to tell them all about you.”

“Oh,” Carol blushed.  “She’s so sweet.”

“Yeah,” Daryl said with a nod, clearing his throat and turning to grab a beer out of the fridge.  Despite the fact that she couldn’t drink, she made sure to keep a few beers around for occasions such as this.  She liked that he felt at home enough to just grab a beer.  She watched him as he popped off the cap and took a long swig.  A little smile pulled at the corner of her mouth, and she cocked her head to the side.

“So, we’re celebrating?”

“Mmm,” he murmured, swallowing down another swig.  “Got a promotion?”

“You did?” Carol asked, eyes wide.  “Daryl, congratulations! What’s the promotion?”

“Crew supervisor.  Gonna still have the same hours, but I’ll be leadin’ the crew, makin’ schedules.  That sorta thing.  Gettin’ three dollars more on the hour.”

“Daryl, that’s great!”  Carol wrapped her arms around his neck, and he put his beer aside, bringing his hands to her hips as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him briefly.  He smiled down at her when she stepped back, and he tilted her chin and leaned down to kiss her again, slowly and softly, lingering until she hummed softly against his mouth.  “I’m proud of you.”

“Feels good,” he said with a nod.  “Never know, I might just end up takin’ my boss’ spot when he leaves in a few months.  I could make my own hours, call the shots, barely even get my hands dirty.”

“Yeah, but you’d be bored, and you know it,” Carol chuckled. 

“You’re right about that.  Gotta keep my hands busy.”  He gave her hips a squeeze.

“So,” Carol said with a grin, as Daryl promptly lifted her up to sit on the counter, spreading her legs so he could stand between them, “is this celebration gonna stay here in the kitchen or…?”

“Thought we might take it to the bedroom.  You know, it’s cozier in there.”  Carol snorted, as Daryl’s fingers played with the drawstring of her sweat pants. 

“Yeah, I know it’s not exactly Victoria’s Secret, but in my defense, I wasn’t expecting you,” she pouted.  He leaned in to catch her protruding lip between his, and she giggled as his hands skimmed under her shirt and over her barely-there bump.  “Besides, it’s the most comfortable pair of pants I own.”

“Don’t care what ya wear,” he murmured.  “Ain’t comin’ to see your clothes.  Comin’ to see you get out ‘em.”  He tugged at the string, and it gave without a struggle.  Carol sighed softly, arching her neck back a little.  When she shifted, he could see the hard peaks of her nipples pressing against the fabric of her shirt.  She watched the realization play over his face, watched his nostrils flare and his eyes darken the moment before he leaned in to press his lips against the pulse at her neck. 

Her heart skipped a beat the moment his hand was at the back of her neck, a feather-light touch with calloused fingertips.  She  bit her lip, moaning at the pressure on her neck as he sucked there.

“You marking me?” she asked with a chuckle, as he growled against her.  “That how it’s gonna be tonight?”

“Mmm,” he grunted, moving his hands to her thighs, gripping her firmly as he pulled her close, sliding her off the counter while her legs twined around his waist.  His fingers dug into her hips, and she moaned when he dragged them down the flesh of her thighs, pulling the waist of her sweat pants down as far as he could with her legs wrapped around him.  He was carrying her then, and the next thing Carol knew, they were in her room, and her toes were digging into the carpet as he tugged her shirt over her head and kicked his own shoes off at the same time.  She grinned, watching him take a step back to take his pants off, hopping on one leg as he struggled with the last leg and his socks in eager anticipation.   “What’s so funny?  You’re next, ya know?”

“Oh, I’m already ahead of you,” she grinned, making a brief but sexy show of wiggling out of her sweats and tossing it into the small pile with her shirt.  And that was it.  He paused in front of her, taking in the sight of her beautiful face, the way she bit her lip, the way her nipples stiffened in the cool air of the bedroom, the way her stomach curved out slightly, the way her creamy skin pebbled with goose bumps, partially from the cool, partially from the way he was staring at her like a starving man. 

It really shouldn’t have been a surprise how hungry for one another they’d been.  She remembered constantly being in the mood in the early months of her pregnancy with Sophia.  But Daryl?  Daryl seemed to be insatiable.  Sometimes, just watching TV together, she could give him the look and he’d be hard within moments.  Sometimes it was a touch.  Sometimes, she’d be doing dishes, and he’d come up to her from behind, kissing her neck and pressing against her.  It felt good to feel wanted, to feel desired.  And she hadn’t ever had a man look at her the way Daryl Dixon did.  And she’d turned heads before marrying Ed.  She remembered the catcalls.  But something about the way Daryl looked at her made her feel sexy, made her feel beautiful.  Even being pregnant and _feeling_ pregnant, she could see just how much he wanted her, and it was erotic and heart-warming at the same time.

When he stepped up to her and brought her in close, hands moving up her shoulders and gliding over her neck, cradling her face as he leaned down to kiss her, she slid her hands up his chest and wrapped herself around him, letting him walk her back to the bed, letting him lay her down, letting him crawl between her legs.

Her fingers twisted into the sheets.  He wasted no time.  The man had a gift, and at the first pass of his breath over her trembling thigh, she was thankful he so willingly shared that gift with her.

She arched back as he tasted her, taking his time teasing her with his lips and tongue, the heat from his breath making for a dangerous combination.

She sighed then, lips parting as her tongue swept over them.  She could still taste him there.  She closed her eyes and her thighs tightened around his head, but he didn’t stop.  He teased her sensitive folds, brought his hand between her thighs and stroked her until she was absolutely soaking, ready for him, stomach hitching with each staggered breath as her hands reached for him, grabbing at his shoulders to pull him up.  He knew what she needed, and he was more than happy to give it to her.

He kissed her then, long and deep, and she could taste herself on his tongue.  She clung to him, nails biting into his skin as he pushed into her.  She gasped softly, legs tightening around him as he sunk in deeper and bit down gently against her shoulder at the same time. 

His name left her lips in moments, and he grabbed her behind the knees, pulling her closer, pushing deeper, fighting for air as her walls squeezed around him.  He could feel her heartbeat, feel the way her body trembled and jerked, the way her hands were soft against his back before her nails would sting his skin.   

And he held out for her, rocked against her until he felt her body tense and heard the cry leave her lips.  And then he let go, resting his forehead against her shoulder as her hands soothed over his back and shoulders, and her breath and whispered words echoed in his ears.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

“Daryl?”  She gently shook his shoulder, turning in his arms to gently pat his cheek.  His fingers flexed at her naked hip, finding purchase as he startled from his sleep.  “Daryl?”

“Hmm?”

“Your phone,” she murmured sleepily, burying her face against his neck and sighing as he stretched and yawned and reached over to grab his phone off of her nightstand.  She was half-asleep still, and he gently stroked her hip and side as he fumbled with his free hand to answer the call.

“’Lo?”  His voice broke, and he cleared his throat.  He tensed, and Carol felt it.  She shifted, pulling away from him and sitting up to turn the light on.  She pulled the sheet up around her and watched as Daryl ran a hand over his face and fought to rub the sleep from his eyes.  “What happened?  She ok?”  Carol felt her stomach drop, and she put a hand over her heart, feeling a phantom pain in her chest, reliving the moment she learned the news that Sophia was gone.  “Nora.  Nora, I’ll be right there.  Yeah.  Alright.  Gimme fifteen minutes.  I’ll be there.  What?”  He paused for a moment, furrowing his brows and pinching the bridge of his nose.  “I’ll explain it when I get there.  Ok?  Yeah.  Alright.” He ended the call and cleared his throat, pulling himself out of bed and searching for his clothes.  He glanced at her as she sat in the middle of the bed, eyes fixed on his.

“She ok?”

“Yeah, she’s ok,” he said with a little nod.  “She scared the hell outta Nora and Jack though.  Had a bad dream and woke up cryin’.”

“Oh, poor thing,” Carol said softly. 

“M’sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.  Katie comes first,” Carol insisted.  Daryl paused for a moment.

“She was cryin’ for you.”  He swallowed hard.  “Would you come with me?”  Carol paused for a moment, chewing her lip as Daryl zipped up his pants and sat down on the end of the bed to pull on his shoes.  He felt the bed shift behind him, and then he felt her arms circle his chest from behind.  She pressed a soft kiss against the back of his shoulder.

“You sure?” she asked gently.  He turned his head to try to see her over his shoulder, but she propped her chin on his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

“Sure I am,” he said quietly.  “You’re part of my life, and if I’m gonna adopt Katie, I want her grandparents to know ya.”  Carol leaned forward enough that when he turned his head again, she kissed him softly on the lips. 

“You’re sweet.”

“Yeah, ya keep sayin’ that,” he chuckled.  “Will you come with me?”  He took her hand in his, pressing it against his chest, and she sighed.  How could she say no?

“Let me find something to wear.”  She kissed him again, and then she scrambled off the bed and made her way across the room to pick out something that didn’t scream “I’ve been having sex all night and grabbed the first thing I could find.”

Daryl found his shirt and tugged it over his head, running his fingers through his hair before he got up to go to the bathroom.  Just as Carol was starting down the hall to the living room, she caught sight of one of Katie’s dolls pushed under a small table in the hall.  Frowning, Carol bent down to get it, noting it was one of Katie’s favorites.

“How’d that get here?” she mumbled to herself, just as Daryl came out of the hall, pocketing his keys and wallet. 

“What’s up?”

“Katie must have forgot this the other night.  I’ll take it to her.”

“Huh,” Daryl said, furrowing his brows.  “It’s her favorite.  Can’t believe she forgot it.  She’s been clingin’ to this one a lot since…”  He cleared his throat and didn’t finish the sentence, but Carol knew.  The little girl wasn’t dealing with Carol’s return back home as well as they’d thought.  Carol felt a little tug of guilt in her heart, but she tucked the doll under her arm and grabbed her purse.

“Well, I better make sure she gets it back.”

*~*~*~*

Carol took a shaky breath and pursed her lips to let it out slowly.  Daryl must have sensed her anxiety, because he slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Sure I’m sure.  If you don’t wanna come, you don’t have to.  You can wait in the hall.”

“No, Katie’s asking for me.  I’ll go,” she promised.  She took another deep breath, and Daryl squeezed her hand again. 

“Jack and Nora are pretty nice folks.  Katie’s their only granddaughter, so they’re pretty protective.”  Carol nodded at that.

“I understand,” Carol said with a little smile.  “She’s all they have left of their daughter.” 

The elevator slowed and halted, and the doors slid open.  Daryl tapped out a quick text, and as they headed down one of the long corridors, a door opened several feet ahead.  An older gentleman poked his head out, and he beckoned them with a wave of his hand.   Daryl nodded in his direction, and Carol quickly slipped her hand from his.  He glanced at her for a moment, but she had already occupied that hand by clutching her purse, the leather of the straps squeaking as she rolled them with her fingers.

But there was no time to think too much on it, as the older man stepped out of the way and ushered them into the room. 

“How is she?” Daryl asked quietly, hearing soft tones coming from the adjoining suite.  Katie wasn’t crying, but it sounded like her grandmother had calmed her down quite a bit.

“She’s doing a bit better,” Jack murmured wearily, rubbing a hand over his tired face and taking a deep breath.  He extended that hand out to Carol, and she took it, giving it a little shake.

“I’m Jack Harrison.”

“I’m Carol Peletier.”

“So, you’re Carol,” Jack said with a little nod.  “Katie’s been talking about you like crazy.”  Carol smiled a little, but her jaw tensed, and she glanced at Daryl before re-focusing on Jack.  “Daryl’s told us, well, nothing about you.  We didn’t even know he was seeing anyone.”  Carol noticed Daryl shifting anxiously next to her.

“Well, things are a little new.  It’s a complicated situation,” Carol said quietly.

“And the only time you and Nora ever call is when you wanna see Katie, so I ain’t really had much of a chance, y’know?”

“Don’t worry.  I understand, but Nora may not,” Jack pointed out.  He cleared his throat and glanced at Carol.  “She’s very protective of Katie and who she spends her time with.  She’s having a hard time right now.  Andrea’s birthday is next week, and I’m trying to take her mind off of it.  We’re flying out to California at the end of the week.  She’s always wanted to see the other coast.” 

The door to the other suite cracked open, and Nora came out, peeking over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.  All eyes turned to her, and she glanced to her husband and then to Daryl before setting her sights on Carol.

“You must be Carol,” she said, her voice low and a little tight, her eyes brimmed with red.

“Yes,” Carol said with a little nod and a warm but empathetic smile.  “I’m Carol.”  Carol opened up her purse and pulled out Katie’s doll.  Nora’s gaze shifted to that, and she gave Carol a tight-lipped smile. 

“She’s feeling better now,” Nora said with a nod.  “But I’m sure she’d be happy to see you.” 

“You want to go in first?” Carol asked softly, glancing up at Daryl.

“I’ll be there in a minute.  Go on in.”  Carol nodded then and watched the way his gaze fixed on Nora.  She saw his jaw tighten, as if he was preparing himself for the worst, and she wanted to comfort him, but in all honesty, she didn’t know how.  Daryl had been tiptoeing around everything when it came to Jack and Nora just to keep the peace and keep things calm for Katie’s sake.  But given Nora’s clearly-emotional state, there was a good chance that things might get heated. 

But Carol went on into the adjoining suite, leaving Daryl with Nora and Jack.

Katie was sitting up in her bed, her pretty blonde hair a mess from sleep, her cheeks and nose and eyes brimmed with red, her second-favorite doll clutched to her chest.  Carol was struck with the memory of going to Sophia’s room in the middle of the night and finding her in just such a state. 

The second Katie saw Carol, her eyes widened, and she bounded out of bed and rushed across the room.

“Carol!  You came! You came!”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Carol murmured, picking up the girl and holding her close.  “Are you alright?”

“I had a bad dream.  I dreamed you went away forever.”  The little girl buried her face against Carol’s neck and hugged her tight.  Carol swallowed back the urge to cry and held the girl close, rubbing her back and rocking with her. 

“I’m right here, sweetheart.  And look.”  Katie pulled back a little so Carol could hand her the doll.  “You must have left it when you were visiting the other day.”  Katie took the doll and hugged it for a moment before she dropped it and hugged Carol even harder.  Carol moved to sit in a chair next to the bed, and she shifted Katie so the little girl could sit on her lap. 

“Can I come home with you?” Katie asked.

“Oh, sweetheart.  Your grandma and grandpa are visiting.  They want to spend time with you.”

“Grandma’s sad,” Katie said softly, sniffling and wiping at her nose.  “I don’t like her to be sad.”

“Oh, she’s just missing your mama,” Carol said softly, stroking the little girl’s hair.

“I don’t remember my mama.”  Katie sighed and wiped at her face again.  “And daddy’s gone.” 

“Your daddy loves you.  You know that, right?  He just can’t be here right now.  But you have all sorts of people who love you so much.  Your grandma and grandpa, your uncle Daryl.”  She kissed the top of Katie’s head.  “And me.”

“Carol?” Katie sniffled.

“Hmm?”

“You could be my mama.  You could come live with us again.”

“Oh, Katie,” Carol sighed, feeling her own eyes brimming with tears as her heart began to break.  “It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” Katie asked, her big, bright eyes sparkling with tears.  “Don’t you like us?”

“Oh,” Carol chuckled, “of course I do.  But I have my own house.”

“You could live with us.  Uncle Daryl misses you, too.”  She crooked her finger and beckoned Carol to lean in.  She cupped her warm little hand around Carol’s ear and leaned in to whisper.  “Uncle Daryl told me he loves you.”

“Oh, he did?” Carol asked.

“But he told me not to say nothin’.”

“Oh, well, that’ll be our little secret then,” Carol chuckled, patting Katie atop the head.  Considering she and Daryl hadn’t even said those things to one another yet, keeping that just between her and Katie was probably the best thing to do.

“Do you love him?” Katie asked, blinking up at her hopefully.  Carol just smiled and relaxed against the chair.  But just as she went to open her mouth to speak, she heard what sounded like a woman crying in the other room.  Katie didn’t seem to notice, as the noise quieted quickly, but she stood up, taking Katie back to the bed and tucking her in under the covers.

“I’ll send Uncle Daryl in soon, ok?”

“Ok,” Katie yawned, as Carol tucked both of the dolls under the covers with the child.  But just as Carol was standing to leave, the door opened, and Daryl stepped in.  He looked tense and worried, but the second he saw Katie, his expression changed.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Uncle Daryl,” Katie grinned.

“Hey.  You ok?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You wanna come home with me tonight?”  Katie glanced up at Carol before looking to Daryl and shaking her head.

“Grandma and Grandpa wanna spend time with me.”  She was matter-of-fact, and Daryl chuckled.

“Alright, kiddo.  You got your doll back?”

“Uh-huh.  Carol gave her to me.”  Carol stepped over and brushed Daryl’s arm gently with her hand. 

“I’m going to use the restroom.  You two behave.”  Daryl nodded then, taking her hand for a brief moment and giving it a squeeze.  She stepped out of the room to give Daryl a few minutes with his niece, and just as she closed the door, she spotted the hotel bathroom across the room.  “Do you mind if I use your bathroom?”

“Not at all,” Jack said quietly, waving in that general direction.  Carol nodded her thanks, and she went inside.  She took a few minutes to calm her breathing, to think of everything Katie had said and of how Daryl had looked after he’d been with Jack and Nora alone for a few minutes. 

Katie was happy with Daryl, despite her episode tonight.  She was a happy child, and that was clear to Carol from all the time they’d spent together.  And at first, she’d worried that Katie’s nightmare would convince them to step in and try to take control, but now that wasn’t what had her worried.  Katie had become attached to her.  More attached than she figured Katie’s mother’s parents would appreciate considering she and Daryl hadn’t really been together for all that long.  It worried her for Katie and for Daryl, because the last thing she wanted to do was get in the way of him adopting her and giving her a bit of certainty in her life.

She quickly finished up and washed her hands before toweling them off and stepping back into the hall with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.  Nora was the first to look her way, eyes still brimmed red, cheeks streaked with drying tears. Carol managed a small smile when they made eye contact, but Nora quickly looked away.  Carol felt her throat tighten slightly, but she felt better when she was back at Daryl’s side.

“Thank you for bringing Katie’s doll,” Jack said with a warm smile. 

“She’s doin’ better now.  Said she wants to stay the rest of the night.  You sure you don’t need me to take her home?”

“It looks like you already have plans,” Nora said quietly.  “And we’d rather have Katie here since we’re only in town for a few days.  We don’t see her very often.  You understand, of course.”

“Sure,” Daryl said quietly, and despite his efforts to keep his voice even and light, Carol could still hear the tension straining on his every word.  “We’ll let you get back to sleep.  You need anything, just call me.”  Nora managed a tight smile before Jack patted him on the shoulder.

“Thank you, Daryl.  Sorry to wake you up at this hour.”

“No, m’glad ya did.  If Katie needs me, I wanna be here.” 

“Only, it wasn’t _you_ that she needed,” Nora replied, glancing at Carol, who felt the weight of those words.  Jack cleared his throat and stepped in.

“Carol, it was nice to meet you.  Thank you for coming out and helping with Katie.  She sure is fond of you.”

“Katie’s a very special little girl,” Carol replied with a smile and a soft sight.  She looked at Daryl, who gave her a gentle nod of thanks before he took her hand. 

“We best get goin’.  I’ll pick Katie up tomorrow night like we planned?”

“Oh, we’ll drop her off.  We thought about taking her to the zoo tomorrow afternoon,” Jack offered.  “If that’s alright.”

“Nah, Katie loves the zoo.  Just call when you’re on your way?”

“Sure thing,” Jack agreed, walking the two of them out into the hall.  He shut the door, leaving Nora inside with Katie.  “Daryl, I’m sorry for my wife’s behavior.”

“You don’t gotta apologize.”

“She’s really trying to be better, but this time of year is just…very hard on her.”

“I get it,” Daryl promised, giving Carol’s hand a squeeze.  “She lost her daughter.  Can’t be easy.”  Jack shook his head before reaching out for Daryl’s hand.  The men shook hands, and Carol watched as Jack pulled away and bowed his head.

“Katie is such a joy,” Jack said quietly.  “She reminds me so much of her mother when she was that age.”  And with that, he retreated back to the hotel room, leaving Carol and Daryl out in the hall alone.  Daryl let out a breath that it seemed like he’d been holding forever.

“What happened in there?” she asked quietly, as they started toward the elevator.

“I’m not sure,” he said quietly, clearing his throat.   “I’ll just be glad when their visit’s over and things can go back to normal.”


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Trigger Warning:  This chapter discusses suicide attempts.

“You’re very quiet today.  Is there something bothering you?” Dr. Jacqui Reed asked, as Carol fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, tugging it down  and shifting in her seat.  “You know, you can talk to me about anything.  It doesn’t have to be about the pregnancy or the surrogacy.  We’ve been here ten minutes, and you really haven’t said much of anything.”  Carol looked up at the doctor and placed her hands flat in her lap.  She chewed at her lip for a moment before she finally parted her lips to speak.

“I tried to kill myself.”

“After your daughter’s death,” Dr. Reed said quietly.  “Yes, we talked about that last week.  And we can talk about it this week. As much as you need.” 

“I tried to kill myself.  I lost my daughter.  I got divorced.  This isn’t who I thought I’d be.”  She smiled a  sad little smile.  “When we’re little, adults tell us that we can do anything.  We can be anything.  And then we grow up and realize that’s all a lie.  We _can_ do anything, but there are always roadblocks, and sometimes we give up and stop reaching, because it hurts too much, and it feels impossible.”  She shook her head.  “There was a time when I think I really wanted to die.  I just wanted the pain to end.  But now?  Now I’m finally happy.  I have Daryl, and I find myself falling more in love with him every day.”

“Have you told him that?”

“Have we actually said the words?  No.  But I feel it,” Carol said quietly.  “I think he feels it, too.”

“What’s stopping you from telling him?” Dr. Reed asked, putting her pen down on her notepad and folding her hands in front of her on the desk.

“It was so easy,” Carol said quietly.  “We clicked instantly.  And Katie…”

“His niece?”

“Katie just lights up the room when she walks in.  She reminds me so much of Sophia, and it breaks my heart sometimes.  But she smiles and laughs and I remember how good it felt to hear Sophia laughing.”  Carol’s smile slowly faded, and Dr. Reed eyed her.

“You’re afraid to get close to Katie.”

“It’s too late for that,” Carol said quietly, tapping her fingertips against her knee.  “She’s pretty much got me wrapped around her little finger.  She has that effect on most people.”  Carol shook her head.  “I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“You’re afraid that if things go south between you and Daryl that Katie will be stuck in the middle and suffer as a result?”

“Well, that would figure on anyone’s mind going into a relationship where someone has a child, wouldn’t it?” Carol asked, shaking her head.  “No, it’s more than that.”

“Go on.”

“I don’t…I don’t want to get in the way.  Katie’s whole world has been turned upside down more than once.  Daryl’s in the process of adopting her.  He’s got a home visit coming up, and things are good.  I just…I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I feel like it’s coming, and I can’t help but feel like it’s too good to be true.”

*~*~*~*

_“You need to tell him.  I think it’s time.  It sounds like this relationship is getting pretty serious.”_

_“How do I tell him?”_

_“If he cares for you as much as you care for him, it doesn’t matter how you tell him.  It’s the past, and it seems like he’s looking toward the future.  Maybe it’s time you try to do the same thing.”_

Carol tensed when she heard Katie’s bedroom door click shut.  Daryl had been trying to get the girl to go to sleep for the past forty five minutes, but it had been a long battle of potty breaks and sips of water and ‘just another bedtime story, pweeeeeeease?’ 

He grinned when he slumped down onto the couch and curled his arms around Carol’s shoulders.

“She’s finally out.  She’s gettin’ good at avoidin’ bedtime.”  Daryl gently rubbed his hand along Carol’s shoulder, and when she didn’t relax, he eyed her.  “You ok?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, giving him a little nod and leaning over to gently kiss him.  When she pulled away, she sighed and looked down, and he turned a little on the couch, taking his arm from around her shoulders and holding her hand instead.  He gently rubbed his calloused thumb over the ridge of her knuckles, and she could feel his gaze searching her face, willing her to look at him.  When she finally looked up at him, a little smile curled at the corner of his lips. 

“Talk to me.”

“I guess it’s time,” she said quietly, shivering a little as the nerves began to coil in her stomach.  Daryl could sense her tensing up, and he shifted to sit back on the couch, patting the cushion between his legs.  She scooted back , resting between his legs with her back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her middle and kissed the back of her neck.  “Remember me telling you on the phone the night of my accident about how I hated hospitals?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m ready to tell you why.”  Daryl nodded then, resting his chin against her shoulder as she bowed her head and took a deep breath. 

“Take your time,” he said quietly, giving her forearm a squeeze.

“When Sophia died, I nearly died,” she said softly.  “I was pretty much floating through the funeral arrangements and her funeral.  They had me so drugged up that there are some things I just can’t remember.  They had me on sedatives, and I can remember Aaron pretty much holding me up during the viewing hours.  When the tears stopped, I was just empty.”

“Can’t imagine what that’d be like.”  He kissed the side of her neck then, and she leaned into him, sighing as she felt her tension melting away. 

“I vaguely remember getting drunk and calling Ed and begging him to come over and spend the night with me, because I needed to feel something.”  She shook her head.  “Thankfully, he didn’t take me up on that.  I was so angry.  Until I wasn’t.  I just remember waking up and feeling like ‘what’s the point?’  The only thing I could feel was pain.  I just wanted to see my baby again.  And I didn’t want to live in a world without her.” 

She took a deep breath and felt his hands gently rubbing over her arms, protecting her, loving her. 

“I took a handful of pills, and apparently I wrote a suicide note.  Michonne found it.  She found me.  If she hadn’t, I’d be dead.  I wanted to die.  I wanted it to be over.”  She took a shaky breath and turned in his arms, searching his eyes, seeing the pain there in his eyes as if he’d experienced it himself.  “I woke up in the hospital a few days later.  I had Aaron and Andrew, and I got closer to Michonne, and if it hadn’t been for them and some pretty intense counseling, I probably wouldn’t be here today.”  She lowered her gaze, watching as he swallowed and brought his hand up to brush over her cheek.  She leaned into the touch, closing her eyes as he lifted her face, a gentle urging for her to meet his gaze. 

“You survived,” he said softly.  She nodded a little and sniffled, managing a weak smile. 

“I gave up, Daryl,” she said quietly.  “I just wanted it over.  The minute I swallowed those pills, I felt like everything was going to be ok.  I stopped living then.  And I just…I made a choice.”  She sniffled.  “I made the wrong choice, and if it hadn’t been for my friends…”

“Hey,” he murmured, gently wiping at her eyes as he gathered her close and pulled her to lie against him.  “You don’t wanna die.”

“No,” she whispered.  “I survived.  I got through it.  And I woke up one day, and I knew I could do something good.  And that’s when I knew I could do this.  I felt strong then.  I felt so strong, and I lost sleep thinking about it.  I went to counseling, and I got better, and I knew I could do this, because I survived the worst days of my life.  If I could get through that, I could do anything.”  She sighed softly, as Daryl leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.  When he pulled back, he ran his thumb over her lower lip.

“I never told nobody this.  Not even Merle.  I was sixteen, and Merle was gone.  Hadn’t heard from him in months.  My folks were fightin’ and usin’ and drinkin’, and even my mama was screamin’ at me.  She was outta her head, didn’t know what she was sayin’, but the things she said.”  He shook his head.  “Kept to myself most days, but one night, she came at me, came tryin’ to hit me, and I knew she didn’t mean it.  I fought her off.  I left, just slept in the woods that night, and when I came home the next mornin’, she was half-dead.  He almost killed her.  First thing she said when she came to at the hospital was that I shoulda been there.  I was supposed to stand up for him.  It was the drugs talkin’.  I know that now, but back then?”  He shook his head.  “Went home and found my daddy’s shotgun. Wanted to find him and put a bullet in his belly, but I knew if I did that, she’d blame me.  She’d say it was my fault.  And all I could think about was how she’d hate me if I did.  And I kept seein’ her layin’ there half dead and askin’ me why I didn’t stop him.  And I couldn’t stand it. Put the barrel in my mouth, thought about pullin’ the trigger.”

“What stopped you?” she asked softly.

“Sheriff knocked on the door, said he found my daddy and took him in.  Told me I better get up there and drive his drunk ass home.”  Daryl snorted and shook his head.  “And I white-knuckled the steering wheel the whole way there, thinkin’ how I almost done myself in.”  He swallowed hard.  “I wasn’t gonna let that son of a bitch win.  By the time school came around, I just kept my head down, got through it until I was old enough to get out.”

“You survived,” she whispered, gently running her thumb over his jaw line.

“I survived.  Found a reason.  Survive and get the hell out.  And I did.”  He leaned in to kiss her softly.  “And I think now I never woulda pulled that trigger, ‘cause deep down I knew that somethin’ better was comin’.  And it did.”  Carol gasped softly then, and Daryl’s lips pulled back in a little grin.  “I love you.”  He leaned in, one hand gentle against the back of her neck, the other threading through her hair as he pulled her in close.  His lips were soft and sweet against hers, and in no time, she was kissing him back, throat tight as she forced back the urge to cry.  But it didn’t matter, because when she pulled back, he was wiping the tears from her eyes, and she chuckled softly, resting her forehead against his. 

“I love you, too.”


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

_Twelve weeks.  We saw you today!  Imagine a tiny room with three grown men, a doctor and me on a table.  I swear there was so much love in that room today.  We got to see your tiny little self, and I’m pretty sure you’ve got Daryl’s nose.  Don’t tell him I told you that, but I just know it.  Dr. Greene is scheduling me for an amniocentesis in about a month. I had one done with Sophia, and I feel comfortable getting one with you.  I just want to know that everything is alright, and even if everything isn’t alright, you’ll still be so loved.  Aaron and Eric have already told me that they don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl, if you are healthy or have needs.  They will love you no matter what.  Those are the kind of men your dads are, and I am so thankful for that._

_I took a nice drive down by the lake today.  Daryl helped me pick out a pretty reliable car, and I really love it.  It’s blue, and Daryl thinks it’s too small, but anything’s small compared to his truck.  Trust me, I’m sure you’ll be riding in the back of it along a country road some day.  That truck’s not going anywhere.  He treats it like a kid.  Maybe he’ll take you out for your first driving lessons in it.  Goodness knows your dads will be an absolute wreck.  Eric is a backseat driver, and Aaron gets claustrophobic in a traffic jam.  Have patience with them.  You might just inherit a little road rage from Daryl and the love of road trips from the both of us.  Just have patience.  You’ll have your own license before you know it._

Carol looked at the time on her laptop and took a sip of lemonade.  She’d been craving it lately, so she usually drove down to a little café about five minutes from the hospital on her lunch break.  She hadn’t had much of an appetite, but she’d managed to eat a sandwich for the sake of the baby.  That lemonade had tasted heavenly, and she was a little sad that it was gone.

“Top you off?” the kind waitress asked, stepping up with a sweating pitcher of the icy beverage. 

“Oh, no thank you.  I have to get back soon.”

“Alright, honey.  It’s over here on the counter if you change your mind.”

“Thanks,” Carol grinned, as the older lady walked away to help another patron.  She saved her file before closing her laptop and opening up her bag to stuff it inside.  Much to her surprise, the chair across from her seat at the table pulled out, and she looked up to see Nora Harrison sitting down across from her.  “Mrs. Harrison?”  She looked around.  “What…what are you doing here?”  Suddenly, a wave of fear washed over her, and she put her hand to her chest.  “Is it Katie?  Is she ok?”

“She’s fine.  Daryl doesn’t even know I’m in town.”

“Oh,” Carol said quietly.  “Alright.”

“I’m here to see you,” the woman continued.  “I thought we could have a little chat.”

“Well, that’s fine, but I have to get back to work,” Carol pointed out.  “I’m running a little late.”  Carol furrowed her brows.  “I’m sorry, but how did you know I was here?”

“Katie told me you work at a hospital for kids, and it didn’t take me long to look you up.  A lovely girl named Tara told me where to find you.”  Carol felt a cold bead of sweat run down the back of her neck.   Nora had a pleasant smile on her face, but something told her this visit would be anything _but_ pleasant.

“Alright,” Carol said quietly.  “What do you want to talk about?”  Carol tucked her computer bag under her arm and tried to relax in her seat despite the bundle of nerves jumping about in her stomach.  She cleared her throat and took a sip of the watered down lemonade at the bottom of her glass. 

 “My husband and I have done a lot of talking and a lot of thinking in the past couple weeks.  To say we were worried about Katie when we left would be an understatement.”

“Worried?” Carol asked, furrowing her brows.  “Why would you be worried?”

“We’ve never known her to have nightmares like that.  She woke up screaming and crying and asking for you.”

“She’s three.  She had a bad dream.  She’s used to me being there.”

“So you stay at Daryl’s a lot?”

“I had a car accident a little over a month ago.  I stayed at Daryl’s for a week or so to recover.  She got used to having me around.”

“But you aren’t staying there now?”

“No,” Carol replied, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.  “But I really don’t think that’s any of your business.  I mean no disrespect, Mrs. Harrison, but I don’t understand where you’re going with this.”

“My daughter was very special to me.  The day she died, a part of me went with her, I think.”  Carol felt her throat tighten, and she gripped the sides of her skirt to feel something than the sorrow that began to fill her heart.  “When she told me she was pregnant, my heart broke.  I thought her life was over.  I never approved of Merle.  I thought he was bad for her, and I stand by that.  I wanted to take Katie when she was born, and against my better judgment, I didn’t.  My husband talked me out of it and convinced me that Merle was her father, and she deserved to know her father.  After all, our relationship with Andrea was…strained at best after she left home.”

Carol watched as Nora folded her hands in front of her and looked down for a moment, as if remembering a particularly difficult moment. 

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Harrison.  I know what you’re going through.”

“How could you?” Nora asked.  “Have you ever begged your child to come home, to come to her senses?  Have you ever warned her that she was going to end of dead?  Have you ever held your newborn grandchild and looked down at her mother’s body and wondered how you could have changed it all?”

“No, ma’am.  I haven’t.  And I suppose I may never get the chance.”  She flinched as her eyes burned with the salt of her tears, and she swallowed through the tightness in her throat.  “What do you want to ask me?”

“We love Katie,” Nora murmured, blinking back her own tears.  “We want to give her a good life.  We can provide that.  And we don’t want to fight it out in court.  Daryl has done a good job with her, and we are so thankful.”  She paused and shook her head, sniffling.  “But he didn’t know Katie’s mother like we did.  And Merle isn’t going to be around.   Even he didn’t know her like we did.  She was a good kid.  Smart.  She was beautiful and popular, and the room just lit up when she walked in.  Katie’s got a bit of that charm already.”

“She does,” Carol said with a little smile.  “She’s very smart, and she’s very loving, and that’s because Daryl’s been there.  He’s taken such good care of her.”

“He has, and I won’t argue that.  But he can’t tell her about her mother.  He can’t remember those things for her.  And Jack and I won’t be here forever.  We want to raise her.  We want her to grow up surrounded by stories of her mother.  We want her to know that her mother was good, because I’m afraid…”

“You’re afraid she’ll think bad of her because of Merle?”  Nora nodded her head but didn’t speak.  “You don’t have to worry about that, Mrs. Harrison.  Katie talks about her mother a lot.  She has a little picture of her that she carries around.  She can’t remember her, but she loves her.  She’s so proud of her.  She showed me the picture when we’d barely just met.  That little girl can’t help the circumstances she was born into, but Daryl certainly isn’t going to keep her from knowing about her mother.”  Nora looked away then, and she finally pulled her purse into her lap and shuffled through it.  She pulled out a  thick, sealed envelope and put it on the table.  “What’s this?”

“Daryl’s family, but he’s not her father.  We appreciate everything he’s done for her, but we are more financially capable of caring for her.  Our daughter meant the world to us, and so does Katie.  Do you know what she talked about the entire time we had her?”  Carol shook her head.  “You.  She absolutely loves you, and I’m thankful you’ve been so good to my granddaughter.  But I was giving her her bath, and she asked me to read her a story.  I pulled her little book out, and she told me I wasn’t reading the story right.  She said her mama Carol does the voices.” 

“She said that?” Carol said softly, placing her hand over her heart.

“She did,” Nora said quietly. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Carol said softly, feeling her eyes welling with tears.  Katie had never called her that before and to think that she’d so easily said it during conversation with her grandmother made Carol’s heart swell.  But the look in Nora’s eyes made her heart want to break.  “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take Andrea’s place.  I could never.  I love Katie, Mrs. Harrison.  She’s very special to me, and I want you to know that it’s just as important to me as it is to you that Katie knows about her mother.  I would never take that away from her.  I couldn’t.”  She shook her head.  “And whatever happens with Daryl, I…Katie comes first.  And I know he feels the same.”  Nora looked down at the envelope in her hands, and she nodded, tucking it back into her purse.

“I have to do what I feel is best for my granddaughter.  Please tell Daryl that my lawyer will be contacting his.”

“Mrs. Harrison!” Carol begged, as Nora stood and slid her purse strap over her shoulder.  “You can’t do this.”

“I want to know my grandchild is safe, and I’m not so certain Merle Dixon won’t be a presence in her life down the road.  He’s a bad influence, and I’m not certain Daryl’s focus is directed solely on Katie right now.  I have to step in.”  She shook her head.  “I’m sorry.  I have no choice.  I need to do what’s best for Katie.”  She turned on her heel and left the diner, the little bell over the door ringing in Carol’s ears as she felt like the floor dropped out from under her.

She put her hand to her heart and gasped softly as a dizzying, sick feeling washed over her.  She grabbed her bag and rushed to  the counter, fumbling with a wad of bills to pay for lunch.  Then she was driving down Main Street, heart hammering in her chest as imagined Katie being taken from Daryl.  There was no pain like losing a child—permanently or otherwise—and she vowed in that moment that she would do whatever she had to do to make sure Katie stayed where she belonged.  With Daryl.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

“What’s wrong?”  He’d known, immediately, the second he’d heard her voice on the phone.  She’d asked him to stop by that evening after work, and as soon as he had care arranged for Katie, he’d showered, changed and headed over to see her.

Her eyes were red from crying, and the second the words left his mouth, her shoulders slumped and shook, and he pulled her into his arms.

“What happened?” he asked, stroking her back, feeling her body shaking against him as she fought to regain her composure. 

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled.  “I didn’t know how to tell you, and I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”  She wiped at her eyes, and Daryl leaned in to kiss her forehead.  “Andrea’s mother’s in town.”

“Nora?  I didn’t know.”

“She tracked me down and found me during my lunch break.”

“What?  Why?”  He sat down on the couch, and she joined him, running her fingers through her hair and sniffling as she blinked back tears.

“I think she was trying to get to you through me, and I just think I made it worse.”

“What happened?  Talk to me,” he said quietly, bringing his hand to her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“She sat down and wanted to talk to me, and she was so upset about Andrea.  She kept talking about how she didn’t want Katie to forget her and how she just wanted to give her the best life.  And she just poured her heart out to me and pulled out an envelope.”  She watched the mix of emotions change on Daryl’s face, and she sighed.  “She seems…uncomfortable with Katie getting so attached to me.  And she’s also worried about what kind of influence Merle will be if he decides to come back around.”  She shook her head.  “Daryl, I tried to talk to her.  I tried to convince her that Katie’s happy here and that you’re so good with her, but I think I just made it worse.  She told me to tell you that her lawyer’s going to contact yours.”

“Shit,” Daryl muttered, lowering his head and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Daryl.  I feel like this is my fault somehow.”

“Don’t.”  He shook his head.  “Ain’t your fault.  She’s just lookin’ for a reason, and now she’s goin’ through you to get to me.  I ain’t gonna let her do this.  She wants a fight, I’ll give her one.”

“Daryl, she seems pretty set on it,” Carol said quietly, reaching out to put her hand on his shoulder. 

“She can fight the adoption.  I’ll fight her right back.  Ain’t no good reason why I can’t adopt Katie.  Ain’t one at all.  Katie’s been with me since she was a baby, and there ain’t no reason to pull her outta her home now.”

“No there isn’t,” Carol said quietly.  “But Daryl, what if…”

“What if what?”

“She’s Katie’s grandmother.  She’s...”

“She’s her grandmother,” Daryl said with a nod.  “But she ain’t her mama.  She ain’t her daddy.  Katie’s got a good home here.  And I’m doin’ the best I can.  She can take me to court, but I’ll fight ‘til I ain’t got no fight left.  Katie’s stayin’ with me.”  He swallowed hard and took her hand.  “You here with me?”

“I’m here,” Carol said softly, though the worrying, niggling doubt was beginning to fester in her heart. Maybe that was the problem.  Maybe if she weren’t in the picture, Nora wouldn’t feel bothered to pull Katie out of the only home she’s ever known.  Maybe if she weren’t in the picture, Nora wouldn’t be so threatened and feel like the last piece of the memory of her daughter was fading away.

Daryl brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles.

“Don’t go nowhere.” 

With a soft sigh, Carol chuckled and wiped at a stray tear that streaked down her cheek.

“Ok,” she whispered with a little smile, as he gave her hand a squeeze.  And she took a deep breath, gazing into his eyes and letting herself take comfort in simply being with him.  They could get through this.  They would. 

*~*~*~*

“Alright, what’s going on?” Aaron finally asked, spooning a bit of pasta onto Carol’s plate.

“Are you trying to get me fat?” Carol asked, as she speared a tender piece of penne and popped it into her mouth.  “Oh my God, that’s the best sauce I’ve ever tasted.”

“Eric’s secret recipe,” Aaron said, winking at his partner. 

“Please, I poured it out of a jar.  It’s not that much of a secret,” Eric scoffed. 

“Well, it’s amazing.”

“At eight bucks a jar, it better be,” Aaron muttered, getting a swat on the leg from Eric.  He served Eric and then himself and settled into his seat.  “Ok, so what’s going on?”  Carol sighed.

“It’s Katie’s grandmother.  She’s giving Daryl problem with the adoption.  I guess her lawyer met with Daryl’s yesterday, and she’s trying to stop the adoption.  Nora and Jack—that’s Andrea’s parents—want to take her back to Florida and raise her.”

“What?  Why?” Eric asked.  “Hasn’t she lived with Daryl pretty much all of her life?”

“Yeah,” Carol replied, taking another bite of pasta.  “I love Katie.  I feel this bond with her, and maybe it’s because I’m missing Sophia, but whatever it is, I feel very protective of her, and I think Nora sees that.  I think she feels like I’m trying to replace Katie’s real mother, which I would never do.”

“Of course not,” Aaron replied, furrowing his brows.  “Besides, it’s not like you’re married to Daryl.  You guys are dating, but, it’s not that serious yet, is it?”  At Carol’s look, Aaron quirked an eyebrow.  “Is it that serious?”

“Well, we’re not talking marriage, but he really wants me to move in.”

“Did he say the thing?” Eric asked.

“We both did,” Carol admitted, blushing.

“What thing?” Aaron asked, looking back and forth between them, before Eric gave him a baffled look.  “Oh!  Oh, that thing?  Really?”

“It happened, and it felt right, and I don’t regret it.  I don’t think he does, either.”

“So it is serious,” Aaron said quietly.  “And things are ok?”

“Things are good,” Carol said with a smile.  “I told him everything about…about my being in the hospital.  And he shared some painful things from his past.  That’s the thing about Daryl.  I never feel alone.  Even when he’s not there, I think about him and think about the things I want to say to him.  I haven’t been this happy in a long time.”

“It shows,” Eric said with a grin.  “You glow.  Not in that pregnant, sweaty from puking all day kind of way.  But you’ve been smiling and happy, and you have no idea how happy that makes me.”  He cleared his throat, and Carol eyed him.

“Why do I feel a but coming along?”

“There’s no but.  I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Why would I get hurt?  Things are good between us.”

“Well, yeah.  Things are great.  Daryl’s a great guy, and you’re amazing, of course.”

“I think what Eric’s trying to say,” Aaron interrupted, “is that we’re just worried about what happens if things don’t work out.”  He eyed Eric, and then they turned their attention back to Carol.  “With the stress of the pregnancy and with Katie’s adoption, I worry about you.  We both do.  And I know Daryl’s been worried about you since your accident.”

“Well, I’m fine, and I don’t see the stress of the surrogacy interfering with our relationship.  Daryl and I talk about it a lot.  And I’m seeing that surrogacy counselor.  I don’t have any doubts in my mind.  I never expected to fall in love with the man who’s sperm inseminated me, but it happened.  This baby’s a part of us, but this is _your_ baby.  We both understand that, and when the time comes, it’ll be hard, but Daryl and I both still want this for both of you.”  Carol looked back and forth between them.  “I promise I’m not going to give birth and snatch the baby and take off running for the hills.  I’m not that kind of person, and I know Daryl isn’t either.  Does being with Daryl change how I feel about this baby?  I won’t lie.  I imagine what he’ll grow up to be like.  Or she.  If she’ll have my eyes or Daryl’s nose.  I wonder about having kids in the future and if they’ll look like this baby.  But this is _your_ baby.  It’s always been _your_ baby.” 

“Honey, we trust you,” Eric promised.  “We’re just worried about you.  I know where your heart’s at.  I just see the way Daryl looks at you sometimes, and it makes me wonder if in the end, this won’t be too much for him.”

“Daryl understands,” Carol said quietly.  “He’s been an amazing support.  And that’s what I’m trying to be for him through this adoption.  I just wish there was more I could do.  I feel like if it wasn’t for me, Nora wouldn’t even be trying to contest it.”

“I don’t think it’s you,” Aaron said quietly, shaking his head.  “She’s a mother that lost her child, and she’s not coping with it very well.”

“Which is why I hate being so angry with her,” Carol said softly.  “I, of all people, know what she’s going through.  But she says she’s worried about Katie.  If she was so worried, why is she fighting this?  Katie’s happy.  She’s growing and living and laughing.”

“And her mother never got to see it,” Eric said gently. 

“Maybe,” Carol thought, taking another bite of her dinner, “maybe that’s what’s hurting her the most.”


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

_14 weeks.  I can no longer sleep comfortably on one side or the other, and I absolutely hate sleeping on my back.  But Daryl bought me this amazing body pillow that I can curl up with and comfortably sleep on my right side.  The baby books tell me you’re about the size of a lemon, which is pretty funny considering I’ve been craving lemonade and anything sour.   Daryl swears I’m going to float away._

_Just a couple more weeks until I have the amnio.  Your dads are torn on wanting to find out if you’re a boy or a girl.  I’m happy either way, because I know you’re safe and growing and healthy.  I’m a bit curious though.  I’d like to know, myself, but I’m just as happy with a surprise._

_There is no denying that you’re on your way.  Daryl’s little daughter Katie came up to me the other day and put her hand on my tummy.  She asked why my belly was getting so round.  I sat her down and told her there’s a baby in there, and she looked at me with such wonder.  She asked how it got there, and all I could do was tell her three-year-old self that ladies carry babies inside their tummies until they’re ready to meet the world.  Thankfully, she was satisfied, and she went off to play with her dolls.  Three year olds are easy!  I’m worried about what happens when you’re born and she asks where the baby went and how it got out!_

*~*~*~*

“Can I jump in the pool?  Pleeeeeease?!” Katie asked, as she hopped from one foot to the other, clad in her princess-print swimming suit with pink and purple floaties attached to each arm.

“You can get _in_ the pool, but you can’t _jump_ in.  You’re too little,” Daryl pointed out, hoisting Katie into his arms.

“But I’ve got floaties!” she insisted.

“You got floaties, but you also got me, and I ain’t lettin’ you jump in.  Nope.”

“Uncle Daryl,” Katie whined, as Carol watched from Aaron and Eric’s kitchen window.  She couldn’t help but giggle when Daryl’s swimming trunks slipped over his hipbones, causing him to quickly scramble to tug them back up so they wouldn’t fall.  He didn’t miss a beat though, holding Katie firmly one arm before sitting down on the ledge of the pool to dangle his legs into the cool water. 

“Aren’t you coming?” Eric asked from behind, startling Carol.  She had managed to put on her new bikini, but she was suddenly feeling self-conscious.  She’d wrapped a towel around her middle and was now standing barefoot in Eric and Aaron’s kitchen.

“I think I’ll sit this one out.”

“Is she baling?” Aaron asked, padding into the kitchen with a towel slung over one shoulder. 

“She’s baling.”

“I’m not,” Carol insisted.  “I just don’t feel like swimming. I don’t think the baby wants to go swimming.”

“The baby’s currently floating in a sac of water.  You can’t use the baby as an excuse,” Eric replied with a smirk. 

“Oh, hush,” Carol replied.

“You realize you look hot, right?  I mean, I might be gay, but even I can admire a beautiful woman when I see one,” Aaron pointed out.  “And I saw you in that black bikini.  You’re gorgeous.  Not a stretch mark in sight.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Carol muttered, rolling her eyes.  “But thank you for inviting us out for a swim.  Katie was so excited.”

“Well, this is probably the last hot day we’ll have until Spring, so that’s why _you_ need to get your pregnant behind in the water and enjoy it.  Come on.  You’ve been stressed out, and swimming is one of the most relaxing things you can do.”

“So I’m swimming…for the baby?”

“That’s right.  For the baby.  So get in the water,” Aaron said with a grin.  Carol sighed and slowly removed her towel, looking down at the swell of her belly and then back up at her friends.

“You can’t tell me Daryl hasn’t seen you naked, so I don’t know what you’re so worried about this bikini for,” Eric pointed out, folding his arms across his chest.  Carol blushed, and Aaron nudged his shoulder. 

“Carol, you’re beautiful.”  Aaron gave her a kiss on the cheek, and she smiled.

“Alright,” she sighed.  “You sure know how to sweet talk a girl.  Are you sure you’re gay?”

“Oh, he’s sure,” Eric replied with a wink.  With a laugh, Carol turned and padded out onto the patio.  She put one hand against her belly as she moved to stand at the edge of the pool.  Daryl looked up, holding onto Katie while she splashed away.  He paused for a moment, catching her eye before letting his gaze roam over the swell of Carol’s breasts and the curve of her belly.  She was stunning.  But he could tell by the way she carried herself that she was feeling a bit self-conscious. 

“Hey,” he called, motioning for her to join them.  “Water’s great.  Katie’s already lookin’ like a drowned rat.”

“I ain’t a drowned rat!” Katie hollered.

“I’m _not_ ,” Daryl corrected.

“You say ain’t,” Katie insisted.

“Well, I _ain’t_ a kid, am I?”

“Uncle Daryl,” Katie laughed, patting his cheek with her hand.  “You’re funny.”  Carol laughed then, sliding into the pool and shivering at the chill, but her body soon adapted to the cool, and she swam slowly toward Daryl, who was holding onto Katie’s hands and turning her slowly around and around in circles in the water.

“Teach me to swim,” Katie urged, kicking her legs and splashing Carol in the process.  The immediate anxiety that crossed Daryl’s face was that of a father realizing his little girl was growing up and would soon be able to do so much on her own.  Pride and fear.

“Maybe some other time, Katie,” Daryl urged.

“Oh,” Carol interrupted, “I taught Sophia how to swim.  She could swim better than most kids her age.”  Carol smiled, holding her hands out and taking Katie’s hands in hers.  She turned her in slow, easy circles.  “See, it’s good to let them learn to swim.  Teach them to respect the water, not to fear it.  Teach them their limits, let them know what’s safe and what isn’t.”  She grinned when Katie ducked her head under the water and came up, spouting a stream like a marble fountain sculpture.

Aaron and Eric soon joined the swimming party, and everybody had a pretty good time, laughing and splashing, relaxing in the pool as Katie splashed away and pretended to be a mermaid. 

Daryl stayed back a bit, watching Carol and Katie playing in the water.  Eventually, the floaties were off, and Carol was teaching Katie how to do the doggy paddle.  His heart swelled in his chest, and he couldn’t help but smile when she smiled, laugh when she laughed.  She was so good with Katie, such a natural, and he only wished he’d gotten the chance to see her with her own daughter.  It broke his heart that she’d lost her girl.  He knew what she’d gone through, and he was in awe of how she’d recovered, how she’d grown stronger, how she was doing something so selfless so someone else could get the chance to be a parent.  He was in awe of her.

When Aaron and Eric finally decided to get out, Katie looked ready for a nap.  By the time she rested her head on Daryl’s shoulder and yawned, Daryl knew it was time to get her out.

“We best get out for a bit, let Katie rest,” he offered.

“We’ll take her.  We need the practice,” Aaron offered, kneeling by the pool as Daryl lifted the girl up to his friend.

“You sure?”

“Sure I’m sure,” Aaron replied, as Katie wrapped her arms around Aaron’s neck and rested her head on his shoulder.  “You two stay in for a bit.  We’ve got her.” 

“Thanks,” Daryl called, turning back toward Carol as Aaron and Eric took Katie inside.  “You’re good with her.”  He waded toward her, seeking out her hands beneath the water.  She smiled, biting her lip as he leaned in to kiss her.  “You’re gonna have to teach me a few things.”

“You’re amazing with her, Daryl.  She adores you.”  Daryl nodded then.

“She don’t ask for Merle anymore.  Sometimes I wonder if she remembers he’s her dad.”

“I’m sure she remembers,” Carol said quietly, as she brought one hand to the back of his neck, curling her fingers in his damp locks.  “But she’s happy with you.  She knows you’ll be there to tuck her in.  She knows you’ll be there when she wakes up.”  She smiled a little.  “It’s like you’re growing up with her, like you’re hitting your stride.  You’re a good uncle.  You’re a better dad.”

“Yeah?  Hope the social worker thinks the same thing when she comes for that home visit tomorrow.”

“She will,” Carol chuckled.  “You’ll tell me how it goes?”

“You won’t be there?”

“I think, under the circumstances, it might be best to keep your pregnant girlfriend out of the house until it’s all over with.”

“We ain’t got nothin’ to hide.”

“No,” Carol said quietly, “but it might be a little hard to explain our situation.”  She shrugged a little.  “Besides, I have a dinner date with Michonne.  I promised her weeks ago.”

“Oh,” Daryl said with a nod.  “Alright.”

“Is that ok?  If you want me there, I’ll be there.  I can call Michonne, and—”

“Nah, don’t break your plans on account of me,” he said with a shrug, leaning in to kiss her.  “You’ll stop by after?”

“Yeah,” she promised, as he sucked her lower lip between his teeth and grazed over it with his tongue.  When he pulled back, she pushed his hair back so she could see his eyes.  It would have been easy to lose herself in his eyes.  He looked at her like she was everything to him, and it was easy to just forget the world and appreciate simply being with him.  She’d never had a love like that, and it was a bit startling how quickly she’d fallen.    Still, the adoption wasn’t far from her mind, and it worried her how easily Daryl might lose everything he’d known for the past few years.  Just thinking about it would send memories of Sophia flying back.  Losing her had been the worst pain imaginable.  Daryl had made a good home and a good life for Sophia, and the thought that somebody wanted to take that all away broke her heart and angered her at the same time.  Daryl was a good man, and he certainly deserved better than that.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“Everything,” she admitted.

“Well, stop it,” he murmured.  “Stop thinkin’ so much.  Everything’s gonna work out.  Six months from now, this adoption’ll be over and the baby’ll be here.  And then me, you and Katie will be doin’ just fine.  We’ll still be a family.”

“I’m glad you’re so confident,” Carol said softly, as he lifted her chin between his thumb and forefinger.  “I hope you’re right.”

“C’mere,” he said quietly, pulling her in close and kissing her.  “I love you.”  Every time he said it, it sent shivers up and down her spine.  Each time was like the first, and her heart would swell, and her eyes would brim with tears.

“I love you, too,” she sniffled.  He brought his hand up, smoothing it down over her damp hair before he twined his fingers with hers.

“Then that’s what’s gonna get us through.”


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

It was the third time Carol had glanced at the time, and she was thankful that Michonne hadn’t pointed out her social faux pas.  She truly hated it when people kept glancing at the time on social outings, but she knew that the home study was probably just wrapping up, and she was eager to talk to Daryl about it. 

“You’re stressing me out by stressing out,” Michonne said with a sigh, taking a sip of wine.  Carol envied her that.  She couldn’t even have a drink to calm her nerves. 

“I’m sorry.  I’m not very good company today.”

“It’s ok,” Michonne assured her.  “You could have cancelled.  The home study’s a little more important than this, you know?”

“To be honest, I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to be there.  I think it’s important that the focus stays on Katie and Daryl.  He’s the one adopting her.  If I’m there, it’ll just complicate things.”

“Why?” Michonne asked, furrowing her brows.  “Because you’re pregnant?”

“Ok, so the social worker asks who I am, and I tell them I’m Daryl’s girlfriend.  Then she starts asking about the baby?  What do I say?  Oh, yeah, it’s our baby, but it’s not our baby, because we’re giving it to a friend?”

“You’re over thinking,” Michonne pointed out.  “Just tell them you’re a surrogate for a friend.  It’s not that scandalous.”

“No, but what if she thinks it’ll confuse Katie?  I don’t want to jeopardize this at all.”

“Katie loves you!” Michonne insisted.  “Anybody can see she just adores you.”

“Which is precisely the reason her grandparents seem so eager to take her away from Daryl.  I don’t want to replace Katie’s mother, and I feel like that’s all Nora sees.  She sees a woman who wants to be a mother to her grandchild when her grandchild already had a mother.”

“Andrea’s dead,” Michonne pointed out flatly.  “It’s sad and tragic, but that doesn’t mean Katie shouldn’t have a mother figure in her life.”

“I just think it’s best to lay low.”  Carol took a bite of her pasta.  “I don’t want to ruin this for him.”

“Carol,” Michonne said softly, reaching across the table to put her hand atop her friend’s.  “If anything, I think you make it better for him.”  Carol felt her eyes sting with tears, and she blinked them away.  “I’ve seen him with Katie, and he’s great with her.  But when you’re there?  You guys are a family.  Any judge in their right mind is gonna see that.”

Carol settled back into her seat, folding her hands into her lap and twisting her napkin between her fingers.

“I sure hope you’re right.”  She chewed her lip anxiously, and Michonne cocked her head to the side.

“What is it  you’re really worried about?  You’re great with Katie, and she loves you and Daryl.  Are you worried they’re not going to grant him the adoption because of the surrogacy?  Don’t think twice about that.”

“It’s not that,” Carol insisted.  She swallowed the lump in her throat, and Michonne’s face fell.

“Oh,” she said softly.  “You’re worried they’ll find out about what happened…after Sophia.”

“It’s always at the back of my mind, Michonne.”

“But you talked to Daryl about it.  He knows.”

“He knows,” Carol said softly.”

“But Nora and Jack don’t?”

“No.  I haven’t trusted many people with that revelation, Michonne.  It’s not something I’m proud of.”

“Well, then don’t worry about it.  You can’t drag a handful of pills and one desperate moment around on your neck.  It’s the past, and it’s over.  You’ve gotten through it, and that doesn’t make you unfit to be a part of Katie’s life.”

“No,” Carol said softly.  “You’re right.  I know that.”

“Then stop worrying.  It’s bad for the baby, and it’s bad for you.  Just try not to stress.  This is going to work out.  Believe that.”  Carol nodded then, praying that her friend was right and that she wasn’t just trying to make her feel better.  Things would find a way to work themselves out.

*~*~*~*~*

“How’d it go?” she asked, toeing off her shoes and kicking them aside as he pulled her in for a kiss.

“Went great.  There were two of ‘em, and they checked out the whole place.  Hell, I thought they were gonna measure how tall the grass out back was.  Ain’t never seen nothin’ like it before.  But they seemed happy with the place.  Katie showed ‘em her room, and they talked to her.”  He placed a kiss to her temple and let go of her.  “My lawyer called me about ten minutes ago and said things were lookin’ good.”

“Daryl, I’m so relieved,” Carol murmured, sighing and pressing a kiss to his cheek.  “Where’s Katie?”

“All the excitement wore her out.  She’s takin’ a nap.”

“Oh,” Carol chuckled.

“How’d your thing with Michonne go?”

“Oh. It was fine,” she said with a nod.

“Fine?” he asked, eyeing her.

“Ok, I was distracted and really bad company.  I paid for the whole meal, I felt so bad.”

“What happened?”

“I was worried about you and Katie.”

“Hey, you don’t gotta worry about us.  Things are workin’ out.  We’re another step closer to finishin’ this for good.  Stop worryin’.”

“That’s what Michonne said,” Carol admitted with a sigh, as Daryl took her hand and led her over to the couch.

“She’s right.  C’mere.”  He sat down sideways on the couch, pulling her to sit between his legs.  She leaned back against his chest, and he brought his hands to her shoulders, squeezing them. 

“Oh God, that feels good,” she murmured, bowing her head as he massaged her.  “I didn’t realize how tense I was.”  She smiled when she felt him place a kiss to the back of her neck.  “Ok.  Ok, the stress is just melting away.”  Daryl chuckled at that, and she could feel the rumble deep in her own chest.  She bit her lip and cocked her head to the side, granting him better access to press kisses along the length of her neck. 

“Just remember, anytime you need some help relaxin’, I’m here.”

“Oh, I’ll remember,” she chuckled.   She bit her lip and glanced toward the dark hall.  “How long’s she been out?”

“’Bout a half hour.”

“You think we have time?” she asked, moving her hand up his leg.  He tensed, squeezing her shoulders.  “I think we could help each other relax.”

“Yeah, yeah, I think we got plenty of time,” he replied, kissing her neck again, before helping her up and standing to follow her down to the hall to his room.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

_16 weeks, and you are starting to move!  It just so happened that you decided to start kicking like a soccer player a few hours before I have to go in for my amnio.  I was so excited to feel you moving around.  I let Daryl feel my tummy, but he didn’t feel anything.  You’re still too little, but I have a feeling it won’t be too long before he’ll be able to feel you, too.  I’d forgotten how amazing it feels to have a little life moving around inside of me, but I’ll never forget how excited I was the first time I felt Sophia kick.  It’s a beautiful experience, and I’m so thankful you are moving around and growing just as you should be._

_The amnio is this afternoon, and your dads are going to have to decide if they want to know if you’re a boy or a girl, because the doctor should be able to tell on the ultrasound.  I’m excited.  I know your dads are excited.  We are all so excited to meet you!_

*~*~*~*

Carol smiled as she closed her laptop and felt his arms come around her.  He kissed the back and side of her neck, and she sighed happily, putting her computer aside and scooting up in the middle of the bed so he could sit behind her. 

“You ready?” he asked.

“I’m a little scared,” she admitted.  “But I’m excited to see the baby again.”  He kissed the spot right between her shoulder blades, and she sighed, arching her neck forward to give him better access.  “That feels good.”  His hands moved up to her shoulders, kneading them, applying just enough pressure that she was practically putty in his hands.  “I’m more worried about you when you see the needle.  And Eric might faint.”

“Just how big of a needle are we talkin’?” Daryl asked.  Carol mimed the length with her hands, and Daryl nearly choked behind her.  “You serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious.”

“They’re gonna stick that in you?”

“Yes, but they’re very precise.  I’ll be ok, and the baby’ll be fine.”  She turned her head and met him with a smile.  “Don’t worry.”

“Ain’t I the one s’posed to be tellin’ you that.”  Carol grinned at that and gave him a soft kiss.  “At least I made ya smile.” 

“You always make me smile,” she said with a grin.  She sighed then, and she gave him a nudge in the chest with her shoulder.  “We should go.  Don’t wanna be late.”

“Alright.  We’ll swing by and pick Katie up from school on the way home, maybe go grab some ice cream?”

“Oh, you do know a way to a pregnant lady’s heart don’t you?”  She smiled then, and Daryl got up off the bed, taking her hand and helping her up.  Just as she was grabbing for her purse, her new cell phone buzzed on the nightstand.  She reached for it, and when she saw it was Aaron calling, she quickly answered.  “Hey, we were just on our way out the door.”

“Hey, I’m sorry about this, but we won’t be able to make the ultrasound.  I feel awful, but Eric’s mother fell this morning, and we’re heading to the hospital to be with her.  She broke her arm, and she’s getting some stitches.”

“Oh my God.  She’ll be ok?”

“Yeah, she’ll be ok.  But she’s gonna need a ride home.  I’m so sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Carol asked, as Daryl crossed the room with a look of concern on his face.  He mouthed ‘what happened?’.  “We’ll make sure they videotape the whole thing.  You won’t miss a second, ok?  Well, you’ll miss the huge needle, but I think that’s a definite plus.  You know how Eric gets.”

“Oh!  And Eric and I decided that we just can’t wait to find out about the baby.”

“Oh my God,” Carol gasped, placing her hand to her heart.  “Are you sure?”

“We’re sure.  We finally decided last night that we really want to know.”

“Thanks goodness, because I really wanted to know,” Carol laughed.  “Ok, well, we’ll call you when we know, ok?”

“Alright, sweetie.  Daryl will be there, right?”

“Of course.”

“Well, make sure he lets you hold his hand.  And squeeze it as tight as you have to.”

“I’ve done this before.  I’ll be alright,” Carol chuckled.  “Now go on.  I’ll talk to you in a couple of hours.”

“Alright.  Love you.”

“Love you,” Carol chuckled before ending the call.  She took a deep breath, and Daryl lifted an eyebrow.

“What happened?”

“Eric’s mom fell and hurt herself.  They’re on the way to the hospital.”

“She ok?”

“Yeah, Aaron seems to think she’ll be ok.  She has a broken arm and needs some stitches, but it could be worse.”  She frowned.  “They won’t make the ultrasound.  I really wanted them to be there.  I wanted to see their faces when they saw the baby, you know?  But, I guess I get to be the one to tell them what the baby is, so that helps.”  She frowned, looking down at her belly and gently placing a hand over it.  Daryl put his hand over hers.

“Girl.”

“What?” Carol laughed.

“You’re havin’ a girl.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Don’t know,” he said with a shrug.  “But she’s a girl.”

“I don’t know,” Carol said with a grin.  “It’s different this time around.”

“Nah,” Daryl said with a shake of his head.  “Girl.  Trust me.”

*~*~*~*

Carol could feel him trembling when he took her hand.  He was seated on the stool next to the examination table, which was probably a good thing, because the poor guy looked like he was about to hit the floor.

“They haven’t even brought out the needle yet,” she whispered, giving his hand a squeeze.  “You ok?”

“Don’t know how I feel about seein’ them put that thing in your stomach.”

“You don’t have to stay for that,” Carol said softly, patting his hand.

“You kidding?  I ain’t leavin’ you alone for that.”  That knocked a laugh out of her, and she leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“You’re so sweet and brave,” she pouted.  He glared at her before his cheeks turned pink and he leaned in to kiss her on the temple. 

Dr. Greene, who was already operating the ultrasound machine, cleared his throat.

“Well, what do we have here?” he murmured, rubbing his chin.

“There’s a what?  That mean it’s a boy?” Daryl asked, straightening up on his seat.  Dr. Greene chuckled.

“No, I haven’t gotten that far, yet.”  He turned the monitor so both Carol and Daryl could clearly see it.  Carol gasped softly, immediately reaching out to touch the screen. 

“Oh my God,” she breathed.  “Look at him.  He’s perfect,” she whispered.

“He?” Daryl asked.  He leaned forward to whisper against her ear.  “You mean ‘she.’”  Carol nudged his arm playfully. 

“Oh, I don’t care what it is.  Look how beautiful.”  The 4D image of their baby’s face was one of the most beautiful things Carol had ever seen.  Her eyes welled, and she brought her hand to her mouth.  “He has your nose.”

“She’s got your mouth,” Daryl chuckled.  Carol laughed then, letting the tears slide down her cheeks.  She sniffled then, and Dr. Greene chuckled. 

“Everything looks ok?” Carol asked gently. 

“All ten fingers are right where they’re supposed to be,” the doctor promised.  “We’ll do the amnio just to double check everything, but the baby looks perfect.”  They watched for a moment, as the baby brought its hands up by its face.  Then, its little mouth opened in a big yawn, and Daryl couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. 

“She’s got your smile, too,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss her cheek.  

“Dr. Greene, are you recording this?”

“Every second.  Don’t worry.”  He then proceeded to check out a few things, such as the size of the baby’s head and the position of the placenta, as well as the condition of the cord.  After what felt like forever, he finally turned his attention back to Carol.  “So everybody’s unanimous on finding out the sex?”

“Yes, thank goodness,” Carol laughed.  “Aaron and Eric let me know this morning, and I know I’m eager.  Daryl?”  She watched him shift a little on his seat.  “You still wanna know?”

“’Course I do,” he said with a nod, giving her hand a squeeze.  She heard his voice crack a little, and her heart ached. 

“Hey,” she murmured.  “This baby’s a part of you, too.  If you don’t want to know…”

“I wanna know,” he promised.  “Just hard to believe how good we could see her, ya know?  She’s this whole little person.” 

“I know,” Carol said softly, brushing another tear away.  “It’s kind of a miracle, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.  It is.”  He kissed her again before wiping a tear from her cheek.  “Alright, doc.  We’re ready.” 

“Well,” Dr. Greene said with a chuckle, maneuvering the scope over Carol’s belly.  “I’m counting ten little toes.  Ok, we have some big feet here.”

“She can still be a ballerina with big feet, right?” Daryl asked.  Carol snorted then.

“Maybe she wants to be a basketball player,” Carol pointed out.  “Or maybe _he_ wants to be a dancer.”

“Then I guess he’d get that from you, ‘cause I sure as hell got two left feet.”  Carol laughed then, and Dr. Greene laughed at that and shook his head.

“C’mon, Doc.  Tell her I’m right and it’s a girl.”

“Well, I’d stick to your day job, Daryl, because guessing isn’t your best quality.”

“Oh my God!” Carol beamed.  “A boy?”

“A boy,” Dr. Greene said with a smile and a nod.

“Daryl,” Carol breathed, staring wide-eyed at the screen as Dr. Greene took a screen shot of the reveal.

“I know,” he murmured, feeling as if all the air had been sucked out of the room.  His head was spinning now, and when Dr. Greene found the baby’s face again on the screen, Daryl felt a tug at his heart as he stared into his face of his unborn son.  _Their_ unborn son.  “We’re havin’ a boy.”  Carol looked over at him, and he caught her gaze, and in that moment, the joy of a healthy baby for Aaron and Eric was mixed with a tinge of sadness that this baby, their baby, was only going to be _their_ baby for a few more months. And somehow, seeing his face took Daryl into the future.  Their son riding a bike.  Their son playing basketball, playing fetch with his dog in the back yard.  And those were the things he was going to miss, and suddenly, he needed air. 

“Uh, doc, you gonna be a few minutes before doin’ that test?”

“A few,” Dr. Greene said with a nod, fidgeting with the computer. 

“Alright.  Uh, I’ll be right back.”

“Daryl?” Carol asked, brows knitting in concern.  “You ok?”

“Yeah,” he promised, glancing at her for only a moment before turning for the door.  “Just gotta use the bathroom.”  She watched him, knowing he was lying but also knowing he wasn’t doing it to hurt her.  He needed a moment to process everything, to grieve for the life the three of them would not have together.  In the end, this perfect baby boy was never going to be calling him Dad .  And she knew that that was finally beginning to sink in.  This was real, this was happening.  And it was going to hurt more than either of them wanted to admit.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

“Are you ok?” Carol asked softly, giving Daryl’s hand a squeeze.  Their hands were joined between them on the seat, and Daryl hadn’t said much of anything the whole way home.  So, when Daryl pulled up outside of Carol’s place, Carol finally broke the silence.

“I’m good,” he promised.  “Just tired.”

“Why are you lying to me?” Carol asked, narrowing her eyes.  “I know you’re not ok.  You’re freaking out.”

“I ain’t.”

“It’s because we know, isn’t it?  We know it’s a boy.”

“It ain’t that.”

“Daryl,” Carol said softly, squeezing his hand again.  “I have another appointment with my surrogacy counselor tomorrow.  I want you to come with me.  Please.  Just come in and talk about it.”

“I don’t need to talk to no shrink about nothin’,” Daryl insisted.   Carol stared at him.  He stared back.  “What you want me to say?  You want me to say I saw my son on that screen today and felt nothin’?  That’s what I’m s’posed to say, right?  I ain’t s’posed to get attached, right? I ain’t got no choice in the matter, so I don’t know what you wanna hear me talk about.”  She flinched then, and he cut the engine.  “That’s their son, but he’s _our_ son, too.  So, yeah, I thought about what it’d be like to raise him.  I thought about how I ain’t gonna be the one he calls ‘dad’ and how I ain’t gonna be the one to teach him how to drive.  And I keep thinkin’ how much it’s gonna hurt when I watch you go through havin’ him and handin’ him over to someone else.”  Carol looked away then.

“I was afraid of this.”

“Afraid of what?  That I’d actually feel somethin’ for my own kid?  That make me a terrible person?”

“No!” Carol insisted, turning to face him again.  “Daryl, I love you so much.  And we’ve talked about this so many times.  I just…I knew it’d be hard for me, and I knew it’d be difficult for you, but this is…”  She sighed and shook her head.  “It’s complicated.  I never meant for this to happen.  For us to happen.”

“You sayin’ you made a mistake?”

“No, and don’t you dare ever say that again,” Carol snapped.  “I love you and Katie, and I love this baby, and this plan…my plan from the start has been to bring this baby into the world for Aaron and Eric.  _You_ weren’t part of my plan.  I wasn’t planning to fall in love with you.  I’m glad I did.  You make me happy, and I’m so thankful for that.”  She paused, running her fingers through her hair.  “I fight with myself every day, trying not to get too attached to this pregnancy.  You think I don’t dream about what he’s going to look like or what kind of person he’s going to become?  You think I don’t wonder and worry about how he’ll feel about the circumstances of his birth, if he might resent me for being too present in his life or not present enough?  I don’t know where I stand, Daryl, and that scares the hell out of me.”  She watched then as he turned in his seat, his blue eyes searching her face.  “Daryl, I’m worried about you.  I’m worried about what this is going to do to you.  That’s why I’m seeing this counselor.  Giving this baby up is going to feel…impossible.  But I know I can do it.  I buried my own child.  If I can survive that, I can survive this.  But I’m worried about you.”

“I worry ‘bout you.  All the time.  Worry that you’re alright.  Keep seein’ you layin’ there in the hospital like I did that mornin’ you had your wreck.  Don’t ever wanna see that again.”  He swallowed the lump in his throat.  “I never met Sophia, but I see you rememberin’ her, and I see you hurtin’, and I know what we both signed up for when we got into this, but fallin’ in love with you changed everything.”

“What are you saying?” Carol asked softly, lower lip trembling.  “You’re having second thoughts about the baby?”

“Second thoughts.  Hell, I have more thoughts than I know what to do with.  I know this is their baby.  But he’s a part of us.  Maybe we didn’t make him the old fashioned way, but he’s still ours, and I’m gonna feel that every time I see him.”

“Daryl,” Carol said softly.  “Please come with me tomorrow.  Please.  I need you to be ok with this.”

“I’m ok,” he promised.  “I know it’s the right thing.  I know.”  He reached out and put his hand on her stomach.  “But he’s in there right now.  Right now, he’s ours.”  Carol brought her hand over his, holding him there for a moment before she turned in her seat and reached for the door handle.  Daryl moved to get out, but Carol held her hand up.

“I think I’m going to lay down for a while.  Would you mind if I just had some time to myself?  You should take Katie for ice cream, like you planned.”

“Are we ok?” Daryl asked quietly, feeling his heart sinking in his chest. 

“We’re fine,” she offered, blinking back tears.  “I’m just tired, and I want to get some rest and maybe write for a little bit.”

“You know I’m with you on this, right?  The plan’s what it’s always been.  I just…you want me to talk about it.  So I talked about it.  I can’t help it.  I ain’t tryin’ to make this harder on you.  But ya can’t blame me for pausin’ for a minute to think about what we ain’t gonna get.”

“I know,” Carol said softly.  “Thank you for talking to me.  I need to know how you’re feeling.”

“So why do I feel like you’re shuttin’ me out?” Daryl asked, as Carol took a shaky breath.

“I’m not,” she insisted.  “But I just need to be alone for a little while, ok?”  He was at a loss, feeling like she was slipping farther away by the second. 

“Alright.  Uh, I’ll…I guess I’ll call ya tonight?  That ok?”

“Of course,” she said with a weak smile.  “I’ll see you later, ok?”  Daryl nodded then, but just as Carol turned to open the truck door, he reached out, putting his hand on her shoulder.  She turned to look up at him, her big, blue eyes shimmering with tears.

“Hey.  C’mere.”  They leaned in together, and he gently cradled her chin in his hand before kissing her softly.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered softly, leaning her forehead against his for a brief moment.  Then, she took a deep breath, pulled away and got out of the truck, leaving him to his own thoughts.  And as she walked into her house, his heart sank just a little bit more.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

“How you doin’ baby brother?”

“Merle?” Daryl asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he lay across his empty bed.  Katie had been asleep for going on an hour, and he’d been debating whether or not to dial Carol’s number for the past fifty seven minutes. 

“Yeah,” he snorted.  “You got any other big brothers I don’t know about?”  Daryl sat up at the sound of his brother’s laugh, and he couldn’t help but chuckle in return. 

“What’s going on, Merle?” he asked.

“Just wanted to check in.  See how my girl’s doin’.  Make sure you’re both doin’ ok.”

“She’s good.  Katie’s real good.  We’re movin’ forward with the adoption.”

“Good,” Merle beamed.  “I’m proud’a you, baby brother.”

“You’re still her dad, you know,” Daryl pointed out.

“You and me both know I ain’t never gonna be what that little girl needs.  Even when Andrea was here, I could see it in her eyes.  She was worried ‘bout the baby comin’, worried she made the wrong choice.  Katie awake?”

“Been asleep for an hour.  Want me to wake her?  I know she’d wanna talk to ya.”

“Don’t you dare,” Merle warned.  “You wake my princess up, I’ll have to come kick your ass.”

“Where are you, anyway?” Daryl asked, sitting up and putting the phone on speaker.  He held his head in his hand.  He already had a pounding headache, but that probably had something to do with the four shots of whiskey he’d had after Katie had gone to bed.

“Amarillo.”

“You’re in Texas?”

“Just got sprung from the clink.”

“You got arrested again?”

“Nah,” Merle chuckled.  “Just left rehab.  Proud to say I been clean for six weeks.  Lookin’ at a job interview tomorrow mornin’ drivin’ trucks cross-country for a rancher.”

“Proud of ya, bro,” Daryl offered.  “That’s great.”  Merle could still hear the apprehension in Daryl’s voice.

“Hey, I ain’t gonna fuck this up,” Merle promised.  “I’m done with that shit.  Realized while I was soberin’ up, pukin’ on myself in the middle of the night tryin’ to fight the withdrawal.  I can’t do it no more.  And I sure as hell don’t want Katie growin’ up thinkin’ I fucked my whole life up like that.  I’m gonna get better.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Daryl offered, pulse pounding through the pain in his head. 

“You sound like shit,” Merle muttered.  “What’s goin’ on?”

“Ain’t nothin’.”

“Don’t lie to me, boy.  What’s goin’ on?  You drunk?”

“Naw.”

“You lyin’?”

“Yeah,” Daryl snorted.  “It’s Jack and Nora.”

“Hell,” Merle huffed.  “What’s goin’ on?”

“Nora’s tryin’ to stop the adoption.  She wants Katie.”

“The hell did you just say to me?  No way.  No fuckin’ way,” Merle snapped.

“Merle, she wants Katie, and her lawyer’s doing whatever he can to stop it.”

“What’s the judge say?”

“So far?  Everything’s been fine.  Home studies have been good.  Social workers love Katie.  They see she’s happy.  They see she’s got a good home.”

“But you’re worried.”

“Nora’s missin’ Andrea.  Can’t fault her for that.  But it feels like she’s tryin’ to make up for losin’ Andrea by raisin’ Katie, and we both know Andrea got the hell outta there as soon as she could.”

“Shit,” Merle muttered.  “You gotta talk to Jack.”

“What?”

“Jack.  He’s a good man, but Nora leads him around like a puppy on a leash.  He’s the ‘yes, dear,’ kinda man, and that’s alright to a point.  But when it comes to that little girl, even he knows how Nora is.  Andrea was a daddy’s girl.  Closer to him than Nora.  I think Nora always resented that a little.  Talk to Jack.  That’s your shot.”

“Thanks for the tip,” Daryl murmured.

“Hell,” Merle sighed, “if I didn’t think it’d make things worse for ya, I’d come out there and set things straight.  Don’t worry, little brother.  The court’s gonna see Katie’s in good hands.”

“Yeah.  That’s what Carol keeps saying.”

“Carol?” Merle asked.  “She that girl you were just startin’ to see?”

“Yeah,” Daryl pointed out, struggling to remember actually speaking to Merle about his personal life.  He made a point to avoid talking about relationships at all costs.

“Things gettin’ serious then?”

“Yeah.  You could say that,” Daryl muttered.  “She’s real good with Katie, too.  Katie’s crazy about her.”  He cleared his throat.  For a moment, he thought about talking to his brother about the surrogacy, but then he decided against it.  The last thing he needed was some of Merle’s no-doubt judgmental opinions getting into his head when he was drunk and vulnerable.

“You sound like shit.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been a shitty day, bro.”

“Alright, I’ll leave ya be, then.  I’ll let ya know how things go with the interview.”

“Good luck,” Daryl offered.

“Yeah.  I’m sure as shit gonna need it.”  The line went dead, and Daryl sighed, flopping back onto the mattress and rubbing his hand over his face.  He brought the phone back out in front of him, pulling up Carol’s number from his contact list.  _Shit_.  He’d told her he’d call her.  But she’d wanted to be left alone.  She’d wanted time away from him.  Somehow, without meaning to, he’d fucked it all up.  But she’d wanted him to talk about it, wanted him to go with her to the surrogacy counselor.  He’d been telling himself from the beginning not to get attached, not to let himself feel like a father.  But somehow between falling in love with Carol and opening himself up to the possibility of being a father to Katie, he’d become a father, and this child Carol carried—this little boy—was a part of him.  And he wasn’t the kind of asshole who would stop his two good friends from becoming the rightful parents, not when his own future as Katie’s parent was being challenged by Andrea’s parents.  But he was a fucking human being, and he loved Carol, and he loved this baby, and he was certainly allowed a moment of question, a moment of weakness, wasn’t he?

Hell, he felt like an asshole, anyway.  He should’ve lied.  He should have told her something, anything that wouldn’t make her more upset than she already was.  She was the one carrying the baby, she was the one that would give birth to him.  She was the one that would leave the hospital without the baby she’d carried for nine months.  And she’d prepared herself for this.  Then he’d gone and opened his fucking mouth, and now she needed space.  Space from him.  Was she having second thoughts about them?

Suddenly, his stomach felt like it was twisting into knots, and he needed to talk to her.  He needed to hear her voice.

Without thinking, he let the call go through, and he held his breath, waiting to hear her voice.

“Hey.”  Her voice was soft, sleepy.

“Hey,” he said quietly, picking at the cuticle on his thumb.

“You ok?” she asked gently.

“Yeah.  M’sorry about today.”

“Daryl,” she murmured, hesitating, “you have nothing to be sorry about.  I’m sorry.  I…I know this has to be hard for you.  As much as we both want to be strong here, as much as we both want to say we can handle this, we were both there today, we both felt a connection to this baby.  It’s natural.  I’m glad you care so much.” He could practically hear her chewing her bottom lip. 

“You talk to Aaron and Eric?”

“Not yet,” she admitted.  “I called Aaron earlier, but I got his voicemail.  I didn’t want to tell them through a voice mail, you know?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. 

“Daryl.”

“Hmm?”

“I think we should spend some time apart.”  It hit him like lightning, striking all of his nerves, his senses.  Something broke inside of him.  “Daryl?”

“What?”

“I think…I think it’s the best thing.”

“You wanna break up?” he asked, voice thick with confusion.  He heard her take  a sharp breath. 

“No!” she insisted.  “No, I think…I think we’re both very confused right now.”

“I ain’t confused!” Daryl snapped.  “I ain’t confused about how I feel about you.  I ain’t confused about wantin’ you in my life.”

“Daryl…”

“You love me?”

“Don’t do this,” Carol whispered.  “Please.”

“I don’t understand,” Daryl growled.  “You say you love me, but ya don’t want me around?”

“That’s not it!”  Her voice broke.  He felt like an even bigger asshole, but the whisky and the hurt in his heart was completely clouding his judgment. 

“Then why are you doin’ this?”

“I think it’s for the best.  It’s best for Katie, it’s best for you.  For the baby.”

“Like hell it is.”

“She’s just a little girl.  The surrogacy is going to confuse her the bigger I get.  And when we don’t come home with a baby when it’s over?  What then?  And you’re in the middle of an adoption, and Nora hates me, and this is just a mess.”

“Stop.”

“I can’t,” she whispered.  “I can’t.  I love you too much.  I want you to be happy.”  His head throbbed harder, and his heart felt like it was stuck in a vice. 

“ _You_ make me happy.  I don’t fuckin’ care what anybody else thinks.”

“Nora…”

“I especially don’t fuckin’ care what she thinks.  Only one here that gives a shit what that woman thinks about us is you.  You won’t even stay for the home visits.  You’re so damned afraid they’re gonna think the wrong thing, when there’s nothin’ wrong!”

“Daryl, please!” she cried, letting herself break.  “Stop.”

“I love you.  I want you.  I wanna be with you.  And I wanna walk into that court with you and fight for Katie, ‘cause she’s _ours_.”  He heard her gasp softly on the other line.  “You’re the only mama she’s ever known, and she loves you.  And I love you.  And we should be a family.  Fuck what anybody else thinks.” 

“Daryl,” she cried, sniffling.  “Please.  Please stop.  Please.  I just need some time.  I love you, and I want to be with you, and you know this isn’t easy.  It’s starting to feel impossible.  I just need a minute to breathe.  I just need to…to breathe.”  She paused.  “And you need time to focus.  You need to focus on Katie and on the adoption.  You’re a great dad, Daryl.  You’re amazing with her.  And they’re going to know that.  They’ll see it.  But I need to take a step back.  I need…”

“Yeah,” Daryl muttered, cutting her off.  “You need me to not be around so you can breathe.  I get it.” 

“Daryl—” He threw his phone across the room, and he heard the glass screen shatter as it hit the wall.  And as he flopped back against the bed, he felt his heart break.  He pinched the bridge of his nose, holding back every emotion that seemed to branch out from each nerve ending.  He wanted to cry.  He wanted to scream.  He wanted to fucking punch the wall.  He wanted to feel something, anything. 

Instead, he rolled over onto his side, buried his head under the pillow and prayed he’d wake up from the goddamned nightmare.  _Fuck this._


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

“You look like hell.”  Carol looked up from the computer and shot Tara a look.  Instead of snapping at her friend and co-worker for the remark, she just sighed.

“I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Baby keeping you up?”

“No.  Not that,” Carol said softly.  “I screwed up.”  Tara frowned and looked over her shoulder at the clock.

“Hey, look at that.  Lunch time.”  Carol smiled a little.  “Want to join me for some cafeteria food?”

“Oh, sounds delicious,” Carol chuckled.  “Sure.”  The two quickly used the computer to clock out for lunch before heading down to the elevators, to the ground floor cafeteria.  Once they had their trays and were settled in the quiet corner of the half-empty cafeteria, Tara cleared her throat and took a sip of a sugary cola.

“So, what’s going on?”

“I think…I think I broke up with Daryl last night.”  Tara nearly spat out her drink.  She choked and quickly wiped at her mouth, eyes wide.

“You…you what?!  Why?!”

“I mean, it wasn’t my intention!  I just asked him if maybe we could take a break, spend some time apart.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Tara muttered, much to Carol’s surprise.  “When in the history of any television show has a ‘break’ been good for the leading couple?”

“This isn’t a television show,” Carol pointed out.  “This is my life.  And I messed up.”  She took a bite of her cheeseburger before washing it down with a sip of ice water.

“Ok, so what exactly did you say to him?” Tara asked.  At Carol’s look, Tara made a face.  “I know we aren’t the closest of friends, but we’ve worked together for a long time now, and I consider you a friend.  You’ve heard all about my relationship fails, and I feel like I practically know Daryl, even though I’ve only met him a handful of times.  So, come on.  Lay it on me.”

“Well, we found out the baby’s a boy yesterday.”

“Congrats,” Tara said with a grin, eyes widening immediately at her slip.  “Uh, I mean, for the dads, that is.”

“We found out it was a boy, and immediately I could see Daryl thinking about it.  He was _really_ thinking about it.  And all I could think was that he needed to come see the surrogacy counselor with me.  She’s helped me so much, and I know that it’s only natural that Daryl feel things like this.  And that’s why Jacqui has been great.  She’s helped me really deal with the emotional aspect of this pregnancy.  I love this baby.  I do.  He’s a part of me.  He’s part of Daryl.  And I have no doubts about Aaron and Eric being his dads.  Still, I think about what it’d be like to be his mom.  I think about if he’ll look like Daryl.  I think about being a parent with Daryl.  And, let’s face it, we’ve been parenting Katie together for a while now.” 

“Right,” Tara said with a nod.  “You’re having this baby, but this baby’s not having you.  You won’t take him home.  You won’t raise him.  So that’s really hitting Daryl now, huh?”

“I think it became real for him.  I mean, it’s always been real, since the insemination, but knowing it’s a boy, knowing this boy is going to grow up and go out into the world and be a part of me and a part of him…it’s getting to him.  And I just wanted him to come talk to Jacqui.  He doesn’t want to.  But he opened up to me.”

“That’s great, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Carol said with a nod.  “It’s great.  But he…I guess he’s frustrated.  I understand.  Since the beginning, I’ve been worried about his attachment to the baby.  I guess maybe I’ve worried so much about it that he’s tired of me questioning him, asking him if he’s going to be ok.  If it’s too much.  I don’t know.”  She sighed, shaking her head.  “This was complicated enough before we got involved.  Now, I wake up in the night, and he’s got his hands on my belly, and I feel like he’s already making plans, and we can’t have plans with this baby.”   She watched as Tara’s soulful brown eyes filled with pity.  “Oh, don’t do that.  Please don’t.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s ok.”  She took a deep breath.  “And now, Daryl’s trying to adopt his niece, and the little girl’s grandmother isn’t happy that I’m there.  She sees me as some kind of threat to the memory of her daughter, even though she died when Katie was born.”  She shook her head.  “I’m not sure what worries her more.  My being around or the idea that Merle may come back into her life.”

“Well, I can tell you this,” Tara said softly, popping a French fry into her mouth.  “I haven’t seen you as happy as you’ve been since before your little girl died.  I swear, you come to work most days, and you’re just lit up, like everything is good.  And at first I thought it was because you were having some pretty good sex, but then I realized it was more than that.  You have a family again.  You got comfortable there.”

“I did,” Carol admitted.  “And everything’s so confusing.”

“Well, do you love him?”

“I do,” Carol insisted, unflinching.  “I love him, and he makes me happy.  But I want him to be happy, and most of all, I want him to be able to raise Katie without her grandparents interfering.  And I feel like that’s never going to happen if I don’t back off.  So I suggested we take some time apart.  I wasn’t breaking up with him.  I wasn’t.  But things got out of control.  He was hurt, I know that.  And he hung up angry.”  She took another drink of water.  “Maybe it’s for the best.”

“Are you crazy?” Tara asked, narrowing her eyes at her friend.  “You went through a shitty divorce and lost your little girl, and then you almost died.  Finally, something good comes along in the shape of a gorgeous guy, and he loves you, and you love him, and you think that maybe pushing him away was for the best?  No offense, but are you fucking kidding me?”

“Tara,” Carol hissed under her breath, looking around as a few people began to stare over cups of coffee and bites of mediocre cafeteria food.  “Please.”

“Look, you love him, and you’re good with Katie, and any judge would be a moron to not be able to see that.  So fuck ‘em.  Don’t put your own happiness on the back burner just because you’re afraid of taking a chance.  That’s your family.  This baby?  This baby’s your family.  You’re going to be there.  Aaron and Eric are great guys from what I can tell.  They’re never going to shut you _or_ Daryl out of this kid’s life.  So what if you’re mom or Auntie Carol or just Carol?  You’re still going to see this kid grow up.  And Daryl?  Daryl went into this with just as much understanding as you did, did he not?  He voluntarily donated his sperm so his two good friends could be dads.  Did he think he was just never gonna see his own two friends’ kid after it was born?  Of course not!  So you both need to just wake up and see what’s right in front of you and what matters.  You fucking love each other, and you want to be together.  So just be together.”

Tara sat back in her seat with a huff, crossing her arms across her chest.  Carol, wide-eyed, put down her glass of ice water. 

“Was that too much?” Tara asked.

“No.  No, I think…everything was just…right,” Carol offered slowly, pushing her chair back from the table.  “Tara, thank you.”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for.  You going over to his place?”

“Yeah, if I hurry, I can make it before he heads to work.  He’s on the evening crew this week.”  Carol placed her hand on her stomach and grabbed for her keys.  “Can you cover for me if I’m late?”

“Yeah, sure thing.  Go, scoot!” Tara urged, waving her hand at Carol.  “And don’t come back ‘til you’ve kissed and made up!”  Carol grinned at her then and hurried off toward the elevators, leaving Tara with a satisfied smile on her face.  Popping another French fry into her mouth, Tara resisted the urge to give herself a pat on the back.  “Yeah.  I’m good.”

*~*~*~*

Daryl cringed as he swiped his finger of the front of his phone.  It was shattered, but the touch screen still worked.  He only wished he’d been drunker last night.  If he had been, maybe he wouldn’t have woken up that morning remembering every horrible thing that had happened leading up to his throwing his cell phone at the wall.  But what he did remember was Merle’s advice, advice that he was going to take since he was currently stuck in traffic on his way to the bridge construction down on Jonesboro Avenue.

“Hello?” Jack Harrison said over the phone.

“Jack.  You hear me?  This is Daryl.”

“Daryl?  Yes.  Yes, I can hear you just fine.  I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”

“Yeah, I know.  Listen.  I need to talk to ya.  Is Nora around?”

“Uh, well, no.  No, she’s not.  What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Look, I know you love Nora, and you love Katie, and you want your wife to be happy.  But you know I’m right when I say that Katie don’t need to grow up in that house.  Andrea was your little girl.  She was your world.”

“She was,” Jack said softly, voice wavering.  “And Nora never could understand why Andrea was so close to me and not to her.  She loved her mother, of course, but we had a bond, and they…well, they just never saw eye to eye.”  Jack cleared his throat.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I don’t know what to tell you.  Katie brings us such joy when she’s here.  It’s like having Andrea home all over again.”

“That’s the thing though,” Daryl pushed, “she ain’t Andrea.  She ain’t never gonna be Andrea.  I’m sorry she’s gone.  I am.  There ain’t nothin’ I can do to chance that.  But Katie’s still here, and she’s happy here.  She’s got me, and she’s got Carol.  She’s got her friends from school.  She’s happy, and if Nora takes her away from all that…hell, she’s still askin’ about her daddy and when he’s comin’ home.  What do you think takin’ her away from everything she knows is gonna do to her?”

“Daryl, my hands are tied here.  I’m sorry.”

“Please.  Listen,” Daryl insisted, tightening one hand on the steering wheel as the truck inched forward in traffic.  “Just listen.  What if it was Andrea?  What if Nora’s parents had tried to take her from you?  What if you  had to watch her get taken away by social workers or cops, just ‘cause some judge who don’t even really know you decided it was the best thing for her?”  There was a pause, and he heard Jack take a deep breath on the other line.

“I can talk to her,” Jack offered.  “I don’t know what good it’ll do, but I can try.  I know you’re good to Katie, Daryl.  She loves you so much.  But Nora…you know how she is.”

“I know how she is.  I know she’s hurtin’, and she thinks she’s doin’ the right thing, but she’s just gonna end up hurtin’ Katie.  Katie’s the one who suffers here.  So please.  Please, talk to her.”

“I will.  I can’t make you any promises, but I can tell you I’ll talk to her.  I’ll do that much.”

“Jack, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.  You know my wife.  You know when she sets her mind to something, there’s no stopping her.  I’m afraid nothing will convince her to let this go.”

*~*~*~*

Carol groaned, stepping up onto her porch with her hand on her belly.  She hadn’t made it to Daryl’s on time, and she’d thought about calling him, but the last thing she wanted to do was make amends over the phone.  She needed him to know how much she loved him, how much she needed him, how much strength he gave her just being there for her through all of this.  But, she was going to have to wait.  He was already at work, and she wasn’t about to disrupt yet another work day on account of personal issues.  He’d already taken off enough time to help her after her wreck. 

She noticed the mail box was full, and she reached in, finding the electric bill, a letter from her insurance company and an envelope addressed to her with no return address.  Frowning, she sat down on her porch swing and put the mail aside, save for the mystery envelope.  She opened up the top and took out the single piece of lined paper.  Instantly, she felt a wave of dread wash over her when she snuck a peek at the bottom of the letter and saw who it was from.  Nora. 

_Ms. Mason_

_I didn’t want it to come to this, but my granddaughter’s life is the most important thing to me.  I thought I’d exhausted all of my efforts to bring Katie home, and while I feel there is still a chance the judge may rule in my favor, I do recognize that Daryl is a good man.  A good father.  And Katie is happy with him.  She’s told me many times.  I’ve recently become privy to some information about you, Ms. Mason, and frankly, I’m more concerned now than ever before.  I am writing to you as a woman, as a mother, as someone who cares deeply for her grandchild and wants her to have the best of all things.  I understand that you were once hospitalized not but a couple of years ago for attempting to take your own life.  I cannot begin to understand such a thing, but my fears as a grandmother are stronger than ever._

_My wish for my granddaughter is to be brought up in a stable home.  I worry every day that her father will come back into her life and mess up everything that Daryl has created for her.  And he’s done a wonderful job.  I have to admit to that. My only other fear is that your mental health is too fragile to be responsible for a child.  I fear that you may harm yourself again.  Katie’s already lost one mother.  She’s growing more attached to you as the days go by.  I feel that if you continue to remain a constant in Katie’s life, she will only end up suffering as a result.  I will have no choice but to relay this information to the courts.  Your mental health is none of my business, but I know enough to know that I worry for my granddaughter’s safety, therefore, I must make it my business._

_I hope that you will see my reasoning here and do the right thing. I will leave this matter in the past and withdraw my petition for custody of Katie if you can distance yourself from my granddaughter and her uncle._

_I intend to keep my knowledge of your past between the two of us, and if need be, the court.   Just know that I’ll be watching._

  * _Harrison_



*~*~*~*~*

Aaron’s heart was in his throat the moment he saw Carol’s face when Eric opened the door.  Eyes brimmed red from crying, nose red, cheeks splotchy, suit case in her hand. 

“Sweetie, what happened?”  Eric asked, stepping aside so she could step into the house.  She held out her hand containing a small plastic bag from the doctor’s office, complete with an ultrasound video and pictures. 

“You’re having a little boy,” she choked out, voice breaking as the tears started again.  Aaron stepped forward just as she dropped her suitcase, and he pulled her into his arms.  And then she broke, clutching her arms around his neck as she began to cry. 

“It’s ok,” Aaron soothed her, as she sobbed against his chest.  “Hey.  Hey, it’s ok.”  He glanced at Eric over Carol’s shoulder and nodded his head, motioning for him to do something, anything.  Eric quickly grabbed Carol’s things and took them to the living room, while Aaron held Carol and rubbed her back in the foyer.  “Hey.  Can you look at me?”  She sniffled and nodded, wiping at her face as she pulled away from him.  “What happened?”

“I…I hate to be a bother, but do you think I could stay with you for a couple of days?  My place is so quiet, and I just need—and Michonne wasn’t home.  I just…I didn’t know where to go.”

“Of course,” Aaron promised, taking her hand and leading her into the living room.  “What happened?”  They sat down together, and Eric came from the kitchen with a bottle of cold water.  Carol accepted it gratefully and took a few sips.  She cleared her throat, put the cap on it and placed it on a coaster on the glass-top coffee table. 

Carol dug into her pocket, producing the letter, and she handed it to Eric.  The two men poured over the letter, reading it as Carol sat there shaking on the couch.  Aaron took her hand as he read, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, and she calmed a little.  And when Eric put the letter down, there was a palpable silence in the room for a moment.  Then Aaron cleared his throat.

“She can’t do that.  Does she even know _what_ happened?  Did her little investigation happen to dig deep enough to uncover what happened to Sophia?”

“I don’t know,” Carol sniffled.  “I don’t know.  I just know she learned enough that she’s going to use it against Daryl.  She’s going to take Katie away from him.”

“No.  No,she won’t.”

“I have to…I have to break up with him.  I have to end it for good.”  She shook her head and wiped at her eyes.

“No, you don’t.  I’ll call _my_ lawyer and have him help your lawyer if I have to,” Aaron insisted.  “You aren’t giving up here.  I haven’t seen you _or_ Daryl this happy.  Ever.  And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this woman destroy everything you’ve built because she can’t get the help she really needs.”

“Aaron,” Carol choked out, “I can’t do this.  I can’t.  I can’t fight right now.  This baby doesn’t need that.  And…”

“You’re not doing this alone,” Eric interjected.  “Babe, get Daryl on the phone.”

“No.  Please,” Carol sobbed.  But Aaron was up off the couch and already had the phone to his ear. 

“Shit,” Aaron hissed.  He glanced at Carol and Eric.  “Voicemail.”  He cleared his throat then, waited a few seconds, and then he spoke.  “Daryl, it’s Aaron.  Please call me as soon as you get this.  It’s important.”  He ended the call and sat back down.  “It’s gonna be ok.  It will be.  You’ll see.” 

Carol took a shaky breath and another sip of water. 

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled.  “I shouldn’t have told you this way…about the baby.”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Aaron assured her.  “A boy, huh?”

“Yeah,” Carol chuckled.

“How’d the amnio go?”

“Good.  I’m a little sore from the needle, but other than that, good.”  She paused to blow her nose.  “Eric, how’s your mom doing?”

“Oh, she’s good.  They gave her some happy pain pills, and she was in la la land when we checked on her last night.”

“Oh,” Carol chuckled.  “I’m glad she’s alright.”  And the silence fell around them again.  Aaron checked his phone, while Eric looked through the ultrasound pictures, and Carol relaxed against the couch with her hands folded atop her belly. 

“Ok, why is he not calling back?” Aaron asked, frustrated as he jabbed his finger at the screen on his phone.

“He’s working,” Carol pointed out.  “He’s working a later shift today on the Jonesboro bridge.  He probably won’t even check his phone for a few hours.”

“That won’t do,” Aaron grumbled, reaching for his wallet and keys.

“Babe, what are you doing?” Eric called from the couch.

“Going for a drive,” he said brusquely, turning to Carol.  “You relax and don’t worry.  I’ll be back soon.”  And then he was gone, letting the screen door slam behind him on its hinges.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Daryl wiped the sweat off his brow as he leaned against the back of his pickup and gulped down half a bottle of cold water from the cooler. Sweat stung his eyes, and he was thankful for a break from working in the hot sun.  His crew was lounging in the shade under the bridge, but Daryl had headed for his truck for a smoke and to maybe gather up the courage to call Carol.

But when he pulled his shattered phone from his pocket and tried to turn it on, nothing happened.

“Shit.”  The battery had been fully charged when he’d left. 

“Good job, dumbass.”  He turned around to see one of his crewmen, Glenn, standing there with a bottle of water. 

“You talkin’ to me?” Daryl asked with a snort.  “I’m your boss, shithead.”

“Yeah, well, you used to be just one of us,” Glenn replied with a laugh.  “Just trying to keep you grounded, that’s all.  What the hell did you do?”

“What’s it look like?” Daryl asked.  “Broke it.”

“Well, I’d say so.  Looks like you threw it at a brick wall.”  Daryl pulled a cigarette from the crumpled pack in his shirt pocket, lit it up, took a deep drag and exhaled slowly.  “Girl problems?”  At Daryl’s glare, Glenn laughed nervously.  “Hey, man.  I get it.  My wife’s pregnant with our first.  Just found out it’s a little boy, and we’re both thrilled, but it’s stressful.  She’s working, I’m working, and sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough.  We’re both stressed out half the time.  I mean, we love each other, but sometimes we say things we don’t mean.”

“Don’t need relationship advice, Rhee.”

“Well, you’re gonna get it anyway.  I don’t care if you’re my boss.  You used to be my crew mate, and I think you’re a good guy.  I’ve met your girlfriend.  She’s really nice, and you guys seem happy together.  So whatever it is, just let it go.  You got a niece, right?  You’ve seen the movie.  Just let it go.”

“Princess movies?” Daryl snorted. 

“Hey, I grew up with sisters, I’ve seen a few.”  He blushed.  “And my wife has dragged me to one or two.”  Daryl smirked then.  “Hey, I don’t need shit from a guy who’s got the Little Mermaid soundtrack in his glove compartment.

“That’s Katie’s.”

“Hey, I’m not judging,” Glenn replied with a shrug.  “Look, whatever it is…if you love each other, you can get through it.  Right?”  Daryl said nothing, only stared at the man.  He cleared his throat then, took another drag on his cigarette and tossed it down into the grave.  “Hey.  Just think about it.”  Glenn shrugged then and turned to walk off.  Daryl swigged down the last of his water and headed over to the port-a-john to take a piss.  When he returned, he recognized Aaron’s car parked next to his truck.  Aaron was pacing around it, hands stuffed in his pockets, brow knit in concern.

Daryl’s heart felt like it jumped into his throat.  Before he knew it, he was jogging across the lot.

“Daryl,” Aaron called when he spotted his friend.

“What’s goin’ on?  Is it Katie?  Is Carol alright?  The baby?”

“Hey,” Aaron urged, “everybody’s fine.”

“What’s goin’ on?” Daryl asked, unconvinced, stepping up to Aaron, eyeing him, looking for any sense of a lie. 

“Look, Carol’s at my place.  We tried calling, but it went to voicemail.”

“My phone’s dead.  Long story,” Daryl muttered.  “What’s Carol doin’ at your place?”

“She showed up with a suitcase, and she was a mess.”  He cleared his throat.  “She thinks she has to break up with you, because Nora doesn’t want her in Katie’s life.”

“I already told her…”

“It doesn’t matter what you told her.  She got a letter from Nora today.”

“A letter?” Daryl asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.  “What’d it say?”

“Nora knows about the suicide attempt, and she’s going to use it against you unless Carol breaks things off and stays away from you and Katie.”

“What?  How the fuck does she know?  Does she know about Sophia?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said quietly, shaking his head.  “But she knows enough that she’s threatening to paint Carol as unstable to try to stop the adoption.  And she’s also saying that she’ll pull her petition to stop the adoption if Carol disappears.”

“She can’t do that.  That’s blackmail.”

“Look, Carol’s really shaken up.  She’s at my place with Eric, and she needs you.”

“She said she don’t want me around.”

“And you really believe that?” Aaron asked.  “She’s trying to put distance between you, because she knows how difficult this is going to be when the baby’s born.”

“She said that?” Daryl asked, swallowing hard, eyeing his friend, feeling knots coiling in his own gut.

“No,” Aaron said quietly, leaning up against the side of Daryl’s truck.  “She doesn’t have to.  Look, Eric and I are so thankful to both of you.  If it wasn’t for you or Carol, this baby wouldn’t be here right now.  And I know neither of you ever expected to fall in love with each other.  But it happened.  And now this baby’s coming, and it’s your baby as much as it’s mine and Eric’s.  Maybe moreso.”

“No,” Daryl said quietly.  “You know I’d never do anything to take that kid away from you, right?  ‘Specially with everything goin’ on with Katie.”

“I know that,” Aaron said.  “You’re a good man, Daryl.  But that’s still your son.  That’s still a part of you.  And you love Carol, so I imagine it’s gonna make you take a second to think.  To wonder.  You’re only human.”  He waited for Daryl to look at him.  “Eric and I don’t expect you to be robots, you know?  You’re both going to be in this kid’s lives.  I want him to know both of you.  We don’t want there to be any secrets here.  He deserves to know how he came to be.  He deserves to know you, because you and Carol are going to be a big part of his life.”  

“She thinks I can’t handle it,” Daryl said quietly.  “She thinks I won’t…”  He shook his head, struggling for the words.  “She doesn’t wanna see me hurt when we give this baby up.  Thing is, I don’t wanna see her hurt.  I just wanna be there.  I don’t want her to go through somethin’ like this alone.  She had you and Eric and Michonne when she lost Sophia.  But this is different.”  He cleared his throat, feeling the tops of his ears burning.  “I wanna marry her.  I wanna raise Katie with her.  I wanna have a family.”

“Then tell her that,” Aaron said softly.  “Tell her that, because at this point, she thinks she’s the only thing standing in the way of you adopting Katie.”

“I can’t,” Daryl muttered.  “She couldn’t run fast enough when I told her I wanted her to move in.”

“Well, you gotta look at it from her perspective.  You were in a new relationship, things were fun and good, but she’s been divorced.  She knows how bad things can get.”

“But that was a long time ago.  I’m ready for all of that.  I just don’t know if she is.  Maybe she don’t want that.”  Aaron sighed and shook his head. 

“It’s a little too hot today.”

“Huh?”

“Bet your crew would rather be home with their families in the air conditioning or at the pool, huh?”

“Maybe,” Daryl offered.

“So, why don’t you call it a day.  Heat index is awful.  You don’t want your guys dropping like flies out here, do you?  Besides, I’m sure there’s someplace else you’d rather be.”

*~*~*~*~*

Carol closed her eyes and leaned back on the patio lounge chair that Eric had pulled under a shade tree for her.  Her laptop was open, and she had been switching back and forth between Heart Song and her pregnancy diary, and she was feeling a bit better, despite the fact that her stomach was tied up in knots the longer Aaron was gone. 

Eric had sat with her for a while, but he’d gone in to start supper, so when Carol heard the patio door slide open and the close with a clink, she thought nothing of it.  When she heard footsteps approach her in the grass, she didn’t even look up.  But when she felt his calloused hand upon her shoulder, she gasped softly and looked up, taking off her sunglasses so she could see his face.  There he was, staring down at her, a look of uncertainty in his eyes.  Before words could even find their way, her lower lip quivered.  She put her computer aside and stood, quickly pulling her arms around his neck.  The second his arms were around her, she felt centered again, felt whole. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You don’t gotta apologize,” he promised, burying his face against her neck.  “I shoulda just gone to your appointment with ya, like ya asked me to.”

“I shouldn’t make you do anything you don’t want to.  I’m having a harder time with this than I thought I would.”  She frowned then, hearing something crinkle behind her back.  “What’s that?”  She pulled back, and Daryl revealed the large, yellow envelope in his hand.  He shook his head, putting the envelope down in Carol’s chair. 

“I’m havin’ a hard time,” he admitted.  “I wanna have a family with you.  I love you.  I love this baby.  And it’s gonna hurt like hell to give him up.  But you’re right.  Aaron and Eric are gonna be great dads.  And as much as it’s gonna hurt to hand him over, this has been their baby from the beginnin’.”  His voice broke, but he kept himself in control.  “And I wanna be there for you, ‘cause you don’t need to go through it alone.”

“Daryl, I need to tell you something,” Carol said softly, as she placed her hand against his chest.  “Nora…”

“Aaron told me about it.  I read it ‘fore I came out here.  She ain’t got no right.”

“But she doesn’t care about that.”

“And I don’t care what she thinks.  You and me and Katie…we’re a family.  And nothin’ she says or does is gonna change that.”

“Daryl…”

“Listen to me.  When I tell ya I want a family, I mean it.  I wanna be with you.  I wanna marry you.  I wanna have kids with you.  But right now?  Right now, I want Katie to have two parents.”  He picked up the envelope.

“What is this?”

“I stopped by my lawyer’s office on the way here.  I’m withdrawin’ my petition to adopt Katie.”

“Daryl!” Carol choked out.  “You…you can’t.”

“I want us _both_ to adopt Katie,” he insisted.  Carol gasped softly, and Daryl took her hand.

“Daryl…you…can…can we do that?”

“You wanna marry me one day?” he asked.  Carol bit her lip, smiling through her tears. She nodded.

“I do.”

“You wanna have a family?”  Carol nodded again, sniffling.  “Have another baby one day?”

“One or two,” she chuckled.

“You wanna move in with me?  I mean, hell, we practically live together already, and you know we’re both miserable when the other ain’t there.”  Carol laughed.

“Then I want us both to adopt her.  You’re already her mama.  But this way…this way it’s permanent.  Nobody can say you don’t deserve to be in her life.  And we’ll fight Nora if we gotta.  And if they won’t let us adopt Katie, I still got custody.  And I’ll fight Nora.  I’ll make sure Katie stays here.  We’ll fight together.  Whaddya say?”  Carol took a shaky breath then, laughing through her tears when the grin spread over Daryl’s face.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him softly.  “Yeah.  I say yes.”  She sniffled.  “Let’s do this.”


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

_Eighteen weeks.  You are getting bigger, and I’m starting to feel you moving around a lot more.  Daryl still hasn’t felt you kick yet, but Katie’s convinced she can when she puts her hand on my belly.  She isn’t entirely certain of the situation, how you came to be or where you’re going when you’re born, but she does understand that Uncle Aaron and Uncle Eric are your daddies, and I’m just keeping you warm and safe until you’re ready to be here._

_The amnio results came back, and you are perfectly perfect in every way.  Even if you weren’t, we’d love you just the same.  Your daddies, Aaron and Eric, have your nursery painted blue and green, and Daryl helped them put your crib together.  I had to take a picture, because it was the funniest thing.  I don’t know who was more frustrated trying to figure out which piece went where, but in the end, you have a beautiful oak crib to sleep in.  I’m sure, if you’re anything like my Sophia was, you will refuse to sleep in it until you’re one._

*~*~*~*

“You don’t have to do this,” Daryl said quietly, coming up behind Carol as she stood in the doorway of Sophia’s old bedroom.  She sighed softly, leaning back against his chest as his hands came to rest on her stomach.  He kissed her cheek before nuzzling the back of her neck. 

“I do,” she insisted.  “It’s time.”  She sighed softly, rubbing her hands up and down his arms. 

It had taken them nearly two weeks to decide on where to live.  At Daryl’s place, Katie had her own room that she was familiar with and knew the other little kids in the neighborhood.  At Carol’s, there was much more room, and honestly, Carol had a lot more stuff.  Daryl and Katie would have been a lot easier to move.  The plan was to find a home of their own, someplace new, but for now, the most frugal, convenient thing to do was to pick a place, and that place, they’d decided, was Carol’s.

Only now, it was time to start moving, and it was time to pack up Sophia’s things.  Some of it would be going to Goodwill, some of it would be kept in the attic.  She couldn’t bear to part with some things, like the onesie Sophia had worn home from the hospital.  Her first stuffed animal, her first pair of shoes.  There were so many pictures and albums.  Sophia had been the center of her world.  But now it was time to finally finish saying goodbye, to clean out her room and make room for Katie.  As much as it broke her heart, she knew that Sophia wouldn’t have begrudged her of it.  She’d always wanted a sister.

“Just tell me what ya need me to do,” Daryl offered, taking her hand as they stepped into the room.

“We’ll start with the boxes under the bed.” 

“Keep or donate?” Daryl asked, kneeling down on the floor and helping Carol down. 

“Keep,” she said with a nod.  “I’ll show you.”  Daryl pulled the first box out, and Carol gently opened it, pulling out a pink and yellow baby book.  She handed it to him, and he opened it, peering down at the first page.  “I started it the day I found out I was pregnant.”  She smiled, eyes welling up as she remembered that day as if it’d happened yesterday.  Daryl flipped through it slowly, seeing everything from pictures of Carol’s positive pregnancy tests to pictures of Carol standing sideways with her shirt pulled up above her flat stomach, no doubt taken by Ed.  She was smiling, glowing, hair long and curly.  There was a photo of Ed kneeling in front of her, kissing her stomach, and she cringed, shaking her head.  “I’d forgotten about that.  There were some good times.”  Daryl flipped through the book, seeing pictures of a newborn Sophia.  Her little hospital anklet was taped to one page.  Photos of Carol lying in the hospital bed with Sophia in her arms.  Photos of Ed with their little girl.  Photos of various relatives and friends with the new arrival, followed by photos from each week of Sophia’s life leading up to her first birthday.

“You were proud of her,” Daryl said quietly, closing the first book.  He peered down into the box to see several more albums.

“I haven’t looked through any of these since before she died,” Carol sniffled, wiping at her eyes.  “She was really beautiful, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah.  Looked just like her mama.”  Carol chuckled at that, and Daryl pulled his arm around her shoulders.  “We can make room for Katie in the guest room, ya know?”

“No, no,” Carol said softly.  “This is good.  This is how it should be.  It’s just a room, Daryl.  And we’re going to move eventually.  I have to let go.”  Daryl pulled her close then, kissing the side of her head.  Letting go.  That was one thing Jacqui had suggested during their first joint session with her.  Daryl had finally decided to start seeing the counselor with Carol, and it seemed to help them both.  One of the biggest pieces of advice Dr. Reed had given them was to practice letting go.  They needed to learn to let go of things from the past that they hadn’t dealt with yet. 

For Daryl, he’d been working on letting go of some of the anger toward both of his parents from his fucked up childhood.  It was a work in progress.  For Carol, this was going to be painful, but the hope was that in the end, she would find a little peace and be able to move forward.  This room was a time capsule, a shrine.  It was time to move on.

He watched her as she looked through the books, one by one, and she’d share memories with him, laughing at silly photos of Sophia with birthday cake on her face, crying when the ache hit her hard and fast again, reminding her that she’d spent so few birthdays with her little girl.  Those memories would stay with her, but it didn’t dull the ache.  In fact, in some ways, the wounds felt fresh.

They sorted through the boxes, grabbing plastic totes and cramming as much in them as possible, until they were both tired, leaning back against the side of the bed, holding hands and enjoying the quiet.

“Anybody home?” came Aaron’s voice from downstairs. 

“I thought Sophia was at school ‘til two today,” Carol murmured, glancing up at the clock.  It was only noon.”

“Shit.  Forgot they had an early dismissal.”

“Uncle Daryl?!  Carol?”

“Up here!” Carol called out.  Katie’s footsteps fell lightly on the stairs as she ran, and Aaron’s were heavier and louder as he followed her up. 

“Katie, don’t run,” Aaron scolded, but she barreled into the room moments later, running to hug Daryl first and then Carol.

“Look what I made.  Look!”  She shoved folded piece of gray construction paper at Carol, who made a production of opening it up.  Her eyes went wide at the bright scribbles, and she bit her lip and tilted her eyes to the side.

“Oh, Katie, it’s beautiful.  Look, Uncle Daryl.”

“Yeah.  It’s uh, it’s great, Kates.  What…what is it?”  Katie sighed dramatically, and Carol couldn’t contain her giggle. 

“See, that’s me,” Katie insisted, pointing to one scribbled blob.  “And that’s you in pink, Uncle Daryl.”

“It suits you,” Carol said with a wink, getting a smirk from him in return.  “And that’s Carol.”

“Carol’s got wings,” Daryl pointed out.

“Like a fairy princess,” Katie said with a grin.  “See, I got wings too.”

“I didn’t get wings?” Daryl asked, feigning shock.

“Nope.  There’s no such thing as a fairy prince.” 

“Oh, so young,” Aaron laughed from the doorway, getting a snort out of Daryl.  Katie pointed to two more blobs. 

“See, that’s Uncle Aaron and Uncle Eric.”

“What are these blobs?” Daryl wondered.

“Well, that’s Carol’s baby,” Katie said softly.  “But he’s over here, ‘cause he’s going to live with Uncle Aaron and Uncle Eric.”  Daryl pulled Katie into his lap and kissed the top of her head.

“That’s right.”

“And this one’s my mama in heaven.  She’s got wings, but those are angel wings.”  Carol sighed softly, reaching over to stroke Katie’s hair.

“That’s right.  And I know your mama’s so proud of you.” 

“Who’s that?” Katie asked, nodding at a picture that had fallen from one of the albums.  It was of Sophia when she was around Katie’s age.

“This is my little girl,” Carol said gently, picking up the picture and handing it to Katie. 

“Ooh,” Katie cooed softly.  “Where’s she at?”

“Well,” Carol whispered, “she’s an angel in heaven, too.  Just like your mama.”

“Oh,” Katie said softly, lower lip poking out a bit.  “She’s sleeping.”

“Yeah, honey,” Carol murmured.  “She’s sleeping.”

“Well,” Katie said softly, “I bet my mama is looking after her.”   Daryl hugged Katie a little closer and kissed the top of her head again.  “Maybe she takes care of her like you take care of me here.”

“You know what?” Carol asked with a sad smile.  “I bet she does.”

“It’s ok.  I can share my mama in heaven if your little girl can share you.”  Carol took a shaky breath and bit back a choked cry.  Seeing the tears in her eyes, Katie scrambled off of Daryl’s lap and into Carol’s, wrapping her little arms around her neck.  “I’m sorry you’re sad.  But don’t worry.  My mama in heaven will take good care of her.”

*~*~*~*

“You think she’s ok out there?” Carol asked, getting up from the bed and moving to the door.  Daryl sat up, watching her as her belly poked out from under her t-shirt.  She was absolutely the most gorgeous pregnant woman he’d ever seen.

“Would ya stop worryin’?  She’s slept over how many times?”

“But this is different. She lives here now, and she shouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.”

“She’s got her princess sleeping bag, her stuffed animals, her favorite doll, and she’s watchin’ a movie and eatin’ popcorn.  I think she’s just fine.”  Carol sighed and peeked out into the hall where the glow of the television flashed and cast shadows on the walls.  A fit of giggles followed what must have been a very funny part of the movie.

“I guess you’re right,” Carol sighed.  “We’ll get her bed put together tomorrow.”

“First thing,” Daryl promised.  Carol turned and returned to the bed, turning onto her only comfortable side, which conveniently let Daryl scoot up right behind her and put his hand on her belly.  He nuzzled the back of her neck, and she sighed. 

“Thank you for helping me today.  Having you here made it easier.” 

“You know, we can put her bed and dresser and things in storage if you ain’t ready to get rid of ‘em.”

“No.  No, it’s ok.  It’s time,” Carol murmured.  “I’ve kept what I want to keep.  The rest of it can go to someone else, to some other little girl.”  She smiled a little when he kissed her shoulder. 

“I love you,” she whispered softly.

“Love you,” he murmured sleepily, burying his face against the back of her neck.  They lay like that for a while, listening to the other breathe, feeling content to just lay there and feel each other near.  Carol was just about to doze off, when she felt Daryl’s shoulders shake. 

“You ok?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled.  “What was that?”

“Huh?”

“Your stomach moved.”

“You felt that?” Carol asked with a grin, rolling onto her back as Daryl scooted over. 

“Yeah.  What was that?”

“The baby,” she laughed.  “You felt the baby.”  She watched as his eyes lit up and he moved to put his hand against her belly.  She put her hand over his, guiding him to where she could feel the movement.  “Right there.”

“Yeah.  Yeah, I feel it.  He’s kickin’.”

“Or doing cartwheels,” Carol laughed.  “That’s him.”

“Holy shit,” Daryl muttered.  Carol laughed then, and Daryl moved down to press a kiss to her stomach.  He lifted up her shirt, and Carol was certain her heart could melt into a puddle.  “Hey.  Settle down in there and let yer mama get some rest, ok?”

“Hey,” Carol scolded.  “He’s moving and happy.  Let him be.”  Daryl snorted then, kissing her stomach again. 

“Alright, then keep it down in there.”  A grin spread over his face when he felt the baby kick again.  “Don’t that hurt?”

“No.  It just feels like a flutter.  When he gets bigger, his knees and elbows will be everywhere, and that’ll hurt sometimes.  Right now, it’s just a flutter.  I can’t really explain it.  It’s a good feeling.  I know he’s ok.” 

“Good,” Daryl murmured.  “’Course he’s ok.  He’s gonna be great.”  Carol tugged Daryl up so she could give him a proper kiss before turning back to her side and feeling him pull up against her.  With his arm around her and his face buried against the back of her neck, she began to drift off with a smile on her face, and soon, sleep overtook her weary body.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

 _20 weeks_. _We are halfway there, and I feel like I’m already about to pop.  I got out of bed this morning, and my center of gravity seemed to have shifted overnight.  I’m pretty certain my stomach has popped out even more than it was yesterday.  Or maybe you’re just moving around in there.  Even Daryl was staring this morning._

_Dr. Greene did another ultrasound, and, surprise, you’re still a boy!  Everything looks great, and you are growing right on target.  You definitely look like Daryl, and I’m pretty sure that he’s been walking around with a silly grin on his face all day.  He’s very proud, as he should be.  You are a handsome little man.  Don’t tell him, but I do hope you’re born with a little less hair.  His is unruly as it is, though I adore it.  Don’t tell him I told you that._

_Your nursery is coming along well.  Daryl and I went over to help your dads, and they did the sweetest thing.  There’s a picture of all of us at your last ultrasound, me on the table, all three of your dads surrounding me, and it’s placed next to a picture of your ultrasound.  You are so loved.  And you have a name.  Mason Dixon Raleigh-Lewis.  It’s a mouthful, I know, but your dads wanted all of your parents to be a part of it.  Your first name, Mason, is my maiden name.  Your middle name, Dixon, is Daryl’s last name.  Raleigh-Lewis is for each of your dads, and I think it’s a good name.  Strong.  Mason, we are all so excited to meet you._

*~*~*~*~*

Carol took a shaky breath as she paced in the hall, heels clicking on the marble.  Daryl stood close by, leaning against the wall as Aaron and Eric sat on a bench nearby.  The judge had asked Carol, Daryl, Nora and Jack to meet with their lawyers on this morning.  Really, what the judge wanted, was to hear all sides to be able to make an honest decision regarding Katie’s adoption. 

“Stop pacin’,” Daryl urged.  “You’re gonna be fine.”

“And we’re here for moral support,” Eric promised.  “If you guys need anything, we’re here.  We’ll vouch for you both.”

“Oh, did you call the school?” Carol asked.

“Yep,” Daryl promised.  “They know to expect Aaron if the hearing runs over.”

“And I’ll keep track of the time.  We’ll take Katie out for ice cream.  Just let us know when you’re done.  Don’t worry about the time.”

“Thank you, guys,” Carol said softly, moving to hug Eric and then Aaron. 

“Hey, for all you two have done for us, we’re more than happy to help you out here.  Katie couldn’t ask for two better parents,” Eric gushed.  “All you have to do is talk about her, and that judge is going to see how much you both love her.”

“Thanks,” Daryl murmured, reaching out to shake Eric’s hand.

“You guys are gonna be fine,” Aaron said gently.  “You’ll see.”   Carol jumped when the large oak doors swung open.  

“Carol Peletier and Daryl Dixon.  John Harrison and Nora Harrison.” 

“That’s our cue,” Carol murmured, just as Nora and Jack rounded the corner.  The four of them filed into the small room.  It was a lot less formal that Carol had expected.  The judge sat in a suit and tie at the front of the room, while a bailiff stood off to the side.  A woman sat at a computer, while the lawyers for both parties were already present, seated tables on opposite sides. 

 Carol and Daryl joined their lawyer, while Nora and Jack joined theirs. 

“Try not to worry,” Dale Horvath said with a confident smile.  “If we have to pull out the letter Nora sent, then we will.  I’ve got a copy of it here in my files.”

“No,” Carol said abruptly, shaking her head.  “I don’t want it to come to that.  They’re still Katie’s grandparents.”  She looked at Daryl.  “Right?”

“Right,” he murmured.  “We ain’t gonna need it.”

“Alright,” Dale said with a nod.  “Look, the Harrisons’ are going for the jugular, so we need to be prepared.”

“They can say what they want.  I have my own story to tell, and as much as I hate to tell it, I’ll do it for Katie,” Carol insisted, placing one hand on her stomach.  She glanced over to catch Nora looking in her direction.  Carol looked right back, trying to find the humanity behind the mask her pain had created. 

“If everyone’s ready,” the judge spoke, “we’ll begin.”   He shuffled through some papers.  “Mr. Dixon, according to these papers, you’ve had legal custody of your niece for almost a year now.”

“Yes, your honor,” Daryl said with a nod.

“But she’s been in your care for much longer?”

“Her daddy, my brother Merle, he’s been in some trouble.  Been in jail for drugs.  Sellin’ and usin’.  I took care of her ‘til the state stepped in.  I wasn’t gonna lose her to the system, and the social workers figured Katie was pretty safe with me.”  Daryl rubbed his sweaty palms on the knees of his pants.

“And until recently, the situation was fine?”

“My brother came back around, said he wanted to get his life together.  He wanted me to adopt Katie for good.”

“And you were comfortable taking on that responsibility?”

“Already was responsible for her, your honor,” Daryl said quietly, “but to be honest with ya, no, I didn’t really know what to do.  But I decided to do it.”

“What changed your mind?” he asked.

“I wanted to make sure Katie knew she had a home, that she’d always have one.  She’s my niece, and I love her, and Merle wanted to sign his rights away.  Didn’t really think nobody else should have the right to raise her, since I been helpin’ out with her since she was born.  When I met Carol, I knew it was the right thing to do.”

“How do you mean?”

“You gotta be a bigger person, you gotta grow up and take responsibility for the things you’re already responsible for.  You gotta do what’s right by the people you love.”

“And you’ve known Ms. Peletier for how long?”

“’Bout five months,” Daryl answered.  The judge looked at Carol, noting her swollen belly.  “And, for the record, the two of you are involved in a romantic relationship?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Alright.  How did you meet?”

“Mutual friend,” Daryl explained.  “Our friends, Aaron and Eric.  Carol agreed to be a surrogate for them, and I agreed to donate my sperm.”

“So you never met before that?”

“Not ‘til the day of the insemination.”

“And, clearly, it took.”

“Yes, sir.  We didn’t count on likin’ each other so much, but it happened.  It’s a complicated situation, but it works for us.”  Nora and Jack’s lawyer raised his hand, and the judge nodded to him.  The man stood.

“Is Katie aware of Ms. Peletier’s pregnancy?”

“You kiddin’?” Daryl asked.  “It’s kinda hard to hide.”

“And what does Katie know about the arrangement?”

“She knows the baby’s only with us ‘til he’s born.  Then he goes to her Uncle Aaron and Eric’s.”

“Is she confused?  Does she ask a lot of questions?”

“She’s just turned four.  ‘Course she asks a lot of questions.  But she ain’t confused, if that’s what ya mean.”

“I’m sorry, your honor,” Mr. Horvath spoke up, “I don’t understand what Ms. Peletier’s pregnancy has to do with this adoption case.”

“I’m simply stating that a situation like this could be emotionally troubling for a child of Katie’s age,” the other lawyer pointed out.

“Well, she ain’t troubled,” Daryl snapped.  “She’s doin’ just fine.”  The lawyer stared at him for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Ms. Peletier, isn’t it true you were hospitalized nearly two years ago.”

“Yes,” Carol said quietly, as Dale stood.

“Your honor, there is no conceivable way that information would be known without the assistance of a private investigator.”  He glanced at Carol, who slightly shook her head.  “It shouldn’t be admissible.”

“I’ll allow it on grounds that these proceedings stay civil and respectful.  Unless you have evidence that would otherwise prove that this information was obtained underhandedly…”  Dale looked to Carol, who simply shook her head again. “Mr.  Horvath?”

“No, sir.  Not at this time,” Dale replied with a shake of his head.  Carol looked to Nora, who seemed to have been holding her breath.  She let it out as Jack whispered something in her ear.  Carol watched them as a palpable silence filled the room. 

“Your honor,” Carol spoke up, standing.  “It’s true.  I was hospitalized.  I took a handful of pills in an attempt to end my own life.”  The judge shifted in his seat, turning his attention back to Carol.  “Mr. and Mrs. Harrison’s lawyer could tell you all about how many days I stayed, probably even how long I was in counseling afterward.  Yes, I tried to kill myself.  Yes, I went through therapy.  A lot of it.  Maybe they can even tell you how much money I spent trying to get well.”  She shrugged.  “But what they may not know or may not have bothered to learn is that I was a mother once.  I was a wife and a mother, and when my marriage fell apart, my Sophia was all I had left.”  She took a shaky breath, and Daryl reached out to take her hand as she stood there.  “She was killed by a drunk driver when he plowed into the school bus.”  Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Nora shifting in her seat.  The older woman bowed her head, but Carol continued.  “When I met Daryl and Katie, I didn’t expect to fall in love with the idea of having another family so quickly.  I was scared, yes, but each day, it felt more right.  Katie’s a wonderful little girl, your honor.  I love her like my own.  She _is_ my own.  I can’t change the choices I made in my past, but I can tell you that I have found more meaning in life in the past few months than I ever thought possible since I lost my daughter.”

She sat then, trembling, and Daryl found her hand under the desk.  She gave his fingers a squeeze, and he stood up.

“Your honor, I understand where Nora and Jack are comin’ from.  They’re worried about Merle comin’ back into Katie’s life, they’re worried that their granddaughter won’t have the kind of upbringing they’d like her to have.  But Katie’s happy.  She’s a happy little girl, and since Carol came into her life, she’s been even happier.  Sometimes, Carol’s the only one that can talk to her and make her understand when she don’t get somethin’ her way.  Sometimes, she just wants Carol.  I can’t compete there, and I don’t think I wanna.”  The judge smiled a little, and Daryl shrugged.  “I ain’t Katie’s father, but I can try to be a good dad. And Carol?  Well, all you gotta do is see Katie light up when she comes home from work, and you’d understand.”  He cleared his throat then, and looked to Nora, who wouldn’t meet his gaze.  Jack gave him an understanding nod.  “Look, I know you miss Andrea.  We all do.  She was…she was somethin’ else.  She sure kept my brother on his toes.  She never got to meet Katie, but she sure loved her.  I remember her paintin’ the nursery one day right after they found out she was a girl.  Never saw somebody so excited to be a mom.”  He shook his head.  “Katie has a picture of her mama.  Sleeps with it under her pillow, shows it to any stranger she meets when she carries it with her.  She loves her mama, and nobody’s ever gonna replace that.  But she’s gone, and I mean no disrespect, but it’s selfish to try to keep her from havin’ another mama in her life.  She loves Carol.  I know you’ve seen it.  She’s happy with us, and takin’ her away from everything she knows…”  His voice broke.  “Please.  She’s happy here.”  He sat then, folding his hands on the table, and Dale cleared his throat and stood again.

“Your honor, Katie may not be here in this room with us today, but if she was, you’d see that this is a family.  I’m sure you’ve already reviewed the home visit reports from social services, and I’m confident those reports reflect exactly what I’ve seen in my time spent with Mr. Dixon and Ms. Peletier.  Please, your honor, don’t break this family apart.  In my thirty-five years as a lawyer, I’ve seen countless children taken out of unfit homes.  I can tell you one thing.  This is not one of those cases.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Harrison,” the judge asked, turning to them, “do you have anything further you’d like to add before we take a recess?”  Jack looked to Nora, who sat still, staring forward for a moment, before she finally took a breath and turned to whisper something to their lawyer. 

“Your honor, would it be alright if we took a short recess before continuing?”

“I’ll allow ten minutes,” the judge offered with a nod.  He stood then, leaving the room, and Carol stood, next, followed by Daryl.

“Everything alright?” Dale asked.

“Yeah.  I just need some air,” Carol whispered.  Daryl took her hand before giving Dale a clap on the shoulder.  He followed her from the court room, and as soon as the large, oak door shut behind them, Carol turned and pulled her arms around Daryl’s neck.

“You ok?” he asked softly, kissing the side of her neck as he gently rubbed her back.

“Yeah.  Yeah, I think so.”  She trembled in his arms, and he pulled back and kissed her on the forehead.  “That was…that was _not_ easy.”

“It’s almost over,” Daryl promised.  “Then we’ll go home, and we can breathe.”

“Ok.  Ok, yeah.  That sounds good.”  She smiled  a little, and he kissed her again.  And before they could turn to go back into the court room, the doors opened, and Nora came walking out into the hall with Jack. 

Carol bristled, but Daryl kept a firm grip on her hand.  He could feel her pulse quicken, and he stepped in front of her a little.

“Look, anything you got to say best be said in there, ‘cause…”

“Wait,” Nora urged, holding a hand up.  “Please.”  She looked at Jack, who nodded his encouragement from behind her.  She looked back to Daryl and then to Carol before her shoulders slumped and her eyes welled with tears.  “I think we… _I_ …I owe you both an apology.”


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Carol groaned softly when she flipped off the bathroom light and curled her toes into the plush bedroom carpet.  She smiled when she saw Daryl propped up on the bed with his back against the headboard and his head leaned back against the wall. His eyes were closed, and she could tell by his slow, even breaths that he was sleeping. 

Smiling, she moved to stand next to him and leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.  He yawned and slowly opened his eyes to see her smiling at him.

“Hey,” she whispered. 

“Hmm.”

“You fell asleep.”

“Thought you got lost in there,” he murmured sleepily. 

“Best shower I’ve ever had…alone, anyway.”  She grinned and kissed him, and he reached for her hand. 

“C’mere.”  She sat down on the bed, scooting back between his legs and resting her back against his chest.  His brought his hands up her arms, gently kneading her weary muscles.  “You feelin’ ok?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.  “Just glad it’s almost over.”  Daryl kissed the back of her neck.  She leaned forward, closing her eyes as his calloused fingers massaged her shoulders, thumbs pressing into the back of her neck and kneading her gently.  “Oh, that feels good.”  He kissed her shoulder and curled his arms around her, cradling her belly in his hands. 

“You sure you’re ok?”

“Yes,” she promised.  “For the last time, I’m fine.  It wasn’t easy, but I got through it.  We both did.”  Thankfully, Nora had had a change of heart and had come to Carol to apologize for her behavior.  She’d ended her petition to halt the adoption, and even the judge had thanked her for it.  He’d explained that it was clear that the little girl had a loving home, and that while nobody was perfect, one parent’s past shouldn’t be held against them, especially given the tragic circumstances.

It had been so hard, reliving it all, feeling so many different emotions hitting her from every direction.  But somehow, she felt better now, felt as if she’d been healed in some way.  And in the end, they’d walked out of that court room a little bit closer to an adoption.

They were still a few home visits away from adoption day, but the judge seemed pretty optimistic that come next month, Katie would legally be theirs and she’d have a forever family.

She gently rubbed her hand over his. 

“You sure you’re ok with Katie going to Florida with Jack and Nora next week?”

“I ain’t gonna keep her from her grandparents.  So long as everybody can respect each other for Katie’s sake, I want her to know them.  They can tell her a lot more about her mama than I ever could, and they do love her, even if they ain’t exactly been showin’ it in the best ways lately.”  Carol nodded a little.

“Good,” she whispered.  “They deserve to know their granddaughter.  Katie loves them so much.”  She turned her face, leaning back a little so she could give him a peck on the corner of his mouth.  He leaned in, letting the kiss linger, and then he chuckled. 

“He’s movin’ again.”

“Yeah,” she grinned, looking down at her belly as his hands gently moved over it.  “He’s gonna keep me up tonight.”

“Maybe I can calm him down,” he offered. 

“Give it your best shot,” she chuckled.  And then he began to rub her belly in slow circles, gently massaging her, pressing a little deeper when she relaxed against him.  She put her hands over his, arching her neck back when he pressed his lips against her pulse.  She bit her lip, biting back a grin as his hands worked her over, rubbing her sides and the swell of her belly.  The tension seemed to melt away, and she turned her head to catch his mouth, opening up to him as their fingers linked together.  She sighed against his mouth.

“He sleepin’ yet?”

“Mmm, yeah,” she giggled.

“Good.  ‘Cause I got some stuff planned he probably don’t wanna be awake for.”

“Ooh, promise?” she asked with a giggle, as his hands moved lower, dipping into the band of her pajama pants.  She bit back a whimper as he stroked her, one hand teasing her folds while the other dipped into the front of her shirt and teased her breast, fingertips rolling over her nipple, making her gasp and shudder under his touch. 

Carol leaned into his touch, craved more of it.  The thing about Daryl was that he constantly made her feel beautiful.  He seemed to be fascinated by the changes in her body.  The curve of her belly, the swell of her breasts, the way she carried herself.  Ed never really seemed to bother with her when she was pregnant with Sophia, only occasionally, and even then, it had felt like he wasn’t really invested.  Not Daryl.  Daryl seemed to relish it and loved to explore her.  She’d been self-conscious at first, but now she looked forward to it, and her body begged for his touch.  So when his hand moved from between her legs, she took the opportunity to shift, turning toward him, kissing him hungrily as she climbed over him.

Her fingers threaded into his hair, and he opened up to her, inviting her in, kissing her back with as much need as he found in her.  And her hands found the elastic of his sleep pants, while his fingers dug into her hips, clawing her pants down until they were both discarding clothes into a pile on the floor.

She gripped him around the base, squeezing gently before stroking him, keeping her eyes on his before he pulled her down for another kiss.  He tugged her up, and she sunk down on him in one, slow, delicious moment, and they broke apart only to stare at one another as she began to ride him, hands firmly on his chest, knees digging into the mattress as his hands slid up her back. 

He bent forward, pressing open mouthed kisses to her neck and collarbones, moving lower, grinning when she practically thrust herself at him.  He teased one breast and then the other, trailing gentle circles around each nipple until she was whining and pushing herself into his mouth. 

She was so hot and wet and tight around him that he found it harder and harder to concentrate, but he held on and gave her what she wanted, gently nipping on one pearled peak.  She threw her head back, mouth open in a silent cry as his hand slipped between her legs, stroking her clit as she continued to ride him.

Her arms came up and around his neck, bringing him closer, needing to feel him all over, needing his mouth on her, his hands against her skin, needing him buried inside of her, stretching her, filling her.

Her muscled clenched around him, and he dug his fingers a little deeper into her hips.  She gasped at the sensation, and he took the opportunity to get the upper hand, bringing her down to the mattress and onto her back before bringing her legs up over his shoulders and sliding into her once again.  She cried out then, gripping the mattress as he began to thrust a little harder, holding back out of fear of hurting her.  And when her nails dug into his shoulders and a flood of warmth heralded her release, he let go, spilling into her until his motions slowed to nothing, and he held himself up over her on the mattress, kissing her softly as her hands rubbed gentle lines up and down his back.    

After another soft, slow kiss, he pushed away, flopping onto his back long enough for her to curl up onto her side.  He pulled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, and she giggled as he kissed between her shoulder blades. 

“Still feelin’ alright?” he asked, getting a snort from her in response.

“Yep.  Even better.”


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

_Twenty-two weeks.  Your dads have been reading up on pregnancy, apparently, because they have discovered that your growing little self has ears and can hear.  Imagine Daryl’s surprise when he came home from work to find Aaron and Eric on either side of me on the couch, taking turns talking to you.  And then, of course, after the guys left, Daryl decided to talk to you, too.  Well, you heard him, I’m sure.  You were kicking like crazy when you heard his voice._

_Katie has decided that instead of naming you Mason, your dads should name you Elsa.  I doubt you’d appreciate that, but she’s determined that you are in fact a girl.  Unless there’s another one in there with you, I think she’s going to be a little disappointed.  But, she’ll love you just the same._

_*~*~*~*_

_Twenty three weeks.  You gave us quite a scare last night. Daryl rushed me to the hospital, because we thought I was in early labor.  Thankfully, I wasn’t, and you’re still safe and sound inside me, but we need to talk, kiddo.  You can’t scare me like that, again.  You’re getting a little antsy and anxious to greet the world, I know, but you still have to wait a few months._

_Katie’s a little uncertain about how all this works, so imagine her surprise (and disappointment) when I told her she was going to have to wait a few more months before meeting her cousin._

_*~*`*~*_

_Twenty-six weeks.  You are moving around like crazy.  Daryl got a kick out of watching my belly move last night.  We were watching a movie, and all of a sudden, my stomach started moving.  It literally looked like you were doing somersaults in there.  He was fascinated, of course.  I would put my hand where your little elbow would stick out, and you’d move it away.  I think you’re going to be a very playful little guy._

_Your dads have officially finished your nursery!  And Daryl and I have agreed to be your godparents.  It was a very sweet thing for Aaron and Eric to do.  You are so loved.  We can’t wait to meet you._

_*~*~*~*_

_Thirty weeks.  You are getting so big!  You’re measuring right around three pounds, and you are right on target.  Dr. Greene believes you’ll be around seven pounds when you’re born.  They always say the second baby’s the biggest, so I have a feeling you’ll be much bigger than my Sophia was._

_The thing is, I keep having dreams about you.  I dream about what you’ll look like.  I imagine you’ll have blue eyes.  I have blue eyes, and so does Daryl, so I’m sure that’ll be the case for you.  I imagine you might be a little redhead when you’re born.  I was a bit of a redhead as a baby.  Daryl says he was blonde, so you might be blonde.  We’ll see.  I think you’re gonna look just like him, which means you’ll probably be just as ornery.  That’s ok. You have Dixon blood.  It’ll come naturally to you._

_*~*~*~*_

_Thirty five weeks.  Your dads are getting nervous, calling to check in at least twice a day.  I’ve promised them that they will know the second I know you’re on your way.  Daryl’s been keeping his eye on me, though I keep assuring him that you’re still not due for a few weeks.  But, in reality, you could be here anytime.  I’ve been having contractions here and there, nothing major and it always stops, but I’ve been staying off my feet a little more._

_My surrogacy counseling sessions are going well.  Daryl has been coming to them with me, and the closer we get to the birth, the more difficult it is to think of giving you up.  But we know you will always be a part of our lives, and we will always be there for you, maybe even when you don’t want us there.  We love you.  We are still your mom and dad, and we will always think of you as our son.  We’ve had long talks with your dads about this, and your dads are amazing.  You are so lucky, and you are so blessed.  This family may not be perfect, and it may not be what every other kid has, but you’ll grow up with more love than you could ever ask for.  Even when you’re frustrated, even when you’re rebelling, even when you think you don’t need two, let alone 4 people watching out for you, we will still be there, because you have brought such joy to our lives. In the short time you’ve existed, you’ve already changed so much in our lives, and you aren’t even here yet._

_As a side note, your cousin Katie’s adoption is officially official.  Just think, if it hadn’t been for the idea of you, for the love that your dads and Daryl and I had for the idea of you, your cousin Katie might not have a forever home with two parents who love her to the moon and back.  You have opened our hearts, you’ve inspired so much in us, and to you, Mason, we are grateful.  You are such a blessing._

_*~*~*~*_

_Thirty-eight weeks.  After thirteen hours of labor and an hour and a half of pushing, you came screaming into the world and into our hearts, and you are absolutely perfect._

“Is he ok?  Is he ok?” Carol cried, still squeezing Daryl’s hand as a hearty cry filled the room.  Aaron and Eric stood at her bedside, eyes wide with shock as they peered down at their newborn son.  Daryl stared, eyes filled with tears as Dr. Greene lifted the baby up and lay him on Carol’s chest.  “Oh…oh my goodness.  Hello.  Hello.”  Carol cradled him in one arm, as he opened one eye and whimpered against her chest.  “Hello, Mason.  Hi.  Oh…”  She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  “Hello, baby boy.” 

The sights and sounds were all a blur, everything rushing together, fading out as the baby’s cries broke through the din. There was that face.  Daryl’s nose and Daryl’s ears and all that hair.  His little fingers were pink and curling against her skin.  He was heavy and warm, and Carol just wanted to hold onto him forever.  She sniffled then, blinking as the tears streamed down her face

“You did it,” Daryl murmured softly, kissing her forehead.  “You did it, sweetheart.  You did so good.”

“Alright, dads.  You wanna cut the cord?”  Dr. Greene asked.  Aaron and Eric both gloved up and cut the cord together as Carol held Mason.  “What’s his name?”

“Mason,” Daryl murmured, gently placing his hand upon the baby’s back.

“Welcome to the world, Mason,” Dr. Greene chuckled as a nurse put a blanket over the little one and lifted him, squalling and wriggling, from Carol’s chest.  “I’m not sure who wants to hold you next, but I don’t think you’re ever going to want for a pair of arms to sleep in.”

“Thank you,” Eric murmured, moving to hug Carol.  She sniffled as he kissed her cheek, and then Aaron moved in, giving her a hug.

“Thank you for…for everything.  You have no idea what you’ve…”

“It’s ok.  I know,” Carol whispered.  “Look at him.  Look at your son.”  She choked back a cry and smiled through it, watching as the nurse  handed the baby to Aaron.  The wide-eyed stare as he held his son for the first time was something Carol would never forget.  He held him close, held him so gentle, as if he was afraid he’d break, and Carol squeezed Daryl’s hand again.

And Eric stepped closer to take a peek at the tiny little person that had brought so much love into their lives.  Carol closed her eyes then, closing her eyes and squeezing Daryl’s hand as Dr. Greene delivered the placenta and began to clean her up.

Daryl stroked her forehead and wiped at it with a cool cloth, whispering soft words of love and encouragement as the nurse took photos of Aaron and Eric with their newborn son.  He felt a lump form in his throat as he watched the tears spill from Carol’s eyes.  And when he tilted her chin toward him to give her a peck on the lips, she bit her trembling lip and smiled. 

“We did it,” she whispered. 

*~*~*~*~*

Daryl leaned against the door frame as the dim light above Carol’s hospital bed cast a sterile, dim glow about the room.  Aaron and Eric had left hours ago, taking baby Mason home after he’d been checked over.  He was perfectly healthy in every way, and for Daryl, it was hard to believe that it was all over.

He had gone home to get a shower and to stop by Michonne’s, where Katie was staying for the night, to show her pictures of the baby.  And he’d gone for a few of Carol’s things.  She’d been so tired after the birth that she’d gone right to sleep right after Aaron and Eric had left with Mason. 

From all appearances, she looked to be sleeping, but when he stepped into the room and moved closer, he could see her shoulders shaking as she lay on her side, hands covering her face.  She sobbed silently, and he felt the tears well in his own eyes.

“M’here,” he murmured, placing his hand upon her shoulder.  She didn’t turn to him. She reached up, finding his hand with her own, squeezing it tightly, holding on with every ounce of strength left in her.  “Tell me what ya need.  Whatever you need, I’ll…”

“Can you just hold me?” she asked softly, sniffling and looking up at him, eyes brimmed with red, cheeks damp from her tears.  He swallowed thickly and nodded as she scooted over and let him curl up on the bed behind her.  He curled one arm around her middle and buried his face against the back of her neck.  He just rubbed her stomach gently, and her shoulders shook again. 

“I love you.  I ain’t goin’ nowhere.  It’s gonna be ok.”  He kissed the back of her neck, and he let her cry, let her get it all out, because he knew that as much as she’d prepared, as much as he’d forced himself to prepare, they’d known this moment was coming and that it wasn’t going to be easy.  So he took a shaky breath, held back his own tears and just let her cry.

*~*~*~*

_Heart Song – A Surrogate’s Journey_

_Written by Carol Dixon_

_This book is dedicated to my amazing husband Daryl who I never would have met had I not started this journey.  He has been my rock, and I am proud to say that we are expecting our own little miracle in about three months.  Her name will be Rose._

_To my daughter, Katie.  You have brought such joy to my life.  You have shown me that there are different kinds of families, and there are different kinds of loves, and I am proud to call you my little girl.  I am so proud of you, and I am so proud of the young lady you are becoming.  Your journey is just beginning, and just know that I will always be there to hold your hand if you need it._

_To my best friend, Michonne.  Words can’t express my gratitude.  If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t still be here, and I am grateful to you for saving my life, for helping me heal, for understanding my pain.  I love you._

_To Aaron and Eric, watching you two as dads for the past year and a half has been one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever witnessed.  Mason is so lucky to have two parents like you, and I am so thankful to you both for making us a part of your family, for including us in all of Mason’s firsts._

_To Sophia, I love you and I miss you, and not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could hear you laugh or see your beautiful, smiling face.  I see so much of you in Mason, and I sometimes swear his little laugh sounds just like yours did.  I feel you with me, and I think of you constantly.  One day, we’ll meet again, and it’ll be as if no time as gone by at all.  But until then, I hope you hear my thoughts and feel the love I have for you.  You will never be forgotten._

_And to Mason, my sweet boy.  Without you, this book never would have come to light.  I never dreamed my thoughts and experiences through this surrogacy journey would be sitting on the shelf at a bookstore someday, but here we are.  Thank you for giving me a reason to hope, for reminding me of the beauty and the love in this world when I was still so lost.  I didn’t know it yet, but I wasn’t fully healed until the moment I held you in my arms and heard you take your first breaths.  You are so loved, and I am so proud to see you grow and watch you bond with your dads.  I am blessed to be your ‘mama.’  I will always be here for you._

The End


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